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mommie knows best *thick sarcasm

asheeha's picture

I just need to vent. And this seems to be the best venue, with people who "get" it. The only advice I'm asking for is moral support or how we can use her appalling choices to benefit our upcoming court case.

BM asks for divorce and DH is devastated, unfortunately for him he knows nothing about divorce and how a contrite ex wife at the time of asking is a much more agreeable creature than a scorned ex wife a month afterward. So he didn't have a lawyer because she said he didn't need one, however, she had one. He gave up joint custody and gave her sole custody because a lawyer looked at the settlement and said thought it was a sweet deal for him, low child support and he keeps his rather large 401K plan. Lawyer says as long as you agree about religion, education and medical care, custody doesn't matter. Of course, at the time ex wife and DH do agree. He gives up sole custody, and now he's screwed and much of his immense pain is because of this fact. So, I don't need anybody telling me he screwed up, every lawyer we've seen seems to nail this fact over and over again. But what is done is done.

SD10 is on a second grade reading level. I could tell the first year I was around that her reading was below par. I finally convinced DH to get her a reading tutor, nothing fancy, just someone to work on her site words. BM does not use the reading tutor for site words, she uses her to help SD10 with homework, stuff BM should be doing. So, there is no extra reading happening and SD10 does not improve. BM says that tutor is useless and that SD10 does better when she is helping her and fires the tutor.

Apparently the school said SD10 needed to be tested 2 years ago and finally this year it is done. SD10 is at a 2nd grade reading level. An IEP is in the works, but it is suggested that SD10 be removed from class to get extra help in Reading. SD10 is upset and doesn't want to go to the stupid class. So, BM overcome with pitty for her child does not want her to be pulled out either, no matter how much it will actually help her. BM wants the teacher to just go easier on SD10.

She cancels the IEP meeting.

Then proceeds to transfer the girls to a new school. She asked DH his opinion, we found out the new school has lower ratings and nothing more to offer SD10 and her needs. We also said we feel it's a bad idea to pull her out of a school where they know her, a teacher who has worked with her in the middle of the semester to and have a school who knows nothing about her provide a plan to best meet her needs.

The next day, DH birthday, we get a call from the girls school saying that they have been transferred to new school.

DH calls the new school and finds out an IEP meeting has been scheduled for SD10 this Friday.

DH talks to the girls, they say nothing about going to a new school. This is very strange, they would normally talk about an event that big.

BM doesn't say anything about her transferring the kids or the scheduled IEP meeting.

We haven't divulged the fact that we know. We are waiting to see if she does the right thing and tells him. DH will not throw a fit, it isn't his style, he goes with the flow. He knows he gave up his rights with custody. But he didn't give up his rights to know what is happening with his kids education or to be involved in the process.

But BM is getting her way, a new school where she can manipulate them to give SD10 what she feels is best for her, not the educated professionals, and eliminate DH from the picture so his opinion is eliminated as well.

I'm so glad that DH has developed a good relationship with the school his kids attend, he has worked hard the last year to develop it, because of his involvement and because he attends activities he was informed and will not be eliminated from his daughters IEP meeting. Regardless of BM's sneaky behavior.

asheeha's picture

One thing I'd like to clarify, she didn't transfer the kids before asking his opinion. She said she was thinking about it and wanted to know DH's opinion. She transferred the kids without our knowledge and is acting as though nothing has changed.

skylarksms's picture

So he gave up physical custody of any kind. What about LEGAL custody?

In our situation, PB has 100% physical custody but they have JOINT LEGAL. This means he is supposed to be contacted/informed of any major decision like medical, educational, etc.

Not that she DOES. But just that we could get her in trouble for it.

asheeha's picture

as far as I understand he gave up both. However, there is a federal law for non custodial parents that states they have the right to all education and medical information and that the custodial parent is to inform the non custodial parent of events like these and supply medical records, school records, or at least let them know where to get them. There has to be a court order specifically saying that the non custodial parent doesn't have rights to this information for the school or the medical offices to deny his request.

BM has said, grudgingly, that SD10 and SD8, were in counseling, mind you it was 2 months after they started going, and the reason she even mention it was because her lawyer told her she was required to tell him what is going on in his daughter's life regarding her medical care.