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Left the mother of my child because I cant stand her kids am i doing the right thing ?

TYoung's picture

Let me start by saying im not leaving my Daughter. I will always be in her life constantly not just when I feel like it .
I just ended a three year relationship that has really only lasted that long for the fact of having a kid with her .
From the start she had two kids Boy(3) girl (4) now 5 and 7 . I wasn't around the kids at first but once she got pregos I decided that we move in together . The kids at 3 and 5 were raised by just their mom and grandmother with the fathers never in the picture nor did she ever receive child support from either .The kids Never knew the word "no" before i showed up and weren't even wiping their butt or trying to make and attempt to since it was easier to have mom do it . After moving in and living with kids for a year many thing of mine were broken or lost since they couldn't understand not touching others belongings or not trying to open a locked door, since their mother let them do as they please . Then I started to take the role of disciplinary cause I was tired of replacing things and the lack of respect for me and my stuff . Now I know kids will be kids I get that but fast forward two more yrs to now after 2 yrs of working through many different issues. At the last 4 weeks of this school yr (the 5 yr olds last day care yr ). He started bursting out at the teachers and by bursting out I mean when told to do something he didn't feel like doing he would ;spit, kick and throw things (toys, Paint , kiddie play-slides ,ect.) at/on the teacher for telling him to clean up or even trying to call his mom or myself to tell us he was hitting her . We took him to a doctor to see if he had any kid of mental issues since Bipolar runs on his dads side . The doc said he didn't and that he is fully aware of his actions . We tried grounding from toys,tv, snacks, and spanking . That ended with the mom being mad at me and a 5 yr old screaming in my face telling me (a 6'200lb male) he stronger than me while he kicked and pinched me because I spanked him .He also bosses his mother around as in ( wheres my food . hurry up with _ . im doing this or im wearing that . ect.) Im getting scolded from his mom cause im always on his butt and never have many encouraging things to say to him cause I was always look at the bad things he was doing . Now for the & yr old shes a 15 yr old traped in a 7yr old . I never would have thought that a 7 yr old would scream ( i hate you / myself , i should just die , nobody loves me ) because she didnt get the snack she wanted or cause she couldnt do what she wanted . rolls eyes when told to clean her room or to do something . and also bosses mom around . In the end I was the bad guy for being hard on them and I grew to not like them and not talk to them and they could tell i didnt like them and see the way i am with my 2 yr old that says please and thank you . I know I could have just never assumed the role .But did I make the right choice in ending it with her because of her kids ?Now just making it about me and my daughter . Cause I was unhappy and hated coming home from work but cause I love her but I know the kids are a package deal so I stayed .

grace8205's picture

Are you going for full custody of your daughter? You and her mother separating will have an impact on her however I think it will be even worse if you leave her to be raised in that environment around her unruly half siblings.

I understand why you left, I don't blame you but it may be hard on you daughter.

Amcc13's picture

Get documentation of all the incidents in school and at home with this kids and apply for full custody of your daughter
Get her out of that awful situation - she is in danger from this violent brat and his spineless mother

Rags's picture

Nope, you aren't wrong. I am surprised you stayed as long as you did. You do realize that the problem is the woman you spawned with and not the kids right?

Now, what are you going to do to rescue your daughter from this nighmare? For sure I would go for full custody and do whatever is possible to limit visitation with her mother to supervised with a mandate that the hell spawned two older half sibs are not allowed interface with your daughter without supervision more discerning than the mother and grandmother they share.

I commend you for trying to bring some sanity and standards to how your STBX Skids are raised but without participation from their mother your efforts were doomed to failure from the get go.

Good luck. I hope you can rescue your daughter from your poor choice of spawning partners. I also hope that you have learned to be a bit more discerning regarding the women you risk impregnating.

SugarSpice's picture

"Good luck. I hope you can rescue your daughter from your poor choice of spawning partners. I also hope that you have learned to be a bit more discerning regarding the women you risk impregnating."

i also recommend trying to get custody of your daughter but do not stay in a relationship for your child at the expense of yourself and your own sanity.

its good you are committed to stay in your daughters life.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Firstly, take your daughter and run.

Secondly, and I'm being nosy, how is it "she got pregos"? Did she tell you she was using birth control so you used none? The reason I ask this is because I have seen this type of scenario MANY times. Single mother lies about birth control to get pregnant and snag herself a husband and daddy for her kid(s). Bottom line: NEVER rely on the woman. Take birth control into your own hands and use condoms.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

LadyFace, how about 5 kids by 4 men? BioHo wanted #6 with Mr. Pinhead (gotta keep that CS rolling in), but God intervened and she's now sterile.

jumanji's picture

>but if you married her quick at the courthouse, you would stand a much better chance of custody.

Not going to do a damned bit of good. Unless he has had paternity ruled on by a judge? He's legally a stranger to the child.

still learning's picture

A poster on this site (can't remember who it is) gave her sons great advice, "Don't stick it in crazy!"

You may do well to heed that advice in the future.