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Last name....

Step mel's picture

Ive been married for 8 years, together for 10 yrs. My step son is 12 and we have custody, but BM is still involved. She still signs all paperwork for son (school, dr., etc...) Her name, my husband name then the common last name (Jane and John Smith). I think this is very disrespectful to me, my husband and our marriage. BD doesnt want to address it in order to"keep the peace"with her. It makes me so mad! I don't know how to handle......

c-mom's picture

Totally agree with these two. And why would you have BD address it? Nobody should address the matter but DH and he SHOULD NOT be okay with this.

xtina's picture

That pisses me off! I wish all BMs would change their last name so they don't have the same last name as the ex husband and his new wife!

StickAFork's picture

I think she means like Jane (BM) Collins (married name) Smith (common last name.)

OP, could you please clarify?

StickAFork's picture

Gotcha. I was confused reading that.

I think it's rude, but there's not a damn thing op or her dh can do about it.
Bm disrespecting the marriage of her ex? I've never heard of such a thing ;P

c-mom's picture

Well, they actually could do something about it in this case seeing as how they have custody. They could quit allowing her to sign the papers and have the papers sent to them couldn't they?

dledden's picture

Once i went to a drs. appt with my now hubby, and apparently at some point in the skids life, his egg donor mother had her name in his file as "Shannon XXXXX" (my husbands last name). He never married that waste of oxygen herion addict. Anyway, they said Hello Shannon XXXX....I said oh helllll noooo hold on just a second........FIRST there was never ever a Shannon XXXX, there's a Shannon VVVVV who gave this kid up for HERION a long time ago, so please remove her name from ANY AND ALL files in this childs name because if i come to this hospital again and get called the wrong fucking name when she hasn't raised this kid for one fucking minute of her life, i'll be writing to the board....LOLOLOL....If she wants her name in his medical files, start paying me some of her FREE WELFARE CHECK she gets every month!!!!

AngeLily's picture

So she signs as BM and dh Smith? Or BM Smith? If she is writing it as BM and dh Smith it would indicate" we together ". And that is crap. That was over the second the ink dried on the divorce papers.

Step mel's picture

Yes, she writes it like they are together! Ughhhh.. Just wish she would move on and find someone else! She has had 4 boyfriends in the past 10 years and cant keep one around!

c-mom's picture

shoot! four in ten years? you would love my skids bm. she has had somewhere between 15-20 in almost two years.

Shaman29's picture

Uberskank has remarried so many times that this isn't an issue for me. But what cracks me up is the fact she went back to her maiden name. It's a name that is spelled one way but sounds REALLY bad when spoken. I can help but think it sounds like her stripper stage name or a porn star name!

Step mel's picture

If she is writing a note or filling out a form then she writes her name and his name together.

sunbeam0901's picture

BM kept DH's last name after they divorced. It pisses me off. She is NOT Mrs. XXXXX any longer, therefore has NO right to his name, IMO. Makes my blood boil thinking about it.

oncechoosetosmile's picture


oncechoosetosmile's picture

That is not the point here- it is that she uses his full name to sign which she shouldn't .

Raven's picture

My BM did the same. If I got divorced one of the first things I would do is change back to my maiden name, it really irks me.

WTHDISUF's picture

Dang. She's still in denial or something?? She's not together with him and there's no need for her to sign his name to anything. All she has to do is sign her name and he'd sign his as needed.
On next document, maybe DH can casually mention it and ask her why she is signing his name...

Kilgore SMom's picture

I have been married three times and only change my name once. The only way I will ever change my name again is if DH and I decide that I will adopted ss. I don't see that happening. Even though its been talked about.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

I am totally with you, I wouldn't bother to change my last name because of the separation, nobody has a problem with it.But in this case that BM was signing for the ex which is weird and wrong!

oncechoosetosmile's picture

She should not sign with his full name.Signing with her own name is ok, even though they share the same last name.
Once Exhb and I wanted to sign a letter for one of the teachers together although being separated , so we discussed that beforehands.
I would never sign anything with my exhb name or vice versa unless we would have discussed that before and agreed both to it.
Weird lady!!!!

Step mel's picture

Thanks for all the reinforcement! Shes not signing just his name, but her name and his name this,


John and Jane Smith

It's very confusing to people because everyone that we normally deal with knows me since I take care of most everything, but for those few times that she signs something or fills out a form she words it that way. You can't tell me that she doesnt know better.... I wish she could find something else to occupy herself with other then how to "get to me". I don't wasn't to say anything because I don't want her to think that she has on the other hand I don't want her to think it's ok to do it.......ughhhh!

Step mel's picture

We do have a similar arrangement, but still happens! Thank you for saying that....thats exactly what my husband said, but I guess I'm so disappointed that we are still having to deal with sillyness!! "eyeroll" It does seem to make her a bit pathetic, and I don't want to stoop to that really is quite sad that she feels the need to act like that.

guiltystepmom's picture

In quebec, woman takes her husbands name since 1980! Too many divorces and it was costing the gov. millions!

yooray for that!

Jsmom's picture

She sounds really petty. I would let it go. The teachers know the situation so she looks pathetic.

With BM still using DH's last name when it is convenient for her, I refused to change my name....I like having the same name as my son. Also, being widowed, I feel like it is a respect thing for my late husband as well. I use my maiden professionally and only hyphenate my son's last name for anything at school or scouts.

Situations like this are exactly why I never wanted to take anyone's name.

She sounds clueless and in deep denial. Let it go and laugh about it....

emotionaly beat up's picture

When I divorced I waited a few years to change back to my maiden name, I wanted to do it the day of the divorce but I had three young kids who would've then had a different surname to mine and that wasn't fair to them. So I waited. I was legally XXX, so I had a 'right' to use that name if I wanted to. I wish the problems people on this site had were so insignificant as yours. Does it really matter if she ends the letter by saying John and Jane Smith, and then signs it Jane Smith, just ignore it. She probably only does it to tick you off and you are letting her win. She has his surname legally just as you do, no one can force either of you to change it. His mother and siblings have that name to, it's just a name. You are putting too much importance on it.

Step mel's picture

I agree.....but this isn't our only issue....just something that happened last night and wanted to talk to other women in a similar situation.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

This IS a venting site and I can understand why it would bother you. I would be upset too.

I am sure she is doing it on purpose but imo the best thing YOU can do is ignore it. In the future maybe your DH can ask her to please not sign his name to any documents. If it needs both parents signature that he would be happy to sign his own name to just send the document to him.

When DH and BM got married BM still continued to use her maiden name but as soon as they got divorced she started using DH's name. ????? Even DH doesn't get it.

emotionaly beat up's picture

She is NOT signing his name. And this is not the issue. Something else is bothering her and this has just added fuel to the fire.