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Me, get custody of SS5 should something happen to FDH? WTH?

Auberry2's picture

Okay. I am still trying to digest this, but it was a conversation that was actually held between FDH and I. We were having a "Should we have an 'ours' baby or not" conversation. I am very hesitant because of FDH's parenting methods and mine are so different. His child from a previous relationship is bad enough, I can't imagine what it would be like to have him allowing a child that I birthed to act like no one loves the child enough to teach the child whats right.

But, that isn't the biggest issue. Above and beyond my doubts on our ability to parent a biological child together is this, while we were talking, FDH actually said that one of the reasons he wants a baby with me is because he believes that (in the event, may God forbid, that he were to die before SS5 turns 18) if SS5 had a biological sibling living with me that I would have a chance to get at least EOWE visitation with SS5, or maybe even be able to win full custody of SS5 and that all the geographical restrictions that BM is subject to would remain in place so that she couldn't take SS5 and move back to California. As it stands right now, SS5 would go back to his mom and she can move anywhere she wants and never has to let FDH's family see SS5 again.

He said that and it felt like getting sucked down a drain. He wants me to fight for custody of this child if something happens to him? I love my FDH, and every day we are making progress with SS5, with my bio-son, with our relationship, but the thought of me being even just the possessory-gardian of SS5 is the stuff of bad dreams. I mean, my first thought is that if, God forbid, something were to ever happen to FDH I would immediately move me and any bio-children I have closer to my family and let BM have her offspring. Maybe that is because I am fairly new to this stepmom stuff and it is all so overwhelming right now, but I have never ever heard anyone say it gets easier as they get older, even when talking about bio-children, LOL.

After that I was like, you know, just the two kids we have is MORE than enough, we don't need to have our own in the economy...

Auberry2's picture

I was wondering what legal difference it would make, to me it sounded like FDH grasping at straws because he hates BM so much and doesn't want SS5 to ever go back to her, but I don't actually know anything about the laws, so I didn't know what to think or say

Orange County Ca's picture

No way a judge is going to give a step-child to a step-mother when a bio-mother is around. Even a drunk bio wins that hands down. And don't forget grandparents (all 4 of them) and various uncles and aunts that might oppose your attempt.

You're a single childless woman. You don't need this crap. Read some of the Threads here - just the original you don't have time to read the answers.

Find a guy without children - there must be a billion of them in the world and I just read that 60% of men and women are living alone in the U.S.. Most of them are willing just haven't found the right spouse.

I know its a lot of hard work going through the dating process again but compared to taking care of a step-child its ....well childs play.

smdh's picture

Everyone got it right. You'd have no rights, regardless of your DH's wishes. My parents had to fight HARD for visitation of my niece (my brother died when she was a toddler)even though they were her primary caregivers since birth.

I'm with you, though, I'd bail ASAP and let McCrazy have her spawn.

Auberry2's picture

Is is sick that the thought of having no rights is comforting? LOL. Though, one of my big fears is that I would have to take Ms. Lazy McCrazy Pants to court to get her to come get SS, LOL.

Shaman29's picture

The BM would get custody of her child. A step-parent has no legal standing in custody cases of their skids, in the event their spouse passes away. Custody of the skid(s) would automatically revert to the surviving parent. Not to the step-parent. There would be no visitation, unless you fought for it.

hismineandours's picture

Yes you would not get custody of the child. My biggest fear is that something would happen to dh (well that is a fear in and of itself) but while I'm trying to deal with all that, I deliver ss14 to bm's doorstep and she refuses to take his ass. His problem would be that no one would petition the court for custody of him.