Letting Go of the Past
I am stuck on past betrayal and I can't move on. It's making me look ugly & be bitter.
To make a long story short, I thought I was a long term girlfriend. Turns out I'm a mistress. I've been lied to so much by my SO I don't know what's the truth. The BM became a 40 year old stripper and ran off with a guy. I stepped in to help him with the children. But I didn't know they were together, the kids are spilling the beans. Now they're stuck with a lady as their mom who is very close with their dad (12yrs). I can't turn my back on children in need but I hate my SO so much now. Here's a list of the things that have happened in the last 6months.
1. New Years spent outside on a stakeout to confront BM who had abandoned the kids. (Later to realize she had probably left Him & that's why we were there) Kids were crying about Mom being gone & he hoped to catch her drug use etc.
2. BM supposedly starts stripping at 40yrs old.
3. SO admits to owning a second home out of state & asks me to moves with him. Proposes. I accept. Next day I break into his computer and find 1000's of images of him with "ex" or other women. Some pictures had been sent to me of him at an event. But now I get to see the other pictures of the event where he's with her.
4. My dumb butt moves out of state with him anyways.
5. Turns out his house isn't in his name. She proceeds to steal 100% of his money and ruins his credit. Sells house etcetera. She leaves children & they move with us. She changes her number. We get asked to move out of second house by landlord.
6. I rent an apartment in my name for us to live in.
7. Children have to get used to being broke. Changes in lifestyle. They don't adapt easily. SO job doesn't work out as easily as planned. Plus all his money stolen. I'm forced to help support kids.
8. I get pregnant and have an abortion.
9. I'm pregnant I again, want but can't afford an abortion.
10. Find evidence online that she was a stripper the whole time he told me his BM had a corporate job. He told me she recently started this & turned to drugs & that's why she left the kids. I find a picture on instagram of her & him at a club with all her stripper friends. I think he got her into the industry & knew the whole time. Meanwhile he turned me from a stripper to a corporate lady(wtf?).
11. I pack my stuff & haul a** to my moms & Texas. He & the kids followed me & begged me back.
12. Like a dummy I'm back. I feel bad for the kids. I know he needs financial help. They live in an apartment in my name. Have a car in my name. I don't want to ruin my credit. I don't want him & the kids to lose everything.
Anyways, I'm so bitter. I have hatred for him. I won't turn to alcohol or pills to cope. Can I forgive the betrayal and stay for the kids. I actually like them. They're very respectful to me & we have fun. But now I hate my SO.