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Moving out....

tigerbum's picture

Submitted by tigerbum on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 9:28pm

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General Discussion

So after all the heartbreak and tears of last week. I have now found my own little house and cannot wait to move. Of course now i'm out the door SO can't stop crying and is devestated.

We are not splitting up but i cant wait to live on my own and when the going gets touch guess what i can now do? Go home to my own house where i dont have to do 8 loads of washing a week, cook, clean, referee fights, watch every word i say for when its all reported back to BM, hold my tougue when SO is p!ssing me off, pretend i give a rats ass about the chickens out the back and generally give give give to everyone but myself!

And what else, he is going to learn that you dont know what you've got untill its gone. I have printed SO an excellent article on "how to create an evil step-mom" which he needs to read and understand before there would be any chance of me moving back and some big changes need to take place.

Guess what peeps. There has been a power shift in this relationship and i am lovin it!!!

Have any of you done this and what has been your experience??? I am worried that i am going to love being without skids and having my own freedom. I guess thats the risk i'm willing to take!! he he he

dodgegal05's picture

Submitted by dodgegal05 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:37pm

I am so happy for you! You have taken back a small amount of happiness and power all step moms seem to have sucked out of them. Good luck!

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 6:27am

I envy you. I am feeling so tired of the bullshit the BM brings to our relationship, along with the PAS she is doing with the skids.

We should start a SM's retreat house!! Smile

reluctantgma's picture

Submitted by reluctantgma on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:02am

I did this, only the house was mine, so Bozo and Baby Huey got locked out. I sorta hoped Bozo would have an epiphany, but he's still deep in denial and now in an environment where pandering to BH is accepted and encouraged. My bet is he's thinking to keep a congenial relationship with me for the next four years until BH is an adult and out of h.s., then pick up w/me where we left off. Of course, he forgot to ask did that work for me? His issues that made him such a rotten partner to me and parent to his son won't get dealt with this way. I'm moving on.

Congrats to you on your liberation and freedom from the madness, tigerbum. Enjoy!!!

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 1:45pm

Good for you! Let him get his house in order before he even thinks about dating you. Most of these men aren't ready for a real relationship with another adult simply b/c they are putting their own spawn on an equal or superior level to the woman who is supposed to be his equal partner.

leftfield's picture

Submitted by leftfield on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 2:25pm

And some men never change this behavior and wonder why they are always single!!!

liks's picture

Submitted by liks on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 1:43pm

Thats such a very important point Auteur.

Men that do place their spawn on the same level/superior as their wife really do have issues. I would also suggest that the narcky bitchy ex BM who suggest to her ex husband how his bio kids relationship is of a superior level to that of his wife are also the real trouble makers of these step families who cant get along......

liks's picture

Submitted by liks on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 12:46pm

yeap....same with mine....my DH is sorry that I have to endure all this crap that his BM and horror teenage kids fling at me....

He is disgusted in their behaviours, but I never feel he sorts it out properly....skids seem to think they have got away with it...and I never see punishment to fit the crime, so to speak.

Wish all people entering into a new relationship would sort out their previous relationships and hang ups and realize that if they dont, they will bring them into their new lives like a peice of cancer that festers and grows and tries to take over...

tigerbum's picture

Submitted by tigerbum on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 5:55pm

I wonder if this is just me saying we will stay together to make it easier and less upsetting for the both of us. I used to be a confident person who took no cr@p off anyone and now i am not myself and feel his guilt for the skids and i should def not. Its not my fault his whore of an ex-wife starting shagging all round town while he was burying his head in the sand!

I think its only going to take the slightest fight once i move out to make me realise that its never going to work. I don't think he'll change, he will always make me feel less important to his spoit brats (3 girls) can you imagine my pain! He will always suffer with guilt as he has never accepted why his marriage broke down. Oh well i'm moving on, he can either fit in with me and what i want or find someone else to attempt to have a relationship with.

One thing is for sure...I have never respected my step-mum as much as I do now. My dad did exactly the same with me. I never was told off, got my own way and he even used to bitch about her to me. Now i can imagine how bad it must have been for her. If fact she should have left him! ha ha ha

wonderland0819's picture

Submitted by wonderland0819 on Fri, 10/28/2011 - 11:32am

where did you get the article about how to create an evil stepmom? I would love hubby to read it. He is definitely on his way to creating one.

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 4:06pm

I don't think you'll want to move back. I made my exbf and Sd move out of my house and never once regretted it. It was very difficult to be together after being so close to having it all and then taking such a huge step back. Things only got worse over time. I realized that the only life I could have with him was half a life -- because his mother, daughter, and ex wife were just too much because he couldn't manage them.

I have no regrets. In fact, the more time goes by, the clearer I see everything and wonder how I put up with so much bullshit for so long. Read my blogs...some of the old ones are still on here.

No regrets here...just sadness that my exbf's codependency ruined our chance to be together. I think I'll always be angry with him for having his priorities out of line...

Good luck to you and enjoy your space. I guarantee life is about to get a whole hell of a lot less stressful for you!

tigerbum's picture

Submitted by tigerbum on Mon, 10/31/2011 - 10:37pm

Well little update for you peeps. We went away for the weekend for a wedding with friends. He acted like a single man all weekend and hardly spent anytime with me. He didnt bother coming back to our apartment untill 4am and wasnt answering his phone. So guess what happens, he finally rocks up to my wrath and he proceeds to throw me across the room. I hit the wardrobe with a big bang. I never knew he had it in him. I was so shocked. He then proceeded to tell his family a pack of lies (they believed him) and they all ganged up on me. Just so you can understand where i'm coming from. I am from the UK but live in Australia so thousands of miles away from my family. I counted his family like my own so the fact that they did this to me hurt so much. that was the straw that broke the camels back. Me and my workmates went to the house yesterday in convoy and moved all my stuff into my new house where i will recover from the shock and build a life without all the bullsh!t.

I know its going to be rough for a while but i am optimistic for the future. I hope he has not ruined my trust in people going forward and i am sure i'll recover from this. What i have now realised in the time i origionally wrote this post is that moving out and trying to have a realationship was never going to work.

In someways i hope he regrets what he has done but in another breath i think who cares, there's no going back anyway.

xx

liks's picture

Submitted by liks on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 9:27am

Your In Australia? REPORT IT!!! Go to the cops and report it.....I had an ex that slammed my head into the wall once - I called the cops and they came...they took the prick away and brought him back around 6am the next morning....He HAD TO CALL THE mens line....they wanted him to come in and do some seminar and abuse course...but he refused...OFCOURSE...However they were really good and gave him some help over the phone....I think they called and counselled him over the phone a few times.....

ALL OF THIS WAS FREE OF CHARGE AND PAID FOR BY THE AUSTRALIAN GOVT.

I ended up leaving this idiot but, I believe that my reaction will help other women who date him in years to come....

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 1:06pm

Good for you to get out! I never in a million years thought that GG (man I live with) would be so mysogynistic and downright violent. But he is. Basically these guys cut their teeth on you after getting taken advantage of by the BM.

Look at all the serial killers who idolize a woman and then she says "no thanks" so then they turn their rage against every woman they come into contact with thereafter.

Run and never look back. My exit plan is going along well. If I can get this dump of a house that I bought b/c I was "so in love with GG" and he "wanted to be closer to his kids" (TM) on the market, I'll be leaving so fast it'll make his head spin.

mia23's picture

Submitted by mia23 on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 1:43am

:jawdrop: Wow. Well I have also been through 3 violent and emotionally abusive relationships before I met my husband. Don't look back, you did the right thing moving out! Good luck Tigerbum. your life can only get better now. Just don't attract the same type of man again. Get your confidence and self esteem back first and you will attract the right type. If I had my time over again I don't think I would bother getting married or live with anyone because anyone over the age of 30 usually has baggage (ie children). Why go there? Step children are a whole load of work and headaches and the fathers don't know how to priortise their marriages and discipline their children. The thing with being a stepmom is that everyone expects you to act like a mom, do everything like a mom, but you are not allowed to have a differing opinion.

Not-the-mom's picture

Submitted by Not-the-mom on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 7:42am

You can count on getting support from here when you need it. You made a wise move to get away from him! Good for you! Smile

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 9:07am

Tiger, love and prayers to you! At this point, please, no more contact. Keep your friends close and just delete/ erase anything he sends you w/out reading it. He is blanked-history. Men that do this are weasels, they try to worm thier way back, don't let him do it. Now, the good news- YOU'RE FREE!! Dirol Smile Good for you girl!!! I do think the ex deserves a few things though- a gun and a shovel. & maybe a nice abandoned lot to take his eternal dirt nap. (((hugs)))

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 8:18pm

I haven't done this, but a friend of mine has. She is divorced and has two children. She only has her kids on the weekends. Her (now Ex) BF was very recently divorced with full custody of his two kids. His two kids could do no wrong in his eyes, and he didn't demand they respect my friend. They didn't do any chores, never cleaned up after themselves, and were spoiled. (Mind you, they were also older than my friend's kids). Her children only had a couch to sleep on at their house because he couldn't take anything away from his "poor kids". My friend couldn't take it anymore and finally moved out. She continued to date this man because she still loved him. They stayed together off and on for at least another year after she moved.

However...she is not known for picking the most suitable men to begin with, so I can't say it's all one-sided!

tigerbum's picture

Submitted by tigerbum on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 12:27am

He has shown no remorse for what he has done to me. I have taken my final things from the house and left my keys behind. He keeps trying to give me things, like mattress's etc but i refuse to take anything. Its only to ease his disgusting guilt.

Skids and BM will find out this weekend so I wonder if she will text or call. She did the crime and now i'm doing the time! Fu#k that! LOL

My new little house is starting to take shape and i went out as a single girl for the first time on Tuesday. Flirted with a few hot guys and it felt good.

I am still very sad and dissapointed tho!

runt71's picture

Submitted by runt71 on Fri, 11/18/2011 - 2:22pm

Is it odd that I come across this post as I am considering leaving? No, not because he is mean or abusive. Because I don't want to deal with kid shit, ex wife shit. I have enough crap from the 3 I gave birth to....not sure I want to deal wilth it from 3 I didn't.
We had been shopping for rings/dresses/ looking on line at places on the Gulf to get married. I just called it all off.
Until he has his bills (their shit) in order and is able to provide equally to this relationship I don't know that I want to be in one. As of now I have spent $3000. paying off his debt. (hello, I am out of a job!) I am done.
Do I still love him....yes, as much as ever. But I am not a bank, counselor or nanny.