Moms who want to Help, Fix, Rescue
I found soemthing I wanted to share as I thought many here could relate. I know this certainly applies to myself. Have you ever heard of "overfunctioning?" New term to me but describes me perfectly and makes sense how I got myself in such terrible binds thinking I was doing what was best by everyone and only trying to help.
The definitions for the Overfunctioning Woman and High-Functioning Woman are fundamentally different. The High-Functioning Woman is indeed also busy and productive, but she picks and chooses what she will and will not do. The Overfunctioning Woman, by contrast, must do it all. Only in this way can she demonstrate both her competence and basic worth to herself and others. The Overfunctioning Woman is caught in a Treacherous Triangle and does not know how to get out. The three points on the Treacherous Triangle form an interdependent relationship of 1) overfunctioning, 2) poorly constructed or flagging self-esteem, and 3) a susceptibility to attend to the needs of others.
Strangely, the Overfunctioning Woman seems to make the grip of the Treacherous Triangle on her life tighter by seeking relationships with those who have “it’s all about me” personalities. She tends to fly like a moth to the flame towards these Impossible People. This is particularly perilous because they are so demanding and she is internally driven to make everything work. The Overfunctioning Woman needs to make situations, relationships, activities “right”—no matter what the cost in energy, time, and her self. With regard to Impossible People(Point #3), whether a boss, co-worker, partner, relative, or even someone with whom she thinks she’d like to be friends, she often finds herself trying harder and harder (Point #1) while feeling worse and worse. Insidiously, this chips away at her easily shaken self-esteem (Point #2). As you can see, it does not matter at which point on the TT a woman starts. She (and you) inevitably connects to the other two points.
Again and again, overfunctioning generates the TT. Over time, the TT creates conflicting states of mind, high fatigue, overwhelming anxiety or detachment from emotions, high-maintenance and poor quality relationships, avoidance of painful issues, and erosion of good judgment. All too often, this combines to create a sense of alienation and a variety of physical symptoms. The burden of Overfunctioning generates an ever-escalating cycle.
Is there a way out? Yes. There's lots of info on the Internet, even books available on the subject.