Long distance...feeling selfish?
Hey all! This is really such a hard decision and could use everyone's advice and comments. So I live in San Diego and my boyfriend and Stepdaughter live in Temecula (1hr away). We had this plan of him and I moving in together in San Diego because he works there as well. Ideally, we would have her full custody vs. 50/50 because he has the financial means to support her and we would put her in the #2 best school system (PUSD) in San Diego and eventually a private school. BM has no job and lives in her bf's house with his money and wants to put her in a not so great school district in Lake Elsinore because its so close to her. For me this is a no brainer?! Her plan is for us to become weekend parents or if we keep the 50/50 I would make the drive 2-3 times a week to drop her off to school having it be a total of a 3 hr commute to get to work on time at 9am and tons of miles on my car. My bf works at 6am. Last night I suggested that an agreement like this with a stubborn BM should be decided by the courts and not rely on her to do her part . His concern is that what if he loses and the court decides that he cannot take her south of Temecula (because thats where she was born). He said if his amount of time with her is jeoperdardized then "you are going to suck it up and move up here with us so we can be a family." So now it seems like hed rather play it safe and stay in Temecula, but I really dont like the city nor the commute. So...heres where Im being selfish. I want to be a family and marry him, but I never wanted to move up there. My entire life is in San Diego and I love the city. I know that in life you make sacrifices for your family, but to what extent and not to make his BM happy? I know hes doing this to not lose his daughter, but kind of seems like Im the one making all this sacrifices?! Also, I feel like I need more security like before I give up everything I should be married and not renting? Maybe this is all just happening so soon and I would need a lot of time to adjust, but what if I do all that and Im not happy? He says that being with him and his daughter should be the only thing that matter to make me happy. I agree but...idk