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My BS birthday last night and SS pain in the as*!!

windee's picture

Last night was my BS birthday. We went out to eat, SS didn't want to go to the place we were going, I told him it's nit his birthday so he doesn't get to pick this time. He is pouty but not that bad. We get to the restaurant and he keeps putting his head on the table (DH tells him to stop)and pouting is getting a litle worse. Then he orders his food... :jawdrop: steak and shrimp! $16.99 :jawdrop: (DH said NOTHING-I WILL NEXT TIME!)I have told SS numerous times to NOT order something SO expensive (he normally orders steak and shrimp with the most expensive desert on the menu...not to be evil...he just orders it b/c that's what he wants). Then SS is rude to MY mother! Short, snipy, remarks and disrespectful! Again DH says/does NOTHING! Comments made he was rude...My DH and I were talking 1 time..1 time about something and once again SS has to nose in and ask what I said, what we were talking about (DH ALWAYS tells him and I tell him that this is a conversation that WE are having)I told SS we are talking! On and on ALL night! AND yesterday SS left his HOUSE keys AGAIN...AGAIN (5th or 6th time he has lost them)left them at camp! AND.....2 days before that he jumps into the pool at day camp with his cell phone in his pocket and the tip of it is broken (not supposed to bring it but DH wants him to have it-safety)we put it in a bag with rice...do not know yet if it is working! We just got thatNEW FREAKING PHONE ABOUT 1 OR 2 MONTHS AGO! It was a replacement for the one before that that he broke... and the one before that... and the one before that!!!!! At 50.00 a pop! I wanted to shove the birthday cake on his face and UP his nose! I guess DH and I need to have a talk AGAIN! SS will not order another EXPENSIVE meal like that agin (except for his birthday or HIs special occassion and HE WILL NOT TALK TO MY MOTHER OR ANOTHER ADULT LIKE THAT AGAIN!!

Whew!!! Thank you for being there guys!!!!

hismineandours's picture

At first I had to check to make sure this was not some old post of mine. My ss13 gets very pouty whenever one of the other kids has some sort of event. This weekend was bad because it was my ds12's bday party and then ds and dd's baptism on Sunday and we were allowing them to pick the restaurant on sunday. SS never made it to the restaurant with us because for an hour prior he kept going on and on about how much he didnt like any of his siblings, how he didnt want to be around them, how my dh likes them better, how they never get in trouble-only he does. The crazy thing is that it was all completely unprovoked (except by ss's jealousy)-this occurred on our hour long car ride-ss was sitting in a seat by himself in the way back and no one was even facing his direction, speaking to him, or bothering him. He kept spewing heinous things and for the most part everyone ignored him or calmly corrected him. It was really kind of hilarious.

But is is ALWAYS something with him. Some lie he made up, some mess he made, something he broke, someone he yelled at or was rude to-it is neverending. He is the same as yours at a restaurant as well. My kiddos all try and be conscious of the prices on the menu (we are family of 6)so noone can order the most expensive items. But my ss will want the most expensive item on the menu and then pout when he doesnt get it (my dh always does tell him no).

all kids make mistakes, have less than stellar manners sometimes, but with ss it is ALL the time. Everything becomes a big deal. He will come in our house and not greet me. Dh will follow a few minutes later and say, "did you say hi to hismineandours" to which he replies-yes!-so of course I say, "now come on-you know you didnt" and then its on. He is immediatley accusing me of trying to get him in trouble, being hard of hearing, etc-a simple greeting has to turn into WW3. I hate it.

windee's picture

:jawdrop: Wow! It DOES sound like you are talking about MY SS and he is fixing to be 13 as well! SS is always losing something, breaking something, getting kicked out of something, being mouthey (he can be a nice kid at times though), yelling...throwing a fit etc.....SS blames everyone else for the things that he does! YES! Your SS sounds exactly like MY SS! :sick:

purpledaisies's picture

I understand, I would have said somehting right then and there and tell him sorry dude not your bday and that is not what you are going to get! I would have done it in the restaurant while he was ordering! Nope not going to happen with me around. Kids need to understand they are NOT paying and therefore should ALWAYS ASK BEFORE ORDERING PERIOD!

I also would have told dh that he needs to take his kid to the bathroom before I do! He knows what that means, I would have made him straighten up or I would make him sit in the car. I just don't allow it to happen. I would have stopped it before it got to that point.

Hope your son had a good bday Smile

Willow2010's picture

steak and shrimp! $16.99
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My SS does the SAME thing! All the time. If I am buying I will tell him he can't have it, but if DH is buying he always gets the most expensive crap on the menu.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Honestly, I never care what the kids order from the menu. I feel that on the rare occasion when we do get to eat out I want everyone to enjoy themselves. Order away. As long as they EAT everything they order, I don't care. SD10 orders lobster & filet mignon and she always eats it. She knows that if she doesn't she'll NEVER get to order it again. When out with ALL the kids I make sure I go to a place that we can afford. I leave the higher restaurants just for DH & I. Take a deep breath and be happy you have us so you can enjoy the birthday cake and not end up splatting it all over SS's face.

purpledaisies's picture

Why are you guys allowing these kids to spend YOUR money??? I would refuse to spend that much on dinner for a kid that is not mine nor is it his bday! I would have stopped it right then and there at the restaurant. I doi not care if they all thought I was a bitch it is my money that he thinks he can spend with out asking! HELL NO!

purpledaisies's picture

unfreakingreal that is not the point the point is that ALL kids should ASK before they order to make sure they are ordering what they are ALLOWED to order it is called respect.

windee's picture

I agree with you! I have said no to him in the past, but was hoping that DH would something about the menu and the wasy he was talking to my mom, but he didn't. I should have said something about both...you are right! And I sure will the next time that's for sure! You know, I don't even think DH even realized that SS was talking to my mom like that or what SS ordered. BUT...I did and my bitcheyness will be out there ready to act the next time! Smile

Elizabeth's picture

This reminds me of one dinner out for SD's birthday (she was then about 15). She had recently proclaimed she was a vegeterian who ONLY ate chicken (no red meat, pork, etc.). So we go to a Japanese steakhouse and SD orders steak and chicken at $18. Seriously!? And then, of course, she eats like ONE piece of the steak. Grrr...

sixteensmom's picture

My skids order prime rib or lobster dinners when we go to just grab a quick dinner, then the box up the leftovers after taking one bite and take them home to bm!! Make me insane! They take doggie bm bags home from my kitchen when we cook at home too. Drives me insane since I buy the groceries and wanted that leftover for lunch at work tomorrow!!

Disneyfan's picture

When did $16.00 become an expensive meal? I have never heard the kids should ask before ordering rule in my life. That rule is down right crazy. I would never take anyone out (adult or child) and force them to get the OK from me before they order. If you want kids to stay within a certain price range, let them know prior to entering the restaurant. But to sit in the place and have kids asking "can I get the steak?" " No" "Can I get the ribs?" "No" "Can I get the seafood platter?" 'No"... Who does that? LOL

MissResii's picture

Agreed.
if you don't want to spend that much on dinner don't take your kids. and for Bdays when I was a kid we almost always did carryout, or had our parents cook for us. I would usually ask my dad to make his AWESOME NACHOS!

windee's picture

That night was my BS 23 birthday and he wanted to go to that restaurant (we let the birthday person decide to eat in to cook out or go out, they get WHATEVER they want-the rest get normal meals) I have told SS to not order expensive meals on the few times that we do go somewhere and he does it any way. I will usually tell him NO... this time didn't.

aggravated1's picture

" I would never take anyone out (adult or child) and force them to get the OK from me before they order."

Ok, this is just weird to me. Would you perhaps, say, let a 5 year old order ice cream for dinner? Goose liver and Prime rib?
Sigh.

And for some people, $16.00 MIGHT BE an expensive meal. Ask a homeless person what they think.

lexaprotakemeaway's picture

Yeah.. I'll have to say $17 ($16.99) is pretty damn expensive for a kid. I still make mine order from the kids menu most of the time because they eat like 5 bites. Unless it's something I know they're going to eat all of (SD absolutely LOVES the ribs from TGI Fridays, so she always gets that when we go there), I'm not paying $17 for them to waste over half of what's on the plate. Call it mean, prudish, bitchy, whatever you like. I call it common sense.

doll faced sm's picture

I don't at all think it's unreasonable to set a limit on a meal price, especially for a child (step *OR* bio). What I don't like is the idea that they have to ask right there at the restaurant. Instead, I just tell my kiddo ahead of time, "Your limit is $X. That means food, drink, desert, *all* of it."

I will say, though, that for us it's not really a big deal b/c neither she nor I can eat salad *plus* a meal *plus* desert *plus* drink whatever drink we've ordered. It's just way too much. We still lie about her age at restaurants that set the cut off younger than she is so that she can order off the kids menu. I share my salad or other appatizer, we eat our meals, and if we have room (which is rare), we'll split a desert.

purpledaisies's picture

oh good grief I never said that they should ask in the restaurant have some common sense people! My point was and is that kids should be respectful and aware of the prices and yes we as parents should inform them as to what the price range is. But for kids to just go in and EXPECT that you will pay for the most expensive meal on the menu is very disrespectful!

windee's picture

I agree with this too. The thing that irritates me is that he just feels entitled to get the most expensive item on ANY menu no matter where you go. He orders an expensive meal, expensive HUGE AS* desert , and sometimes an expensive frozen drink. Every once in a while we like to go out (rare) but we have a certain limit ($) I have to watch and wait (don't go to the bathroom etc...) to make sure that SS doesn't order expensive food. Even though I have told him. It just gets frustrating! Just like you said Purpledaisies, he expects it.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

I would consider taking them to a cheaper place if you can't afford what was offered on the menu for guests at the expensive restaurant.

purpledaisies's picture

It doesn't matter if it is the least expensive place to eat in all of the world it is rude to EXPECT someone to pay for the most expensive meal on the menu! That is called respect! Which is what I'm m trying to say here is that it is a learned behavior and we as parents need to teach them that!

Holly's picture

DH and I used to have this problem because he thought it was perfectly acceptable for his little princesses (as children) to order three courses off the adults menu and only finish part of each course. Princess no 1 used to order the most expensive she could see.

Well, after discussion, we did stop taking all the kids to expensive restaurants and we limited their orders - they could order a main course and either a starter or a dessert but not both. And they had to finish what they ordered or they would only havea main course next time.

Things got a lot cheaper, they thought more about what they really wanted and most important to me, there was much less waste. They are all nearly adults now and it is no longer an issue.

Disneyfan's picture

Oh for goodness sake. This isn't about respect. There is nothing wrong with a kid ordering what they want, as long as they eat it. I'd rather the kids order what they really want and eat it, than to be "respectful" and get something cheap that they don't want and end up throwing it away. Oh, but wait, if they do that, then I get to complain about them wasting food. Damn you act the kid ordered a $100 steak. The meal was only $16.99.

aggravated1's picture

LOL!

windee's picture

Ya, If we go to get ice cream for example and tell him nothing huge or over the top something small, he tries to get the largest, most fattening, sugary item. Then DH or I (usually me) has to tell him NO! What di we/I just tell you? But dad!!!! Why can't I get it? I want it! Then he pouts that rest of the time.

NancyL's picture

BTDT, I tell them you can order anything that you want, but make sure its 10.00 or less so that I don't cancel your order.

I use to wait for m DH to say something and when he never did I decided that I was not going to let a 10 yo ruin my budget.

Done WIth It's picture

I just thought of an idea. This would have been good to use on my husband's kids...famous for wanting to order lobster.

The deal, we'll pay for your dinner if you eat it...you don't finish at least 2/3rds of the dinner, then you (the kid) buys it.

windee's picture

LOL!!! Smile

overit2's picture

LOL-I find it funny that people that don't know eachother are having coniptions about how other adults manage their ordering out styles with their kids/dh's/budgets/ideas about etiquette. ODD