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Met my boyfriends children a few months ago and now I am feeling overwhelmed.

Pinki3663's picture

Hello

I have been reading this site for about a week now and I am very thankful that I found it!

I am 25 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years. I do not have any children of my own and honestly never wanted to have one. I am an introvert and love my alone time. I own my home and I have 2 very large dogs. One is an English mastiff he is 9 months and about 130lbs so he is not done growing, the other is a Malamute and is 130lbs but is full grown she is about 6 years old.

So I have met my boyfriends children ages 8 and 12 a few months ago. I am feeling very overwhelmed by all of it. My boyfriend has this whole idea that I am going to be motherly and instantly fall in love with his children. We had talked about him moving in to my home before and I was all for it, now I am not so sure. I don't consider myself a "kid" person. I don't stop to stare at babies and the children next door annoy me to no end. They do what I call scream play. They are outside literally screaming, one time I even ran outside because I was 100% sure one of them was being slaughtered. Turns out he was pretending to be an airplane, What kind of airplane screams like a wounded ape?

My issue isn't so much with the older boy, he is very laid back, somewhat quiet and isn't fussy about much at all. The 8 year old girl on the other hand annoys me to the max. She whines, like a baby. Honestly isn't she too old? I have no idea but I can't stand it. She is very rude and is constantly interrupting everyone and anyone. She asks for money all the time and cannot entertain herself she needs constant interaction 24/7. My boyfriend does tell her that it is rude to do all of these things but that is about the most that I have seen for punishment? I get so frustrated when he says "You can't talk like that" and then she does it again and so on.

We went on a walk on day and everything was going well until she decided she wanted to hold hands with her father and I. She kept bullying herself into the middle of us and being quite annoying, she did this no less than 20 times and then when she was bored with that she started biting her brother because he would not hold her hand.

I am also worried about having them over to my house. I have seen their mothers house and it is obvious that no one picks up after themselves. There was literally a pathway to walk through and on either side was a wall of clothing, toys, shoes, backpacks, blankets..you name it. As I said before I have a 9 month old Mastiff and he is still in the puppy stage of wanting everything in his mouth and his mouth is big enough where he can and WILL swallow most anything he can. These dogs are my children and if something were to happen to one of them I would be devastated.

The girl is of course afraid of my dogs and screeches when one of them comes near her. They are well behaved and the malamute is older and really has no interest in either one but she still screams. Then I heard the sob story about when she was 1 she was nipped by a Pomeranian ..I was like you have to be joking, she was 1. I honestly think it is for attention and I refused to pen up my dog for the sake of her spotlight. My boyfriend feels that I should pen them up until she gets use to them. I feel she should be, since it is her with the issue and my dogs are harmless.

I suppose I am just confused about what is my introvert personality, if I will be able to muster up enough patience for this little girl. What can I do? I love my boyfriend very much but this is and I know is a package deal.

FeuilleMorte's picture

I say no cohabitation yet, you all need time to get used to each other. Then you'll have a better idea whether this is a situation you really want to pursue. Good luck! (And I love malamutes.)

Poodle's picture

Oh Malamutes are such lovable gentle giants! I adore them. Get yours to have a howling match with the wounded ape and he will drown him out. I agree with FM and particularly, I think the chances of relationship success are somewhat reduced when one partner moves into another's property. Better to live separately until the point that both are sure it is worth it, then move into a whole new home together. YOu then do not have the sense of being intruded on in your own home that is particularly damaging to the introvert self-contained personality.

friendorfoe's picture

I would not pen them up. It is YOUR house. If he wants to move in, his daughter needs to get used to your dogs because you obviously do not pen them up on a daily basis. And I agree about your thoughts on the dogs getting things they aren't supposed to have. It's going to be harder to keep things in their place because kids never put things away. I swear my SD leaves a trail behind her and i'm constantly telling her to pot things back.

my.kids.mom's picture

Do NOT move in together! You would be stuck in a nightmare, and lose your bf as well when it finally falls apart. But you need to communicate how you feel to him. I love my kids, but force myself to tolerate other people's kids. It didn't take me long to realize cohabitating with my bf and his part time kids would NEVER work. My plan is to wait until all our kids are old enough to move out. I've been a SM before and it SUCKS. I am introverted as well and completely understand the needing "me time" issue. So far you have done well to wait it out as far as meeting them. If things are going well with just dating, keep on doing that. Unless bf has a problem with it...then you have a dilemma.

Kate2007's picture

You're 25? When I was 25 there was not way I'd would have gotten involved with something that had kids with someone else (and sometimes wonder if I was smarter back then). I say enjoy you're alone time and don't waste your twenties with the unnecessary drama of a step family. Travel, study, party and have fun.