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My Baby shower and SD

Kushenz's picture

Hi recently I got pregnant with my first child. My two stepchildren SD12 SS6 have been living with my SO and I for two years. My two SILs are planning on throwing a small family baby shower for me but also I have a few work friends that wanted to do a shower for me as well. I'm definitely  going to have both my SC at the family one but I'm not sure if I want them to come to my work one. They won't know anybody except for me and I'm not sure if there will be any other kids there yet there is a chance. If there is not then I'll probably have to entertain them. Not looking forward to that or having to explain how I know everybody. Am I over reacting? Am I being a evil stepmom? Am I wrong? Also my SD always brings my name into something when she wants it. I can only imagine if I have two showers (that other people have offered to throw for me) she comes to she will want to have two birthday parties. It would go along the line of "well she had two showers why can't I have two parties." " well she had/has it so why can't I?"  Maybe imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and I don't know how to take it. Not sure if I'm being a bitch or just want something I can call my own with out feeling bad about it. 
confused 

Kushenz's picture

Thanks, i agree with it being work related. And yes I overthink a lot when it comes to SC. Prob not the best . 

Winterglow's picture

These are not even your kids - why would you babysit them at your work shower? The family one, OK, but the work one doesn't make sense so they stay at home.

Kushenz's picture

And the timing of the work one would be right around after they get out of school. I live a good ways from my old job and the city they plan on throwing it in. Just feel like it would be added stress for no reason making sure they are on time to go as well. 

Misstepped's picture

Even if it wasn't a 'work' one you are entitled to an adults only affair. No guilt. Don't invite them. 

notarelative's picture

Over the years I have been to a lot of work showers. There have never been any kids there. No bios. No skids. It's always been just work people present. 

Kushenz's picture

I'm thinking that would be better to considering where I used to work is not so kid friendly 

hereiam's picture

The family shower is the only one the steps need to attend.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not inviting them to the work related shower. In fact, I would think it kind of inappropriate for them to attend the work shower.

Just like parents don't always include their bios in every.little.thing, neither do step parents have to include their steps in every.little. thing. Even if you already had bios, one shower would be enough for them to attend.

Kushenz's picture

Your right it would be. I just try to make them feel included as much as I can because their BM is not really there for them. But at the same time that's not my fault and I don't want To share everything with them either . 

shellpell's picture

Don't make the same mistake as a lot of other stepmoms and give up things that you want to do with your first baby. You are allowed to have a special time/solo things just for your and your child without having to bring skid into everything. 

Findthemiddle's picture

Where I live baby showers are attended by adult females.

Kushenz's picture

No she does say my real name. But it's like if I have it why can't she? Me being a grown ass women and her barely being a teenager is no comparison . When my FH gave me my engagement ring . She asked him to get her one to cause I have one. 

Dogmom1321's picture

No, don't do it. I had friends throw me a baby shower back in February. They asked me who I wanted to invite and I strictly said adult women only! A lot of my friends don't understand the whole "blended family" thing and how complicated it is. They asked if I was sure I didn't want SD11 there. Omg it would have been a NIGHTMARE. As we had gifts being shipped to our house, SD would constantly say ridiculous remarks "That is SO not fair that HE gets a stroller!!!" Um, you're 11. You don't need a stroller. SD was absolutely dramatic and is unable to enjoy ANYTHING if it's not about her. This is a once in a lifetime event for me and I sure as hell wasn't going to let SD ruin for me. Don't feel guilty!!

P.S. - Are other children going to be attending the family one? Don't be afraid to speak up and let them know you would like an adult only event, if it's possible to pull off. If SD is going to be the only child there, I would not invite her personally. Other moms typically talk about their birth stories, what to except, the first few weeks, recovery, etc. These are all adult conversations that SD won't be a part of... unless other kids are there and which adult will be there to monitor or babysit? Make it clear that if SD attends, you won't be babysitting while you are there. You are there to enjoy yourself!

Kushenz's picture

Same she wrote in a note that if she's not happy I don't get to be happy and I can't take her "shit" things. Even tho I paid for all her things as it is cause her mom dosent . I told my friends I don't want either of the skids at the work shower. Yes at the family one I know my nieces and nephews will be attending. 

still learning's picture

 " well she had/has it so why can't I?" 

Nope, just no! This little competition where everything is even and fair between stepmom and stepdaughters needs to stop now.  You can have as many showers as you want because you're an ADULT who works and pays for things.  SD is a child and needs to be firmly put in that place by the adults in her life.  She is not entitled to have the same level of privilege that you have EARNED.  I dealt with the same thing with an adult ss when I first married DH. DH wanted everything to be "fair" between his grown jobless stoner son and me.  That halted to a screeching stop real fast!    

Stop kowtowing to her, she is a child. Soon you'll have an infant and little energy for such drama so nip it in the bud now.  

Kushenz's picture

That's the thing 9/10 times I have to put her in her place. No other adult cares to do that. Not sure why she thinks she can do everything I do or have everything I have. I've stepped up a lot with Skids and did a lot of things I didn't have to even FH told me to stop going out of my way for his kids but now I'm ready to disengage. I just see the attitude they give me and I'm ready to just stop everything I do. Then I know that they really wouldn't have nothing cause im the only one who cares if they do.