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Last day o' January, how the heck are you?? (interactive)

AgedOut's picture

Let's see, we survived Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. We survived New Years Eve and New Years day. So now that those are done and we're headed to that special day of love .....  how the heck are you


Not DH. Not DW. Not BM/BD/BF/GF/or even MIL/FIL. Not your kids, his kids, shared kids, adult kids or even grandkids or step grandkids. 

How are Y-O-U??? 


Are you good, put out, fed up, over the moon with family love? Are you bad, sad, mad, glad? Just you, only you because believe it or not, 



so ...s'up w/ you? 

AgedOut's picture

and because I should answer too. 

I'm good. Still dealing with the hip thing but I've moved on from waiting 2 months to see the ortho guy to waiting 3 months to start therapy to having one therapy session under my belt. I know, and my dr knows, and the ortho guy knows that the end of this little journey will be hip replacement. other than that, I'm just good. The drama is at an all time low, no one's expecting more from me than I can give and I'm looking forward to baseball season and sunshine and warmer temps that come w/out a side helping of rain. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

I love it when you put these posts up.

How am I? Hmmmm

I'm distracted with so many thoughts. I'm tired. I'm emotional. I'm not eating properly, but I am sleeping well, so there's that.

I am loved - I am blessed.

I need to get focused on ME. I want to do a 100 mile bike ride on May 4th, so I need to get my butt on my stationary bike. I feel some kind of momentum building inside of me and I'm going to start with going through all the boxes I recently moved back to my house - organizing my stuff, selling some stuff and donating a lot.

I have a lot to look forward to this year. Cycling events. Kayaking events. International Travel. And so many fun things to do with my friends.

I'm even going to start a new journal - fresh start.


AgedOut's picture

this really is a new fresh year for you. you were wilting under the pressure and the negativity. No you are starting to bloom again, starting to shine again. I'm so glad 

classyNJ's picture

Sending healing vibes to your hip Smile

I think Im good.  Stressed at work, but that is nothing new.  

Happy in Love and decorated for Valentines day.  It is one of my favorite holidays.

Hope everyone is happy and smiling

AgedOut's picture

stress is not good but happy sure is!! 

I've decorated too, I find decorating for the holidays gives me a mental lift. 

Winterglow's picture

Once I got past the New Year, things started to look brighter (same thing every year, nothing to worry about).

I've been working on me, thinking about triggers to my negativity and how to approach them differently. We now have an empty nest and it's time I spent time on ME and, for once, I feel no guilt whatsoever.

One thing I must do is drawup a timetable for the activities I want to do combined with the chores that have to be done. If I don't I shall just continue to fritter my time away ...  and I don't want to do that!

Another thing, I've been meditating and am surprised at how objective I have become. I don't jump in straight away when something goes wrong, I sit and look at it and consider apll possible outcomes before deciding what to do.

The only thing I have still to solve are my somewhat negative feelings about a long distance but close family member with whom I used to chat. Last year, she ignored two separate invitations to a chat session and then, on the third request (here's 4 months between each of these contacts), she virtually said she didn't have time and would see what she could do. I haven't spoken to her since late OCtober 2022 and, quite frankly, don't really care any more. She messaged me recently to tell me she's going on a long trip and might want to visit afterwards. I still have a bit of thinking to do about this.

AgedOut's picture

Look at you, putting you first!!! I'm so happy you're working on the things that you think need changing. It's hard to do that and I think worth it in the long run. 

I started a meditation type mind set too. I was becoming someone too negative and I didn't like that. Maybe we can compare notes someday. 

As for your long distance kinfolk, I understand. It's hard when they don't have time for you but expect you to make time for them. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Pretty good. Working on myself. Getting my kid's college stuff in order and thinking of planning a solo trip this summer. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Oregon i think. It's my 18-year-old's senior year and we are thinking of taking a trip. I've never been to the west coast. Any recommendations?

AgedOut's picture

Solo trip?? 


that sounds nice, where are you thinking to head to?

JRI's picture

I've learned to love January as a relief from the holiday sttess so yes, this is a good time for me.  Its a time to clean, sort, organize, reflect, I love it.

I feel good, I'm still going to Silver Sneakers.  Everything is quiet in my relationships, all is good.

Evil4's picture

I appreciate these posts because I tend to focus on my misery and these posts remind me to look at what I'm grateful for.

I'm happy. DD23 is in Calgary working on a project with kids she went to uni with. She's doing really well and I'm really happy about that.

My bully at work got exposed and I realized that I actually like the work I do and am grateful that I have my position. It's nice to realize that for the first time in 12 years.

The snowdrops and crocusses are out and I'm starting to see daffodils come up. We're having a ton of rain and I've been having great sleeps from hearing the rain pelt down onto our skylight. 

I'm working from home today and tomorrow and am enjoying all the birds landing on my bird feeder outside my window. I just had a stellar jay land and we don't often see those on Vancouver Island. It made me think of my late mom because she was from Toronto and was a die-hard Blue Jays fan. 

I'm planning my garden, but am not very good at it, so I might come here to ask for tips. I find that I use Steptalk for advice on way more than step-parenting. LOL 

I'm grateful for the Eff Off Friday/Forn posts because I'm searching through them for fish recipes. LOL We have beautiful seafood available to us on VI and I was given some lovely fresh white fish. I'm grateful for living on VI because of all the fresh seafood we can get here. Hiking is great as well. I might book a goat yoga session for next weekend, so I'm grateful for that. 

AgedOut's picture

We definitely need a happiness thread, just a thread to share the good stuff from time to time. 


I've been to Toronto. I've been to Vancouver. I've even been to Toronto Island. But not Vancouver Island. I'm putting it on my list. 


I'm so glad things mellowed out at work. It was so much stress for you and undeserved. I'm up for a gardening  thread. I've got a bit more time (NY the end nearer the Falls) before things start popping up but I'm trying to redo my gardens to make it easier for me to tend to them. 


CLove's picture

Our fave is a coconut milk with red thai curry, fish, veggies. Served over rice (or a healthy grain)

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

I've been narrowing in and honing my observation skills- it's really interesting how I give so many others a pass but I am really hard on myself. I am working on being kinder and more gentle towards ME. By doing this I am hoping to take less of the burden of what other people - DH, steps, other family members place on me and realize that there is shared responsibilty, more importantly - if someone else does something to attack me and then feign "victimhood", I am releasing myself of feeling guilty, bad, etc. And rather than do a deep dive into "how I can be better." I am learning to see that I am on the recieving end of the attacks and I am simply defending myself. By realizing that, I've learned to stop defending or trying to respond when this happens just watch and observe it. That's really hard to do but I am doing it. And little by little my strength is gathering. I still need to work on my mind- these SKIDs are running rent free in there and they really don't deserve it. I've got to release the anger and sadness and fill it with hope and abundance- I keep working on visualizing them on a raft with the current scooting them further and further from shore everytime these negative thoughts ransack my mind. Work in progress, getting better!

AgedOut's picture

Wow, those are huge changes in thinking and very hard to start. I think you're awesome and I'm glad you're thinking you are too. 

I try to get my Mr to remember that we can only hadle our stuff and we have to stop letting others drop theirs on us. It sounds like you're making some big changes and it makes me so happy to see it!!



ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Great perspective to give your DH, I may adopt this strategy ! Smile @Agedout do you have grandSkids? If so, how do you handle boundaries ?

AgedOut's picture

no grandstepskids yet. I have two sons, both married. One has a daughter aged 15 but he doesn't see her at all and the rest of us (myself, the Mr, SS/SS'sfiance, my other son and his wife) all see her often. 

My SS is marrying soon. They haven't set a date but there are no issues so when they do have babies I know w/out doubt this Grandma will see it often w/out issues. I lucked out, I like my SS and his fiance and they like us too. We even do all holidays together unless his fiance's family is due a visit. On holidays it's me, the Mr, my two plus wives, my brother, and every other holiday SS and fiance. 

My SS usually sees his mom later in the day or the day before or after the actual holiday. It's the Brady bunch w/out Alice or that annoying Jan person!


AgedOut's picture

My Mr has worked hard to learn to let things go. If he has no power over it, he's learned to imagine letting it loose. He comes from a long line of over worriers. I don't want to see him held hostage by things he cannot control. I tell him to picture himself letting his hands open and waving the noncontrollable away. 

Cover1W's picture

Heading to help my parents after my dad's hip replacement tomorrow. Sitting at airport with a glass of bubbles right now.

Waiting to see if my new IUD will help with my uterine fibroid issues. Crossing fingers, I'll know in about a week. Trying to avoid surgery if possible.

Working on losing about ten perimenopause pounds,  so hard to do! I cannot increase exercise (work out a lot already, including weights) so it's now about food and how to change/reduce an already healthy eating plan.

AgedOut's picture

You're a good egg for helping out your folks. Especially because your own plate is so full already. 

Fingers crossed for  IUD. You need relief and hopefully no surgery. 


Winterglow's picture

I had appalling fibroids a few years ago. I'll spare you the horror stories. My doc decided to give me a hefty hormonal treatment to try and shrink them back temporarily is, at the very least, slow down their development - she wasn't very hopeful. Well, the impossible happened. I don't know if they vanished or not but I haven't had the slightest sign of their existence in nearly 20 years and counting . If your IUD doesn't do the trick this may be another avenue to explore?

Merrigan's picture

Oof on the perimenopause. I'm there too. I'm still debating whether or not I'll need another five year IUD.

Have a great flight!

Merry's picture

This is so thoughtful.

I'm really good. Didn't see the skids over the holidays, and SD is still not talking to DH. And he still doesn't know why. And I don't ask.

I am settling in to retirement. I don't hate it. I am so glad to be out from under the drama of supervising 25 people. Hoping to nab a consulting gig periodically.

Working through mountains of paperwork for various things, including updating wills. The  attorney uses a 37-page intake questionnaire--it's a good organizational tool for me too so I can leave reasonable info for anybody that has to clean up after DH and/or I are gone. It will be good to have that done but it's not a fun task.

To balance the drudge work. DH and I both play piano, and our house is frequently filled with music. Makes me happy to play, makes me happy to hear him play. 

AgedOut's picture

Congratulations on your retirement. It is a big change but it sounds like you're filling it well. After my folks then the Mr's passed we updated everything and it was a mountain of paperwork but worth doing. Congrats on not having to suffer through the stepkids over the holidays. When they take their gifts but leave you with their anger and bull spit, it's a better thing to have less them, more happy!!

Merry's picture

Ah, gifts. DH did see SS and brought reasonable gifts. He did NOT see SD and there were NO gifts. He also sent NOTHING for her birthday shortly after.  He said he's tired of his kids trying to run his life. That was my holiday miracle. 

CajunMom's picture

Life, in general, is good here. Today was awesome.

I've mentioned here before...I was part of a SM group on CafeMom YEARS back. 15 years to be exact. There was a group of women who watched the site for SMs in toxic me...and brought us to a safe place to vent and seek advice. From that group, six of us have stayed close and have visited with each other over the years. We try to get together once a year. We had to miss last year. Today, I booked my flight for our April gathering!!!! So pumped to see these beautiful women God brought to my life; women who have invested in me, set me straight, been my source of comfort in StepHell, etc. These days, we have had to comfort each other on losses of spouses to death, children growing up and moving into adulthood, menopause, etc. 

I AM HAPPY!!!!!! 

Rags's picture

Excited and nervous.  I had a fly out last week and just got back from another this week.  Both interviews went well.  The one yesterday is the one I truly want.

Hopefully I get an offer from them.

Not logical, but I am nervous that they have not reache dout yet.  I got home at 11PM last night and it is a bit over 12hr later......  time is crawling, anxiety is pumping.  Not anywhere usual for me.

Good things are happening. An incredible woman in love with me, life is good, health is good, family is good, .....  no proof of life from the kid in a month, but.... that will eventually be rectified.

Now for a chap my ass moment.  The airlines (AA) has started lying as an official repeat policy.  If you are beyond bording group 4... they claim that there is no overhead baggage space and push you to check carry on bags.  Low and behold, I checked my larger carry on, boarded, and ..... more than a dozen completely empty overhead baggage sections.  I was group 6 and when I checked my bag they boarded me at group 4.  Drop your bag at the "end of the boarding ramp".

They did this on the next flight as well.   

Going forward when I fly that airlines, I will gate check my bag, go down the boarding ramp, and use the magicly appearing overhead baggage space that is officially annonced as ... full.  If in fact there is no overhead space, highly unlikely as indicated by the repeat fib about no baggage space on two different flights out of two different airports, they can take the bag and put it in the cargo space.

Why would a busine lie it's ass off to customers who can nearly immediately see the lie.


The last flight I was seated next a wonderful young mom with a very bubbly toddler, if he was even yet at toddler age.   It was a late night arrival flight.  This was  a regular thing for them.  They had their routine down, snack cups, a fan to keep him cook when he fell asleep, they used the empty seat next to mom until another passenger arrived. They shifted their routine to mom's lap.  He got a little fussy, she told him to stop it then rocked him, told him he was Okay, and that she had him.  They warmed my soul.  It is nice to see a mom who guided and comforted rather than not dealing with her child disturbing others.  I played with him a bit while mom got some cat naps in.    Lying airline aside, it was a good flight.

There may be hope for LOs and parents yet.  At least that LO and that mom.

Date night tonight.  Sashimi and green tea.  With.... my heart and soul.

Now, for the offer!!!!!

Knock on wood.

Thanks for asking. I hope everyon's Feb is ..... romantic,Valentine-ey, and a great month.

AgedOut's picture

meh, romance once a year isn't that big for us. We're those old people still holding hands where ever we go. there is a lot to be said for being happy just to be together. I lucked out I think, no I know I lucked out. I think you did too!!


I'm glad to hear there's hope for LOs even if it's just some of them. I'll be checking the next time I take a flight too. 

Rags's picture

Yep, every day is romance day. Just sharing space can be romantic.  

Hand holding, banter, etc...

Glad  you have all of those  hand holding "calouses".  My parents who will have their 62nd this year are hand holders. Always have been. They are also dancers.  Walk around a corner in their home and it is not unlikely to find them dancing arm in arm to whatever is playing on the radio, or... even when there is no music at all.

Yep, throat lumps happening thinking about my dancing parents.  Mom turned 79 in Dec, dad is 81.  Their bouncing "baby" boy will be 60 this month.  I am incredibly blessed to have grown up with my parents. They have said my whole life that the three of us grew up together and that I taught them to be parents.  They married at 17 and 19 and had me at 19 and 21.  I have clear memories of my young mom and dad .... dancing.  When I was in the low single digit ages.  Though I also have clear memory of my mother lying in my bed covered in lard, with no eyebrows after blowing herself up relighting the oven pilot light.  I was about 2.  I was sitting on the floor next to my bed holding her hand.  And... memory of being dangled off of a cliff as mom and dad and their good friend were rock climbing. Passing me up as they went up.

Dancing, scorched mom, and toss the baby off of the cliff memories.... among many, many others that include my truly wonderful parents.  Yep, I won the parent lottery.

And still doing what I can to make sure that they won the eldest son lottery.


You can't see the happy tear on my cheek under the glasses.

Hah-hmmm. Shredding another man card now.


AgedOut's picture

I'll stamp you man card so you get a free pass!


My parents were like your's in a few ways. They went dancing or went out to dinner or had other couples in. Whatever they did they did it together. I can still close my eyes and picture her all dressed up and smelling like her 'special' perfume. For all their faults, I do admire their ability to go through life together. 

And as one who turned the big 6-0 last Fall, eh. It's not so bad. Takes a lot of memories to get here. Well worth it in the long run. 


I'm putting my parents vast slide collection onto sticks for my brother and myself. I'm living down memory lane lately. Not a half bad place to visit. 

Rags's picture

Oh the slides.  No doubt that will take me a number of my retirement years to deal with.  Digitizing countless thousands of slides and pics from my parents life together, their 3 decades of making a life in the Middle East, and the slides and pics of both sets of my GPs making their lives in the ME going back to the late 1940s.  I have thought about getting the ME Studies dept at the University to come curate it, digitize it all, then donate it to the University.  Keeping digitized copies for me and my family hand my brother and his family.

I am so glad that you are enjoying reconnecting with your parents through their photographic history.

I am fortunate to still have mine wreaking havoc in their and my lives.  All in a good way.  I am fortunate that my parents are very low drama people.

PetSpoiler's picture

I'm ok I guess.  Stressed a bit about money but it will be ok.  I used to be scared of the dark.  Now every month when I get the power bill I'm scared of the lights. 

I've been nursing one of my guinea pigs back to health.  I call her Queen Twerp on here but should probably refer to her as the Stink Eye Queen for now.  Or Queen Sweet Potato.  Despite her seemingly being grumpy, she is really sweet.  She had a cyst or an abscess on her cheek and the vet is hoping it's from skin trauma and not a dental issue.  The vet had to play Dr. Pimple Popper and sent us home with pain medicine and an antibiotic.  I had to get a refill on the meds once and she showed me how to flush the abscess out.  It smelled awful.  It is hopefully healing now.  Now Princess Popcorn is acting like she doesn't feel well.  I'm hoping it's an upset stomach that will resolve on its own.  She did perk up a little after some snuggles.  These little creatures run up big vet bills.  

I'm trying to stick to an exercise habit and hoping to lose a few pounds.  I'm not overweight but can't afford to gain any either.  Also hoping to lower my cholesterol numbers.  My doctor said I may need to consider a statin in the future. I told him it would be a fight to get me on anything.  He doesn't see a lot of people my age who are not taking something.  My mother doesn't take anything either at age almost 76.  I told him I want to be at least her age before I get on any meds.  *biggrin*

I decluttered my son's room so I'm happy with that.  I'm currently being entertained by his parakeets with their various chirps and screeching.  One is singing.  He sings beautifully! 

AgedOut's picture

I'm on a statin. DO NOT START if you can help it. My dr promised I could come off... he's a big fat liar!!


Parakeets and guinea pigs, awww. if you can get them to do your chores for you I'm moving in. I'll bring my grumpy chihuahua. He's Walter from Jeff DUnham in chihuahua form. I hope the Stink Eye Queen is feeling better soon!!


As for the weight, you and me both. I lost almost 30 lbs last year but gained a bit back with this hip issue. I'm hoping to plan to get off my tush as soon as spring hits. 

Merrigan's picture

I'm working hard on a few work related genealogy projects, and I've signed up for my first roller derby tournament in the summer. My plan for this year is just not to be afraid of new things as much. Change is good. 

AgedOut's picture

roller derby?? how frikkin cool are you. my old brittle bones are super jealous!! I will need game updates. I think that sounds like so much fun! Do you have a roller derby nickname or do you need helping thinking of one?? (please say yes, please say yes) 

the Mr and I have adopted a 'first time for anything' way of life. We'll try it once. It adds something to the hum drum! 

Merrigan's picture

I've already got my derby name, (and one for my dog!) but you can throw some out for fun!

Stepmoms all could use a derby name for their badass selves!

CLove's picture

Im getting antsy right now, which means this will be short.

1. Its a rainy weekend and I played hooky Thursday and Friday and husband played hooky with me Friday. With rain comes the rainbows, and all is well this weekend so far.

2. We have a birthday party to go to, a number 1 for husbands nephew, and I "get" to make the guac whilst husband is off fishing for stripers at the river, where the river meets the ocean. His happy place. Im getting motivated to head to the gymn. Ive been working out more and enjoying it Biggrin I even did a hike last weekend, and it was quite nice.

3. Ive been eating less meat as per the drs orders and cutting out the alcohol, and Im down 2 lbs!

4. I finally put christmas away! 3 rooms and 3 christmas trees.

5. starting to organize my house beginning with my room. Took a bunch of stuff out and its in the kitchen. I love my room. I need to put love on it. Get rid of a lot too.

6. Gearing up for taxes. Husband thinks he wants to file separately, but I dont think thats the best, however Ill run the numbers and see how it goes. Then I can do some planning for this year, and defer more for my retirement nest egg.

7. Husband wants to buy us tickets for Melissa Etheridge and Jewel! He must be feeling something about the $$$ he gave Feral Forger. LOL>good.

8. Ive been reading and researching about osteroperosis and prevention. My mother has it, so shes been warning me to watch my calcium. And Ive got 3 bags of grapefruits given to me by someone who has a tree, and guess who has a lot of calcium? And guess who loves fresh grapefruit?  A primarily plant based diet will be tough because husband is quite the carnivor, but it will be worth it when I get to my goal size (what I was prior to meeting husband, actually)

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I dont want to bring anyone down but I am struggling with my mental health since xmas so definitely not doing well but hiding it behind a fake smile and being busy

I now can only sleep with sleep aid/sleeping pills and I have taken two jobs to avoid being at home or available. Nevertheless my only day off (Friday) somehow gets hijacked by my husband asking me to do his parental duties while he goes off to do his hobby with friends in a neighboring town...

I was thinking....I am helping him and his BM by keeping YSS15 on a friday night while both get to enjoy their lives....I literally cant recall a friday that I went out or dedicated time for a hobby to...I am feeling a mix of resentment, anger and resignation to the fact that they will never see me as more than a tool/means to an end

JRI's picture

I think I read that depression is hidden anger.  Hoping you're soon better.