my daughter calls her step dad DAD is this ok?
just wondering if anyone has a suggestion. long story hopfully short. My daughters father died when she was 5. shes now 10. ive been remarried for almost 2 years. about 4 months ago she asked if she could start calling her SD dad? at her age it's veryhard for her NOT to have somone to call dad.( my heart just aches for my kids at times) my now 18 year old was fine with it, my 15 year old was not, but understood and respected that if it made HER happy thats what counted, my SS who is also 10 and we only get to see 7-8 weeks out of the year ( because he lives out of state)
doesn't know she started this. sooo my husband is driving 7 hours one way the thursday before Easter to pick him up for the holiday, (i don't go with)(i'ts a great time for them to spend alone time and reconnect)does he explane to him that this has started?do we just let the chips fall where they lay when she says it? HOW WILL he FEEL knowing that somone else is calling his dad,dad? will he care? the time we spend with him is so little,i hate rocking the boat when hes here,I don't want to tell her NOT to call him dad.we try to make him as much as a part of the family that we can, but by the time he starts fitting in and feeling compfrotable it's time for him to go back, and it can be months before we see him again, hes coming home in a few weeks but we haven't seen him since last July.its like starting over everytime we get him, its a HUGE adjustment everysingle time he comes home. any suggestion???
A Dad is a Dad.
You see IMO, a Dad is someone that actually takes care of a child not just fathers them. I think you kids have every right, if they so choose, to call your DH their Dad. Don't stop them from doing so if that's what they desire to do.
As for your SS, there will be some adjustment period for the whole Dad issue. There is no way to tell how easy or hard this will be because every child is different. I do feel that with SS being 10 then he should be better equiped to handle this than say a 5 year old.
I know when my son called DH Dad that my SD (then 4) had a jealousy issue with it. SD would say "He's not your Dad, he's mine." Although alot of that was coming from the BM and not SD. Those issues didn't last long at all. Now, with SD being 7, she openly calls me "Mommy" and my son her "Brother". It just took a little time for the adjustment.
I hope that helps a little. I wish you all the luck.
I think it's great that she
I think it's great that she wants to call him "Dad." I would have a totally different take on it if her dad were still alive and a part of her life, but since he's not, her stepdad is, essentially, all the "dad" she has. If DH is okay with it, then I say let her embrace it. SS should probably get an explanation to ease his mind, though.
My skids did suffer a little heartburn when my two came along and they had to share their daddy with two new sibs. I explained to them that their dad has more than enough love in his heart for all of them and that I love them, too. The heartburn didn't last long. I know they really resent not being able to spend as much time with their dad as my two do, but there's nothing I can do about that. Divorce sucks when you're a kid. For my skids, it was less about hearing new kids call him "Daddy" and more about the new kids getting to have him all to themselves.
It'll probably take some time for SS to adjust, but maybe if he understands that she's sort of "borrowing" his dad, since her own is dead, maybe that will engender enough sympathy in him to make him okay with it. I didn't get my stepdad until I was 17. I don't call him "Dad," I call him by his first name. But I do refer to him as "my dad." (Example: My mom and dad are coming for a visit.) My stepsibs don't have a problem with it. My stepbrother refers to me as his sister, rather than stepsister, even though we were not raised together. I'm not that close to my stepsister, but I don't think there have ever been any hard feelings about me referring to her dad as my dad.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)