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Mowing exes lawn???

Dogmom1321's picture

Just some background, DH is in the landscaping business. 

Yesterday, DH got a text from BM "You'll be my best friend if you come mow your exes lawn for mothers day :)" 

DH replied with "No, I have a wife... and I don't want to get divorced."

She kept going on "Fine, I guess you can't give me the gift of free lawn care even though I birthed your daughter"

A couple of other similar messages after that. 

DH quit responding. 

 

**BM receently broke up with her BF and is moving. I feel like just because she doesn't have a BF now, sh'es looking to DH? Or maybe she is upset DH didn't text her happy mother's day?

IDK, but wanted to hear y'alls opinion about if DHs boundaries are totally reasonable. Thanks!

 

LakesideChill19's picture

I second that.  He didn't do it, answered in a way that shows respect for you and stopped replying/falling for her request.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

If my SO said yes to ever doing anything nice for crazy BM, I would leave him. 

Momof6WI's picture

Both my legs had better be amputated before I ever ask my ex for anything like that lol. And I'm pretty sure I'd ask a friend before him! Good for him for answering the way he did. 

tog redux's picture

Good Lord. She can hire a landscaping service.

Good for your DH - but he shouldn't have said it was because he has a wife and wants to stay married. He should have just told her to pound sand, or better yet, ignored her entirely. Saying it's because he has a wife makes it seem like he would have done it you weren't around.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Do you think he would have? I know how you feel. I don't want to think that i have to keep my hand firmly on the leash, and if i loosen my grip just a bit he will happily go back to their previous enmeshment. It's a nagging fear. Did he mow her lawn before? 

Dogmom1321's picture

No he never has. I was out of town too. I feel like he def had the opportunity on a silver platter if he wanted to though! Actions speak volumes. Honestly DH was walked all over before, and can be a BIG push over. Not just BM, just in general. But I think DH knows me enough by now what a dealbraker would be. 

Thumper's picture

LOL good for your dh.

He could have said, "OK, I charge 65bucks a yard of your size. Mow and hedge.  Just so you know,  I get paid before i mow the grass, cash....You can use the child support money, I dont mind"......

Wink

shamds's picture

He owes her for life for the privilege of using and entering her vagina. She owes him nothing for using his schlong??

oh please, my husband has been stuck overseas in essential services and I won’t see him for at least another year according to my country’s strict quarrantine and travel bans. We just moved house and i have a 3 & 4 yr old, currently home schooled, i am full time university studies doing 5 units (1 unit overload), i still managed to rip out my backyard of all existing tree stumps and roots and mixed soil with compost, mulch, manure and soil wetter etc and planted about 7m worth of garden beds in 3 rows full of veggies on my own barely a month after miscarrying, because it needed to get done before winter when we wanted to have plants already in.

So don’t tell me a lazy pos bio mum is finding lawn moving too beneath her?? I’d be tempted to say “no thanks, i mow mkr1321’s lawn almost everyday!!”

Dogmom1321's picture

Lol, yes you hit the nail on the head. She is "too good" for almost everything and would rather sit on her @ss and manipulate others than try to be a productive member of society herself. 

relationshipguru's picture

Good for him for sticking up to his manipulative, cunning, lazy, user of an ex and setting boundaries. There is no reason she can't buy herself a lawnmower and get to it.

Lifer33's picture

Good for dh for refusing, it's just a shame about the divorce bit as she may take it as' he would have done it if he wasn't scared of his wife ' but then men dnt think like selfish manipulative narc ex wives do they 

strugglingSM's picture

His boundaries seem fine. He told her no. She tried to manipulate and he didn't respond. 

I'll add that it's even more tacky that she asked him to do this considering this is his job. I think it's the worst when family members expect someone to do something that is their profession for free. For example, DH is an electrician and MIL wanted him to rewire her entire house for free. That is thousands of dollars of work. She also asked him to come over under the guise of fixing two outlets that her roommate had tried to replace on her own and done incorrectly causing the breakers to trip. Then on his way over, MIL sent him a message saying, "I asked [MIL's roommate] to leave new switches and outlets near the ones that need to be replaced" and when he got there, there was a new switch or outlet at every one in the house. She also bought extremely cheap switches and outlets (according to DH these make the work take longer) and whoever had installed the wiring originally in her home had done a terrible job, so it ended up being hours of work. 

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll is ALWAYS asking DH for things, asking him to help her in some way. It NEVER ENDS, and I am more than tired of being the "reason" or "Excuse" of why he "has" to say no to her.

I wish your husband and my husband would stop thinking they needed us as their excuse why not.

NO IS A COMEPLETE ANSWER!

My husband is a people-pleasing type and she is the using type. She recently asked him to work on her car, a BMW. He is a mechanic specialising in BMW. She wanted to go on a trip and wanted her engine "checked".

He told her, "hey Im married and working on the exes car causes problems in my marriage".

Well she went OFF on him. Called him "p-whipped, sad and pathetic." Then she threatened to up the child support (its low by about $200, and it was right before the shelter in place) and extend the spousal support (last payment was a week after her outburst via text so we knew that was bogus)

So, just to give him a break, I said "ok, well get rid of her, look at engine, this one last time". 

HIS view is that "its for transport of child" - well to that I say, "I dont like her doing drop offs at my house anyway...she doesnt have a freaking job!"

HIS view is "I make money off of it and charge the b!tch" and Im like "dont want her dirty money..."

So - the struggle is real and never ends...she owns him in her own mind, and thinks her cootchie is golden.

Dogmom1321's picture

Amen! No is a COMPLETE answer. No explanation or reason needs to be given!

Any more requests by our DHs I think need to be redirected. Ex. "No, but I'm sure you can find a local ad on FB marketplace."

"No, but I'm sure there is a local BMW mechanic in _____(your town)_________-"

caitlinj's picture

Why is the ex incapable of taking care of her own lawn care needs and when did it become her ex husbands problem?

Winterglow's picture

Is his ex physically challenged? 

Personally, I would be ashamed to ask anyone to mow my lawn for me ...

advice.only2's picture

Sorry but I keep thinking of "mow the lawn" in a different context, so reading this post in that context and all the responses I am dying on the floor laughing so hard.

youdonotdefineme's picture

If she has resorted to asking her ex to mow it, it probably hasn't been "mown" in a long time.  There will be things nesting in it

Rags's picture

Lol.

My thoughts and reaction as well.

ROFL

Dogmom1321's picture

**UPDATE** DH responded to the last text. She said "Fine! Even though I have given you the greatest gift in your life (referring to your child)"

DH said "All you have given me is a permanent headache. I'm referring to you."

LOL I'm rolling... I know he probably shouldn't have responded, but that was golden. Hoping the b!tch will take a hint now! *eyeroll* Why do these people exist and think they are more important than ANYONE else???

Rags's picture

Biologically it could be argued that it is your DH that gave BM the greatest gift of her life since he had to deliver on his part before she could deliver on hers.

Biggrin

DPW's picture

I would never ask my ex to mow my lawn - whichever way she meant it.... lol. If I couldn't handle something, I'd look it up on Youtube or pay someone to do it. I'm not helpless. 

Love that your DH put her in her place. Good DH!!! 

Rags's picture

So, BM is playing the prostitution on the installment plan game with your DH.  I am so glad to hear that he stopped his favors for past  womb donation services when he divorced.

If he pays CS to BM he needs to keep the message front and center that he pays her for the care and feeding his kids and his professional services cost money.... at an elevated rate for her.  His mowing of her lawn days are over, whatever lawn is in question.  

Wink          

 

Wink

smh

My XW wanted to have at will access to my shoulder to cry on after our divorce.  She had been a cavern crotched adulterous whore for our entire blessedly short 2.5 year marriage. After she moved out of our home and in with the geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy she insisted that I was her best friend and knew her better than anyone.  I did not play that game.

I am happy for you that your DH is clearly committed to his wife and his marriage and has no problem putting and keeping his X in her place.  Her services of birthing his child(ren) have been terminated and she needs clarity that she means nothing now that she is his X.

IMHO of course.

Applause for your DH.  He is a smart man.

 

RPS67's picture

But my ex cuts my grass.

Now, we have had an odd arrangement. He moved out (after 4 years and a trip to court to have the judge tell him to get out!) to go live at his family's old farmhouse that requires a lot of work before the kids can stay there. I was too nice and said he can have his visitation at my house until the farmhouse is done. Over a year later, it's not done and I'm annoyed but that's a different issue. On weekends the ex is here, I'm elsewhere.

I'm juggling 4 kids with more than a full time job (because ex's salary was cut due to the pandemic). 

Ex has a gf and I do not want him back (especially since I'm remarried), and I'd never guilt him into doing it because I birthed his children. I appreciate that he does it but would figure out something else if he didn't.

Rags's picture

Not even close to the same thing.  Your arrangements with your X are reasonable.  Unlike the BM in the OPs situation you are not whining and playing a GUBM card for lawn services.

Catmom024's picture

Nah...it's his form of "rent" since he's visiting with his kids there.  I agree with Rags...you're not acting like a Golden Uterus...demanding things from him because you had his kids.

Catmom024's picture

Your husband is awesome!!!  I am SO glad my boyfriend's ex had another sucker lined up when she moved out.  Otherwise my boyfriend would have been manipulated into doing all the mowing, all the home and car repairs and everything else because "she's the mother of his children"  bleh.  He wouldn't be able to stand his kids living in a yard with grass and weeds 6 feet high, a house falling down and their idiot mother driving them around in an unsafe vehicle.  

Of course i was also a single mother, ran my own business, maintained a 10 acre property and home and kept my car running.  Funny how there are different standards for different people.

Missingme's picture

There's a reason she's manless again--tramp.  While it was great that that your hubs shut her down, I'm wondering why she felt she could cavalierly make such a request?  So they have a friendly relationship?

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

I'd rather die than beg someone to cut my lawn.  I'll cut my own damn lawn until I'm dead or disabled.

 

Someoneelse's picture

My BM was sooo pathetic that she timed ger "gardening" time to be right when DH was pulling up with SD.  She would literally bend over butt in the air with her but facing the driveway so that when we pulled up, we got WAY more than we bargained for. The only way to explain it is the "bend and snap" scene in legally blonde lol, except BM isn't tiny and cute like Reese Witherspoon. She looks more like honey booboos mom before the surgery. What's even more funny is that she was newly married to this guy that was very possessive about BM when DH came around... i guess he figured out BM would give it up to anyone who wanted it, and was afraid DH wanted it lol.

Rags's picture

Classic.

This is perfect support of the thoughts I had regarding the subsurface meanings of the term  "Mowing the Xs lawn". 

Losingit321's picture

Totally reasonable!  Im glad your DH did that.  It never ends with some BM's.... mine will never get over her divorce and it so involved with his family it's ridiculous.