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Letting Go of the Past

LaJefe's picture

I am stuck on past betrayal and I can't move on. It's making me look ugly & be bitter.

To make a long story short, I thought I was a long term girlfriend. Turns out I'm a mistress. I've been lied to so much by my SO I don't know what's the truth. The BM became a 40 year old stripper and ran off with a guy. I stepped in to help him with the children. But I didn't know they were together, the kids are spilling the beans. Now they're stuck with a lady as their mom who is very close with their dad (12yrs). I can't turn my back on children in need but I hate my SO so much now. Here's a list of the things that have happened in the last 6months.

1. New Years spent outside on a stakeout to confront BM who had abandoned the kids. (Later to realize she had probably left Him & that's why we were there) Kids were crying about Mom being gone & he hoped to catch her drug use etc.
2. BM supposedly starts stripping at 40yrs old.
3. SO admits to owning a second home out of state & asks me to moves with him. Proposes. I accept. Next day I break into his computer and find 1000's of images of him with "ex" or other women. Some pictures had been sent to me of him at an event. But now I get to see the other pictures of the event where he's with her.
4. My dumb butt moves out of state with him anyways.
5. Turns out his house isn't in his name. She proceeds to steal 100% of his money and ruins his credit. Sells house etcetera. She leaves children & they move with us. She changes her number. We get asked to move out of second house by landlord.
6. I rent an apartment in my name for us to live in.
7. Children have to get used to being broke. Changes in lifestyle. They don't adapt easily. SO job doesn't work out as easily as planned. Plus all his money stolen. I'm forced to help support kids.
8. I get pregnant and have an abortion.
9. I'm pregnant I again, want but can't afford an abortion.
10. Find evidence online that she was a stripper the whole time he told me his BM had a corporate job. He told me she recently started this & turned to drugs & that's why she left the kids. I find a picture on instagram of her & him at a club with all her stripper friends. I think he got her into the industry & knew the whole time. Meanwhile he turned me from a stripper to a corporate lady(wtf?).
11. I pack my stuff & haul a** to my moms & Texas. He & the kids followed me & begged me back.
12. Like a dummy I'm back. I feel bad for the kids. I know he needs financial help. They live in an apartment in my name. Have a car in my name. I don't want to ruin my credit. I don't want him & the kids to lose everything.

Anyways, I'm so bitter. I have hatred for him. I won't turn to alcohol or pills to cope. Can I forgive the betrayal and stay for the kids. I actually like them. They're very respectful to me & we have fun. But now I hate my SO.

LaJefe's picture

At first it was awkward with the kids. They would say mom & dads room or talk about places they had all been. But it started to be obvious it wasn't just co-parenting. That their mom & dad were in a relationship in front of them. But they must be confused over how I've been in their dads life for 12 years. But nobody talks about it. I don't say anything because they're kids and I don't want to hurt them. But they're seeing I hate their father. Especially when I find evidence of them being together. They don't have a mom now. She abandoned them. I should leave out of principal that my SO is a pos. But I have a chance to raise these great kids.

My mom says I'm being used. That he's just with me because the moms not here. That she could come back and I'd be kicked to the curb. That he may cheat on cam me while I sit at home raising his kids.

LaJefe's picture

I was a teen domestic violence victim. Then raped. I stripped after that to feel power over men by taking their money. I got with this guy and because he has some money hung around. I didn't want marriage or kids. I'm so turned off to men I can't imagine dating again.

Indigo's picture

^^True. All true.^^

Get out. Your Mom is likely correct. From what you write, I would not want my best friend, my daughter, my sister in this mess. You are worth more and deserve the time/opportunity to get your head on straight. To learn to love yourself, and someone else ... kids may or may not factor in the future. It's okay. Think about who you have surrounding you now ... are they helping you to become a better person ?

Ditch this movie and create a new one.

Evil stepmonster's picture

You're definately being used. It sounds like he purposely got you super attached to those kids so you would stay around and take of all of them including him so he can go out and party. I respect the fact that you care for those kids but the fact is they are not your kids. One day you might look back and realize you stayed to raise children that aren't yours and begin to resent those kids. You should get away from all of them, start over fresh, get everything out of your name and out of his hands.