You are here

***LYING***

OptimisticMe's picture

Here is the link to my last post: http://www.steptalk.org/node/57671 Obviously, I feel the need to vent A LOT these days.

We got a puppy for Christmas (SD begged for one). SD is responsible for walking him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Her dad and I do all the other care for him as he is a family dog. Her dad and I have had to remind her constantly when it is her turn to take him outside and I have been skeptical if she actually is.

This morning, we had fresh snow on the ground. When I went to start my car, the house door was still locked (SD always unlocks it in the morning), the snow was untouched with no footprints and the dog was dry. I asked SD if she took the puppy out and she said "yes". I asked if she was lying to me and she said "no". I told her we had fresh snow and it is obvious she didn't walk the dog and she said "yes I did".

So now I need to think of yet another punishment! Lying is one thing that REALLY aggravates me...the lie is worse than her not doing what she was supposed to!

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

I think what bothers me more that they continue to lie after they have been caught more then doing it in the first place although that drives me nuts as well. SS8 is notorious for this. He knows he is caught red handed yet he continues to lie, then he will admit it and just as quick as he did that he will back peddle and lie again! Then of course he drops to the floor kicking and screaming, legs flailing and fists pounding on the ground like a 2 year old in a candy store. Sigh..... He was never taught to be this way so I don't get it.

OptimisticMe's picture

My husband and I and our little two wanted the dog, too. I want them to grow up with a dog. I was just pointing out that she also wanted it...it isn't like we are asking her to take care of an animal she didn't want.

As a kid, I usually had 4 dogs, 5 horses, lots of cats and a couple goats to care for. I did it every day twice a day. Kids just aren't like they were when I was growing up anymore. But I lived on a farm and was well accustomed to hard work...

cant win for losin's picture

Gawd i cannot stand lying!!!! Especially bold face lies! I usually have pretty creative punishments bbut i have no idea what to do about a liar.
You should google it. Lies, people who lie, why we lie, what to do with a liar, etc...

youbetheparent's picture

OK... first let me start with I am NOT a holly roller, but we do have a Christian home. Second, this punishment was thought of more as how can I find something SD will absolutely detest doing, and maybe teach her a thing or two in the process... so I had her copy and memorize bible versus.

Yes, I found the most fanatic hell fire and brimstone "thou shalt not lie" etc. versus I could... Yes, she was scared S***less by the time she was done... like 2 hours later...it was much to my amusement. HEHEHE.

OptimisticMe's picture

LOL!! We are Christian, too and I NEVER would have thought of this! Priceless! I am going to start googling Bible verses now Smile

my.kids.mom's picture

I don't agree at all that a 12 yr old can't take care of a pet! OMG my kids have been doing it since 5/6 years old! It's about how children are raised. Kids with issues...not so good with animals. I had a lying POS SD who learned everything she knew about lying from her dad. One time I noticed the dog treats were going REALLY fast. So I asked her how many she was giving them. 1-3 at most. So one day we were in a rush to get out of the house and I had to go downstairs and check on the dogs. There they were, with a big pile of treats in their crates, more than the daily food they would eat!!! She figured they would eat them before anyone saw them. Uggghhhh! WHHHHYYYYYY???!!!!! After living with the lying for so many years, I couldn't take it anymore. Of course, exh still lies, but he's hardly around much. Lying is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Funny thing is, I remember lying as a child and what broke me of it. My mom NEVER let me get away with lying. She would bust me EVERY time and drill holes all through my lies until I confessed. Eventually I realized the stress of lying was not worth it and I stopped. Like someone else suggested, I would have taken your SD to the door and made her show me where the dog went potty. Handle it that way EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. It will pay off eventually!

hbell0428's picture

I agree w/ the taking care of a pet thing. We got a Lab last Christmas and I sat the kids down.....my 3 bios and SD and they ALL promised to help me......The only one that does is my BD - the dog won't even go near SD - all she does it yell at it and wont even look at her (don't know how you can't). I will ask her if she took her out......sd will look right at me and say yes......I can tell she hasn't!! I swear she is so lazy!!

smileygirl's picture

This drives me insane. My POS SS lies almost as much as he breath and it comes just as naturally to him. I like the bible verse thing. I'm looking for a good one now. Like my.kids.mom said, I have tried poking holes in his lie...heck, even showing him the photos he's taken of himself doing the things but nothing has worked. I know as a kid it was Church 3 times a week min. that had me far to afraid to lie...and if I did, I admitted it in moments with great shame and regret. I'm still a terrible liar and my parents think it's hysterical.

While I doubt Church will work for my little liar...who was even suspended from school this week...not for what he had done (although, I was appalled by it) but for continually lying about it. However, I think if I make him write a bible verse repeatly when he's dishonest...either it will sink in or he's just get too darn tired of doing it to think it's worth lying all the time. That's what I plan to try anyway.

OptimisticMe's picture

***UPDATE***

I googled some Bible verses on Lying and had SD re-write them in the wording she found in her Bible. Then we talked about what they mean. She actually had a good attitude and we had a nice discussion, it gave me some hope for the future. I also printed out the ten commandments and wrote down exactly what each one means. Then I made her a spreadsheet so every day for a month she can check mark which ten commandments she obeyed each day. This isn't something I will monitor, just something for her to do for her own information. I might remind her but I don't plan on looking at it.

PS...she tells me she will no longer use God's name in vain because a teacher asked her not to...WTH!? I have yelled at her for that for YEARS...a teacher says not to one time and she will now stop???? I asked her why she will stop now and she says a teacher can get her in trouble if she won't...I guess she doesn't get in trouble at home??? Maybe I should make her punishments more severe if she thinks she doesn't get in trouble at home lol.

PeanutandSons's picture

My SD has serious lying issues as well. I did a lot of research into it and even asked her therapist about it. He said that if you know your kid is going to lie, that you aren't supposed to ask the question that you knows she going to lie about. For example, with the dog issue..... Don't ask her if she did it, you know she didn't. Just tell her what her consiquences are for not doing her job correctly. By giving her the "opportunity" to lie, and then trying to poke holes in her lie to prove to her you know that she lied, you are just teaching her to become a better liar. instead of taking away the intended lesson of "i shouldn't have lied and I got caught".... She just thinks "had I lied better is have gotten away with it", and she just thinks up a better lie next time.

And when they do lie to you..... Still don't poke holes in it (no matter how obvious or satisfying it is), just say, you are lying to me right now, here is xxxx consiquencr for what you did/ didn't do, AND here is your consiquence for lying to me. The seperate and distinct consiquence for the action and for the lie is key, according to everything g I've read.

If only I could get my Dh on board with this plan, then I think wed be making some progress with our little liar.

PeanutandSons's picture

My SD went through a phase where she was lying about brushing her teeth, and low and behold at her next dentist appt, 4 cavities. So the denstist finally presses her enough to get her to admitted that she had been lying about brushing her teeth to us. So I started checking her tooth brush, if it was dry I told her that I knew she was lying cause her tooth brush wasn't even wet.... Then it was well maybe it dried. Then she just started wetting her tooth brush to make her lie better....I told her I still knew she was lying cause she couldn't have brushed her teeth that fast..... Then she just started standing in there, wetting her tooth brush , and then coming and lying saying she was done...... This escalated and escalated until I literally had to sit in the bathroom with her twice a day a watch her brush her teeth, for about six months till I think I got through to her. . All I was doing was teaching her to become a better liar. She even went so far as to smear toothpaste in the sink to make it look like she had forgotten to rinse the sink after she spit (luckily she wasn't quick enough to realize that used toothpaste is white and foamy and unused toothpaste is blue and a gel still).

PeanutandSons's picture

One of her moves was to put a dot of toothpaste under her tongue so her breathe smelled minty, lol.

That's just one example of her lies, just illustrate how "hole poking" just leads them to come up with better lies. Her other more eqrigious lies just would have taken too long to set up the back story (typing on my phone)