my boyfriend and his exe's child
I'm writing with hope that maybe someone is or has been in a similar situation or hasn't but feels like they have advice or something to say because this one seems unusual and new to me and actually a bit scary.
I'm 29 years old and so is my boyfriend. We've been together for 5 months. We like each other a lot and feel like we would like to move in together at some point and have kids. I know it's super early in our relationship to even consider these things but we are approaching 30 and we both dream of having a family.
There is something holding me back though, three years ago he and his ex split up they were living together in his house with her daughter, they lived there for three years before the breakup. The kid took the breakup really badly because she doesn't have a biological dad and was 6 years old at the time of the breakup. She doesn't call my boyfriend dad but gives him happy father's day gifts. He agreed to keep on seeing the kid because he felt bad abandoning her. So now ever since, she goes to his house to spend a weekend there once a month.
She is now 12 years old and so a pre-teen. And I haven't met her yet because I have had mixed feeling about the situation. My bf thinks it would be good for us to meet. But i am super scared because he has been single for three years so she has had him to herself all this time and has never seen him with another woman than her mother and is probably going to hate me right? And she will probably feel jealous and resentful towards me just like I feel jealous and resentful towards her? I feel terrible saying these things but at the end of the day I don't want her around if/when we have kids if it's going to be a difficult messy situation. And I'm finding it hard accepting the fact that she is in his life when not even his own kid. Am I a horrible person? And what do I do? Thanks for your support xxxx