This morning I lost my cool
Okay... I would appreciate it if we could just hold the negative comments toward me lol and I understand totally that the following items I flipped out over sound stupid. I completely feel for the other posters that are going through way worse and honestly this is the least of my problems.
This morning, my son had his shoes on and I told him "tie your shoes," then he doesn't and goes into the bathroom with his toothbrush, I told him I asked him to tie his shoes! Then he goes and sits at the dining table while the sds are done getting ready and talking and just sits there! I flipped on him. Now, I flipped on him because this shoe tying thing is a constant problem. After school his shoes are untied and it takes me at least two times of telling him to do it, then 10 minutes of tying because he can't keep his mouth shut. On Tuesday, we were running late for school because he was taking forever going to the bathroom and then when I asked him to tie his shoes, I go in my room to grab my things and come out and he's sitting on the couch with his shoes untied. Can you see why I lost it with him today????
So I leave him after lecturing him on listening to what he's told, and go to my room and say "oh my fucking god!" Only sd8 heard me and the SD's are super religious and hate it when I take "the Lords name in vain." I really shouldn't have thrown the f word in there but it just came out. I don't do it on purpose just to piss them off, it's not all the time and my anger wasn't directed at the SD's at the time. Sd8 starts crying at the table and I tell her if she doesn't stop crying she will have consequences during with DS does. She stopped. I find out later when she was crying she was telling her dad that she doesn't like it when I take the lords name in vain and if We ever say bad words and she doesn't want to live with someone who does that. Great so I pissed her off.
Then sd11 has been excited about middle school right, and she decided to pack a bag FULL of crap to go in her tiny locker for PE. Her dad starts telling her he is not going to let her bring all of that stuff and that she looks like she's going on vacation! Well, I bought her one of those locker chandeliers and magnetic wallpaper, because I thought she was going to have a big locker for her books. She doesn't, so I told her a few days ago I told her I was going to return everything and get her another in high school. When DH is looking through her bag he finds the chandelier and wallpaper in there I get pissed! I told her I was returning the stuff! The boxes were all banged up because she shoved it in there and she deliberately hid it from me, disrespecting my authority! I didn't yell, but I lectured her.
DH says, let's have a meeting. He tells me I'm pissing everyone off and taking everything personal. I say I'm holding everyone accountable. It's unacceptable that they disrespect me or him by lying or not following orders and it pisses me off and it's not my fault they all pissed me off all in one morning! I also told him that he doesn't understand what it's like to be with them all the time and have them pull this sneaky shit all the time! It wears on you!
I have a job interview on Monday and I hope I get it!!! Being on disability because of my epilepsy has sucked and I can't wait to go back to work even if it only means a couple hours of sanity after they get out of school. With sane, adults, that listen and show respect.
Pet peeve, disrespectful children. Why on earth do I want another one in the future, I will never fucking know.
I know, I'm a terrible mother, stepmother, and I flip over stupid shit! But when they do it every day?? It doesn't seem so fucking stupid TO ME.
We're going to counseling tonight actually and we're planning on discussing it. Are there any tips do you think I should bring up? Anyone who wants to offer something constructive that I can bring up to DH or the counselor to ask or whatever, it would be helpful. I just don't know how to control my temper. Respect is important in my home.