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My marriage is over.

Sotired345's picture

A lot of things have happened and I can’t say step life was fully to blame but it was a huge part of it. Always coming in last our children playing second fiddle, me always being treated like the enemy took a real toll on me. I became so bitter and angry. So angry that it started to show. I resented my inlaws do much because if their favoritism always running for BM while I took care of everything alone. My husband resented me for not putting in enough effort as I put my children first. It’s now constant fighting and we’re planning on mediation but I want a lawyer. He considered taking me for full custody of my kids for no reason and he wants to keep the house he wants me to move out. He goes on and on about how I knew what I was getting into and I couldn’t handle it. The truth is he’s right I couldn’t BMs bitterness and anger coddling SD I’m not scared of being without him or being divorced but what comes next. I need to be able to financially support my kids but because he has a child previously to ours I get less. He’s going to fight me but I need all the financial support I can get as I am unemployed. My inlaws are putting together money for a lawyer for him and they are all bad mouthing me that I was a bitch. And the truth is I am a bitch now this type of marriage turned me into one. 4 year marriage a 2 year old girl a 4 year old boy with autism  and I’m getting divorced 

Melissamaybe's picture

don’t move out of your house until you are both divorced! Ive heard many times if you move out of the house while you’re going through a divorce it.can be considered abandonment and you can lose custody of kids. I think that’s bull crap though because who the hell wants to stay with the person they despise in the same home for weeks/months!!!!!! Not me!!!!! 

Sotired345's picture

A lot of people are saying not to leave the house. I don’t plan on it because I want a settlement from it it’s bad enough I’m getting less money because he had SD first. He won’t leave and neither will I. If I did leave I’d take the kids with me. No way would I leave them with him. My husband is not a good person. He has a lot of issues and just kept saying I changed after I had my first child and I’m not the person he fell in love with. Yea I definitely changed but the more and more time went on the less I liked myself I was just so angry all the time a lot of it had to do with his ex and daughter but there was a lot more to it. I’m just disgusted he’s even think of taking the kids from me considering he’s actually shook my son yelled in his face and called him a mistake. 3 times!

somethingwicked's picture

asap about those 3 times that child abuser ,monster and soon to be EX shook your son and screamed at him.

" he’s actually shook my son yelled in his face and called him a mistake. 3 times!   "

That is abuse. Did you already report those  physical abusive episodes to the police as they occurred?

 If not physically injured the boy definitely suffered some  emotional trauma. Shaking a child can kill  let alone cause injury to organs and bones. And the screaming ,demeaning. How very sad for your son,his sibling and you.

Awful.

Was he drunk or high  when he abused your son ,that monster? That  is NO excuse but if he is a mean , abusive drunk  or drug user then that is even more ammo to bolster your case to get the children. Are you afraid /intimidated by this "man?"

 File a report after the fact. Were their any witnesses to those 3  episodes? Get them to make a statement .

At least it may reduce the prospect of this "man"(I do not know what to call this a$$hole..even THAT is too good for him)  getting custody. If you can document that he has raged and abused the children and thus could be  a danger to them  he will not get sole custody and even could have supervised visitation.

You need to get legal representation . You may be able to find an attorney that works for reduced or pro bono but you will have to 

do the searching. Maybe a place to start would be to call Human Services Dept in your city or town for information.

Get to the bank and take 1/2 of the savings ,checking because you will need funds .

If you  can ,take the kids and go to your parents or siblings or friends to get away from this dangerous hothead or a hotel if you must.Maybe a women/children shelter may also be a haven for a time to find a safe place and think what you need to do.

To stay seems like a bad idea .If you file a police report then leave I do not think that if you left the house with the children it will 

reflect poorly on your settlement.

YOU are leaving to protect them AND you.

If he would attack a child no one is safe from this monster. 

 

mapitout's picture

see if there is a women and children's shelter in your area! 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your DH abused your son. Shaking a child can do serious damage. Contact the police and CPS.

You need a lawyer now. Most will do a consult for free. Depending on where you live, the court may provide a pro bono lawyer. If not, call around and see if you can find a lawyer to take your case for a reduced rate.

The first thing to ask the lawyer is about leaving the house.  I know both women and men who have moved out and it didn't change the outcome of the divorce case. The problem you have is you are living with a man who abused your child. One of you needs to leave.

Do you have family or friends you can ask for help? Try and make a plan before you reveal your plans to your husband.

justmakingthebest's picture

You need to call the police. If you can get a restraining order for you and your son he will be the one who has to leave. 

Sotired345's picture

This happened like 8 months ago. After it happened something changed I just got more and more angry. He’s trying to be the perfect father now being all nice and stuff. I have no where to go. We tried counciling but could never get there then things got worse. Fighting every day over money over BM over SD over how he is with our kids. Finally he decided to divorce me. He talking lawyers and stuff he constantly gets angry with me for putting our kids first saying I coddle them too much and I should take into consideration his other child and keep trying with her. It just got so bad our marriage counselor knows what he did I’m trying to get an appointment with her. To discuss what to do if he ever tried to take the kids from me. 

Rags's picture

Don't move out of the house, get a lawyer now, file for full temporary custody, do not mediate, attack and keep attacking until you get as close to the resolution you want as you can.

Start calling all of the best attorneys in your town to set up initial consulations and go speak to all of them ASAP.  That way he  can't use them due to conflict of interest and attorney client priveledge issues.  Take the best of the best for yourself.  Make sure you clearly stipulate that nothing you speak to any of those attorneys can be disclosed.   You may as well take all of the talent off of the table so that he can't use it.

And file first. 

All in my legal layman's opinion of course.

 

stepmomto3idaho's picture

but also start a well documented factual journal with photos and dates and times. Also get a recording device  separate one that you keep on you at all times and running. The recording device is not for court, its to protect you from false acusations, its just to show the police that you were not the agressor. You need to go back and document how many appointments he has been at for the kids. The person who files first controls court dates, who does what.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

What an a$$hole your husband is! Screw him over in court! How dare he abuse his child!

Notup4it's picture

The most he could get is 50/50 and you aren’t working.... so he still has to pay child support based on the difference in income I would believe (which might deter him from even wanting 50:50). I would go have af the least a consultation with a lawyer to see where you stand. 

Sorry you are going through this.

Kona_California's picture

If you aren't working he will have to pay not only child support but alimony for a period of time. It would definitely be in your interest to get an attorney to fight for this for you. Like another commenter said, call around and ask if they can give you a reduced rate, or pro-bono. Document EVERYTHING. Including things in the past, such as him shaking your son. It doesn't matter how long ago it happened, it will still be considered. Don't leave the house. If he gets the least bit crazy with you, yells, talks down to you, has ANY reason to make you uncomfortable, call the police. The police will force him to stay somewhere else for the night and although its only one night to yourself, it will be a message to him about the backlash he can face if he messes with you. 

Good for you for leaving. Don't let him beat you down anymore, you're moving on and will feel much more like yourself soon. We're rooting for you! Good luck!