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Mother's Day

Someoneelse's picture

I have my own daughters and DH likes to celebrate me, and I appreciate that... I love DH and my girls wishing me a happy mother's day... but I detest SD17 half @$$ed text EVERY SINGLE YEAR... "happy mothers day" is what she sends me, and I ignore it... then DH asks if I got a text from SD, and I tell him, yes, I did... but  do I tell him I'd rather not recieve that text? no, because it hurts his feelings. This year I think I am going to tell him NOT to remind SD to text me, because I'd much rather it be people who ACTUALLY appreciate me and look forward to spending that time with me... I do NOT want want my focus to be shifted to an ungrateful brat who makes JUST enough effort to be able to say that she always wishes her stepmother a happy mother's day greeting every year.

SD who makes EVERY SINGLE effort to try to tear apart our family at EVERY oppurtunity. I just feel like this 17yo infantile child should NOT be my focus on mother's day...

Someoneelse's picture

I know that DH reminds her every year to make sure to text me... that's what i meant about DH

Rags's picture

celebrating those who gave kids life and who are their primary care givers through childhood.

Certainly, while it is children that qualify someone as a mother, the day has nothing else to do with children.

I honor my mother on that day, I honor my wife on that day, and I honor friends who are mothers.

I do not really give children a thought on that day other than start reminding my kid about a week ahead of time to not forget to call his mom.

Someoneelse's picture

That's what DH does with sd, he reminds her to tell me happy mothers day... but just her dogs half @$$ed attempt pissed me off... we get sd on fathers day, but make sure to get her back early (by request of sd)  to spend Father's day dinner with her step dad.  

Id just rather pretend sd doesn't exist on mothers day.  But DH reminds her to contact me.

ESMOD's picture

Then don't make her your focus.  

You can't control what she does.  You know making a big deal to your DH about "not" reminding her will only cause a conflict.. so just take the path of least resistance.

When you get "the text" treat it like a fart... simply delete it..or open and close it without reading (to get rid of the notification).. then move the heck on with your day.  Just ignore it.. like you would a fart on the train.. what else can you do.. you can't stop the other person from farting right?

If your DH asks if you got it.. "yeah.. I think so.. oh.. honey.. we need to go back to that lunch spot I went to.. the chocolate cake was soooo good"  

I understand she is a bitter pill to swallow for you.. but a text literally has no power over you unless you allow it.

Mominit's picture

Perhaps you can ignore the text, and the person it's from by remembering that no matter how old she is your DH is teaching her manners, and very obviously showing SD that HE honors your position.  Him reminding her to wish you a Happy Mother's Day is her being reminded every year that he feels you are worthy of the attention, the honour and the gratitude of a caregiver.  The fact that she can't do it well reflects on her.  The fact that he insists every year that she do it reflects on him.  I'm sure she hates every year that your DH insists that you be acknowledged as a wonderful woman.  I'd acknowledge the text with a quick "thank you", and move on with my day.

Also, realize that 17 year old girls can generally be very self-focused.  It may not be an outpouring of emotion, but perhaps she really does mean HMD?   You know your relationship best.  

Someoneelse's picture

No, I'm sure she doesn't mean it. The fact that every year she begs DH to do her of early so she can spend Father's day dinner with her step dad (you know, instead of with her actual father) but i don't get a phone call, she doesn't ask to come spend any time with me for mother's day... but, i don't want any attention from her, but I'll do as suggested, which is what i i do every year: open the text, close it, ignore it, and when DH asks about it, confirm i got it and move on with my day.  

Rags's picture

If I were a BioDad living local to my kids, there would be no Father's Day with StepDad.  I would also make sure that my kids were with their mother on Mother's Day, even if that fell on my time.

As we lived under a long distance visitation schedule, our son was never with the Spermidiot on Father's Day.  

Someoneelse's picture

right? thats kinda how I feel, but DH always wants to be the "bigger person" and show SD that he thinks stepdad is an important person in SD's life. Also, SD eventually goes back to BM sunday night ANYWAYS, DH just brings her home BEFORE dinner so that she can have dinner with stepdad. which I GUESS is admirable, but it just makes me pissed that she makes sure to leave DH early on HIS day... like kinda rude if you ask me...

advice.only2's picture

You can tell your DH for mother's day he can get your the gift of "butt the f@ck out."  Tell him you would like him to leave your relationship with SD between you and her.  I finally had to do this with my DH and I had to explain to him nothing from his Spawn was better than a fake anything.  

Someoneelse's picture

I haven't heard from sd all day, the day is almost over and BAM! in the middle of dinner, she sends in all lower case and no punctuation (so literally the last amount of effort possible) "happy mothers day"

 

Dd17 got me a oil diffuser, dd18 got me a bouquet of soap roses, DH took me out to breakfast and dinner. SD sends me the last amount of effort text as she does every year lmao...

Rags's picture

St. Thomas NV (Ghost Town) and Red Rock Loop Trail Lake Mead National Rec Area.

As I am writing this, I am not one of the recently discovered steel container encased human remains that were discovered this weekend as Lake Mead recedes due to the ongoing drought.

I must be doing something right to keep my bride happy enough to not dispose of my body.   So far.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

A doozy...I would much prefer a text message and no phone calls from one of the adult SSs. My birthday and Mother's Day is the build up for "this call" and I would much prefer to focus on me that day. Typically the one adult SS says "I'll call her at this exact time" which in turn DH tells me about. I then have that occupying the back of my mind and then the call doesn't actually happen until the end of the day. I have shut down any facetime activity- I am working towards just getting it to be a text message from him. I've already set the example - I only send an obligatory text message when I must. This only goes for the one adult SS and the DIL. Other SS I kind of enjoy his messages- he's kind. I am 100% ok with having different interactions pending on the child- I do not play the game of even and balanced after all the crazy making from the one kid. 

Someoneelse's picture

I guess i should be glad i don't get phone calls, i should just rather her not contact me at all on mother's day

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

I understand completely Someoneelse - I get it. However this is great - it's not too intrusive and you can respond when you want. I'd lay low and I hope to get to your level of interaction soon.