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Mini wives

JBDmom's picture

How exactly can you tell if your SD is a “mini wife”? Is it the jealousy that they have towards you and SOs relationship or is it something else? I’ve been debating lately about if my SD is and has always been a mini wife to my BF and I just didn’t realize it was a thing. 

Sanfranciscobaby's picture

Does he confide to her? Does he let her make decisions? Does he kiss her on the lips. Does he go into the bathroom when she is showering. Does she sit on his lap in a suggestive manner? Is she jealous of you? Does she demand one on one time with him without you? Does she make him take her out on the same dates he took you? Does he give her gifts on Valentine’s Day? Do they text all day everyday and he keeps the texts a secret? Did he jump into loose boundaries with you? 

shamds's picture

For example my sd23 had sd14 dumped on her by bio mum which hubby didn’t know as she’d kidnapped them 6 years ago. 

So if hubby wants to contact sd14, it must be via sd23 approval. If hubby tells her since its religious holidays and she’s working and hubby wil ltake sd14 with him to visit his family sd23 says no that she is following their stepdad by his demands they are not to visit their dad and his family

hubby is not the parent here but sd23. This has transferred into her thinking she can do whatever to my 2 toddlers that when i say no she and her sister will answer back “well we’ll just do it or give her a little”, they believe in their heads they are above us, that our authority regarding our minor kids come after them. 

Dads often do not realise this and in my case hubby believes they are being playful and excuses this behaviour 

we were at a nephews enagagement party, my daughter dressed in a pretty dress and hair styled, sd23 decided she’ll undo my daughters hair and tie it up messily. Then we get in the car it was a really hot day, she had left a chocolate bar in a scorching hot car for 4-5 hours, without asking for permission while i was getting my 1.5 yr old settled in his car seat, sd’s had given a melted liquified chocolate bar to my daughter that went everywhere. When i say no don’t do that it’ll make her real sick and is inappropriate to give to a 2 yr old they will answer even in front of dad “ok we’ll do it or we’ll give a little”. I am telling you don’t do something to my kids because its rude, inappropriate and stupid so don’t do it... 

its a bigger problem when your husband doesn’t accept that this is a problem and in my case hubby claims his daughters are just being playful

Rags's picture

Time for daddy to call the police and drive kidnapping charges against BM, StepDad and SD-23.  Time to destroy these manipulative criminal POS people and get his minor daughter the hell away from that shallow polluted toxic gene pool.

Grrrrrr!

hereiam's picture

If she were a mini wife, your BF would be responsible for making her one. To be a mini wife, he would need to be treating her as a wife, instead of a daughter. It's not just a little jealousy, which is normal.

I think the term is thrown around a little too loosely, sometimes. Kids going from living with a parent, to only seeing them EOWE, or whatever, are going to feel jealousy towards a person who now gets to be with their parent more than they do.

My SD27, when she was young, once said something to the tune of, "Well, you know my dad better than I do". It made me sad, actually (and I could see the sadness in her eyes), because I knew she felt that she had lost her dad because of the divorce and she did, at least in the way that she was used to having him.

But, she wasn't (and isn't) a mini wife, by any means.

 

beebeel's picture

Your SD is a toddler. It's way too early for the term "mini wife." Nearly every 3 year old is clingy with their parents. Stop trying to find fault with this baby girl and start expecting more from your boyfriend.

JBDmom's picture

Step off your parenting high horse. I’m not accusing my SD of anything I was really just wondering exactly what the term meant. Scoot on out of here with all of you judgement and ruin someone else’s day *bye*

beebeel's picture

You are sitting there wondering if a 3 year old has "always" been a mini-wife. You should be sitting there wondering why you put up with a man who dumps his kid on you for weeks on end while he lives elsewhere doing fuckall as a parent.

I don't even have to mount my really tall horse to see that this guy is a crap parent and even crappier boyfriend. You can continue to blame this little girl, which will get you nowhere except resentful of the wrong person and more accusations/fights from your boyfriend. 

flmomma08's picture

This part is true. I used to resent the hell out of my SD when she was really young for doing NORMAL KID THINGS. It was DH's parenting that was the problem and once I realized that and addressed it, things actually did improve. I haven't read all your posts but clingy toddlers are normal. My daughter is very clingy with me and she is not a COD. It's just normal for that age.

JBDmom's picture

I’ve seen the term on multiple posts of mine and was trying to figure out exactly what it was especially since I see it a lot on here. 

flmomma08's picture

From what I understand, it has to do with the way your DH treats your SD as more of a partner than a child. It can seem like its the child who is jealous or overstepping, but it is almost always a problem with dad's parenting. He is putting a child on the same level as an adult.

bananaseedo's picture

It takes some years to make one....the 'normal' and worse ages seem to be around 10-14, but you can see signs as early as 8-9 -at least IMO...it just picks up a notch as they get older and before boyfriends.  For us it also got worse as he tried to apply boundaries-she bucked back hard by turning up those behaviors horrificly.