You are here

Last Minute Birthday?

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Mon, 07/27/2020 - 4:43pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

We do two weeks on/two weeks off in the summer for less drop off/easier planning, etc. Well, that is what the 50/50 is supposed to entail...

SD10 just left to go to her BM last Friday (she's only been there 3 days). DH casually mentions to me today, "Oh, we might be getting ____ for their birthday this Thursday and Friday. I guess BM has plans." 

So.... SD is SUPPOSED to be at her BM for her birthday, but BM is just pawning her off? Also, I wasn't expecting her for 2 more weeks... so yeah, I haven't gotten her a single thing. I can't believe DH didn't take a stap at this once. He didn't once question BM as to why she doesn't want her own daughter for her birthday. 

Anyway, DH aside... if SD shows up on Thursday, I'm not going out of my way to do anything different. Is that terrible of me? Would you do something different? We planned for her to be at her mom's. DH will have a gift ready in two weeks. I don't know how else to explain it to SD if she asks why we didn't do anything other than the obvious "You were supposed to be at your Mom's on your birthday, but she had plans." 

Advice in case SD starts a conversation? **I have almost TOTALLY disengaged. We barely ever talk. I just don't want to be caught off guard with how the little you-know-what could spin things. 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 07/27/2020 - 5:44pm

I understand where you are coming from and it's hard to understand why BM doesn't want the child on her birthday.  But I'd go ahead and get the gift, she's only 10.  Or better yet, you and DH together get something.  I'm assuming nowadays you would be shopping online so pour a glass of wine, get your DH and say, Honey, what do you think we should get for SD?

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Mon, 07/27/2020 - 6:35pm

The problem is that her DH and BM are making decisions about what happens in the OP's home without consulting or considering the OP. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 07/27/2020 - 6:28pm

It's DH's job to get his daughter a gift and plan for her birthday, not yours. You can help if you want, if he asks nicely.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 08/12/2020 - 5:29pm

About the worst we had to deal with was when the SpermClan would weasle out of visitation. More than once they refused visitation for a year of more crying poor mouth that they could not affort their half of visitation travel.

On those occassions... there really was no real impact on our family dynamic since having him was our preferred norm. Though we did learn to enjoy the 7 weeks of just us couple time when he was on SpermLand visitation (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring).