My mom feels guilty that she can't watch SD (13).
My mom got a message from BM and BM's mom asking her if she could watch SD (13) on Tuesday. SD was apparently sick with influenza B (cold-like symptoms and possibly a fever) and couldn't go to school. BM had work that day and I'm not sure if she couldn't take time off from work or just wouldn't?
SD has had trust issues in the past, so I understand BM not wanting to leave her home alone all day. But how about for a half-day? Supposedly SD has been allowed to be home alone most mornings before school, and BM's mom will come check up on her to make sure she gets on the school bus. Why can't SD stay home alone this particular morning? She's sick - wouldn't she just sleep? And she's 13 for God's sake.
BM's mom owns a store and will sometimes keep SD there with her, but didn't want to do that this time because SD was sick and she didn't want that illness in her store. So they contacted my mom. They have a list of people to contact (my husband's mom, friends, other family etc) but I'm sure everybody declined because my mom said it felt like she was the last hope.
My mom politely declined because she's very busy this week. She then got no response and felt guilty, so she texted me. I told her not to feel guilty. If somebody takes SD every time BM wants them to, she will never get the opportunity to learn how to handle it herself. If I could get somebody to come take my car to the mechanic when it's having issues, or come take my dogs to the vet when they are sick, I would never have to take time off from work and figure it out myself, you know?
But I talked to one of my coworkers and she made me feel like my thought process was a little off. SD is our family now and we are all obligated to do our best to raise her and take care of her - unless we literally can't. She made it sound like my mom should have taken SD if she could have. But she was busy so it was OK.
I don't know. I don't really agree with that. At the end of the day it's DH and BM's child and mostly their responsibilty, not mine, and not my mom's (or BM's mom TBH) and we shouldn't feel guilty, even if we aren't busy.