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mother's day at SD's school..need help

dragonfly's picture

i was asked by SD if i wanted to come to her school tomorrow for a mothers day event where she is going to sing. i was confuses cause she has never asked me before and then she says "but take BABY (my 3 month old baby) because my mom wants to see her". there's the catch..BM just wants to see how my baby looks and that is why i was invited... so i have no idea on what to do cause i feel like i wasnt really invited to the event and i will have to see and stand hypocrit BM for an hour... i need advice please

Angel's picture

and leave the baby at home.

dragonfly's picture

and what do i do about BM? she stares as if she's never seen another person before...

dragonfly's picture

what if i can't get someone to take care of my baby and im forced to take her with me? what if BM and her mom want to carry her? how do i tell them NO in a way that i don't make a scene in front of the whole school?

BabygotBack1988's picture

baby doesnt like strangers !
baby is a mams baby and yo uliek it tthta way

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you ) Blum 3

BabygotBack1988's picture

baby doesnt like strangers !
baby is a mams baby and yo uliek it tthta way

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you ) Blum 3

doglover1's picture

and give bm the satisfation of knowing she gets what ever she wants. i would simply say baby was sick end of story. I never go to events where bm is there. SHe does not care for me and the feeling is mutual.I would like to go to some events that sd is in ...but its better for all not to have a seen, and hurt feelings etc.

Sita Tara's picture

BM doesn't acknowledge SD has a sister, and SD is not even allowed to mention her name over there.

Anna is 2.

This I think has alienated SD from Anna quite a bit through that sorta mind control "if we don't mention her she doesn't exist" thing.

My ex and his wife on the other hand are crazy about Anna once even helped the boys babysit her for us while we went to church. Not that I ever expected that from BM, but I do feel for me at least there would be a natural curiosity to see my child's sibling. BM gets annoyed if Anna and I are outside when she pulls up in front of our neighbor's house (BM doesn't even pull in the drive for SD.)

I would go if SD wants you there and BM isn't insisting you stay away. No matter the motive. This is an opportunity for you to show SD you care and that you and BD are family too.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

ColorMeGone2's picture

I'd go, too. If asked if they could hold the baby, you smile and say, "No, I'd rather not." It's your child. You don't know anyone any explanations, especially ones that should be obvious.

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

frustratedinMA's picture

I would never allow any child that I ever have in the future to be held by the bm.. nor would I really bring the child around the bm.

I dont think it needs to be recipricated because YOU care for HER child.. its not like if your dh wasnt in the picture you would have anything to do w/her child. Therefore, your DH isnt in bm's life, and she should have no rights to touch your child.

Am I making sense?

frustratedinMA's picture

oh.. phew.. i was concerned that I wasnt laying it out clearly. I have already told DH that my future children will not meet bm if I have ANYTHING to do with it.

PinkPixie's picture

I say go, and I say do whatever you have to do to make it appear as though you are 100% comfortable around bm, even if you have your baby along. Chances are, she won't ask to hold her. If she does, you will only look bad by saying no. The best thing to do is let her, and then hope like heck that your baby cries the minute she picks her up! LOL.

Another thing, your sd may want to show her baby sister off to her friends. My daughter has asked me to bring her younger sibs to school before for that reason.

Sita Tara's picture

But I actually enjoyed when SD and her friends would swarm around Anna and me to see her and BM was there. I'm not a mean person, but it was definitely satisfying knowing that BM could not avoid her daughter's sibling's existence any longer.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

_Jess_'s picture

sit near her? When BM comes to SD's soccer games (let's see...that's been once in the last three years, haha), DH went over and talked to her for a couple minutes. I stayed put and she didn't come near me.

She told DH she's afraid of me, LMAO!!!

_Jess_'s picture

It just strikes me as funny, because I am such an understated person. She's the one who actually screamed at me being that I'm a bitch when we were picking SD up (yes, in front of SD....lovely woman).

sweetthing's picture

because we see her daily. It's worse now with baseball season. She has held my son & my DH ( Dumbass husband) had her watch all 3 kids once...don't get me going here on this one)

It's hard, but everyone always goes on & on how cute, social, smiley & happy my baby is. He also looks like a blonde haired version of her favorite son who she thought looked more like her side,,,haha, DH loves that.

I imagine it is hard seeing my little guy for her.

dragonfly's picture

i ended up taking baby with me cause my mil was also invited(because i told SD to invite her otherwise she wouldnt have done it) and she picked us up. i know i shouldn't be like this but i felt good about my self cause i look way better than her and i just had a baby 3 months ago and it's been 5 years since she had one. my baby looks like daddy sooo much and just like ur baby SWEETTHING my girl is very cute, happy and is always i mean always smiling to people even if they are not talking to her. and just as expected BM asked to carry my baby i hesitated at first but like Pink Pixie said my baby got fussy and began squirming around (i think she can smell evil)and was returned right away in less than 10 secs. my baby likes to be carried and gets very happy and is usually screaming but not this morning she was very serious. i really did not want to be there but i did it for SD i guess i'll find out later if she appreciated us going.... if she doesnt oh well who cares...and about BM ... i will be having nightmares and so will my baby ( i apologized to her already)

i posted last night very late that is why i did not have time follow ur advise and when my mil got here it was to late to change plans...but thanks everyone now i have to go and clean my child and rid her of all that is BM..

dragonfly's picture

oh and i will be telling my husband that i deserve something good for putting up with BM's ugly face today... what should i ask for? any ideas besides asking not to be put in that situation where i have to see ugly face