Knowing what you know.....would you do it again?

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I'm finding myself more and more telling my single friends to steer clear of men with kids, just because is soooooo much damn harder than anyone can ever imagine.

Soooooooooo..Knowing what you know now...about your Skids, your DH or SO, the ex, all the general BS that goes into the Step Life etc.....my question is this:

If you could go back....Would you do it all again?

And my SO and situation

And my SO and situation aren't even as bad as many on here.

Id have to say no...... But with the caveat that Is only say no if I would still end up with my BIOS. As horrible as this situation is, if thats what I had to do to get my biosons, then I'd do it again a thousand times

But other than my sons, there is nothing redeeming about my situation.

I would. But I did it very

I would. But I did it very different than most on here. I met DH about 10ish years ago, and saw right away (within 6 months) that BM was a loon, DH was guilty and fed into that loon drama and SS was being raised terrible. . (I don’t know how this can be missed while dating!)

I did fall in love and we “dated” for almost 7-8 years before got married/lived together. There was NO WAY, our marriage would have lasted if we got married way back then.

So yes…I would do it, the way I did it.

this was how it was with us.

this was how it was with us. we only dated a little over a year before getting engaged but i DEMANDED that things change or i was leaving. things changed and then i agreed to marry him.

i also have no idea how people miss this while dating.

when we were getting our marriage license there was a couple there in a step situation getting their license too and the woman kept mentioning the irritating behavior of the kids and her fiance's response. the fiance was there with the kids. my dh and i just looked at each other, thinking "that won't last long..."

i think people notice it, i just don't think they really THINK about it.

yes, but i made sure dh was

yes, but i made sure dh was willing to respect me as his wife and consider my thoughts and feelings.

he's a GREAT man, a lot of baggage, but really wonderful. we have worked to be a team and we have mutual respect.

it's hard and i have wondered if i made the right decision ONCE, so far, but after i cool down and the dust settles, yes, i would do it over again.

Probably not. It's so sad

Probably not.

It's so sad for me to even say that. I think this all the time, that if I had known what I was in for I would NOT have gone there. Now, with that said, I may have also, given the opportunity to go back in time,:) just done it VERY DIFFERENTLY.

For example:

1.I would NOT have moved into THEIR house.
2.I would have waited to move in until the skids were OUT OF THE HOUSE.
(skids were 11 and 14 BAD AGE to try and blend!!!)
3.I would have EDUCATED myself on Step family life and dynamics and done things very differently. Honestly I was so clueless.
4.I would not have given up my life to be the brady bunch.
5.I would have taken good care of myself along the way.

I don't agree!!! When they

I don't agree!!! When they are younger, you have to put up w/them longer, and you still have to go through the teenage years!

I wrestled with this when

I wrestled with this when things were extremely bad with the BM; but when it all came down to it, I couldnt give up on my husband. I knew I would never find anyone like him that would treat me as wonderful as he does. He was and is worth all the crap Ive been through because he has kids.

My perspective also HAD to change in order to survive. I had to stop attaching him with HER (BM). Sometimes when things with HER would arise and cause problems for us, I would be ready to throw in the towel. They are two separate people. He cant help her disgustingly evil ways no more than I can; and because he made a mistake getting with her, doesnt mean he didnt deserve a good woman to be happy with.

It's been tough at times,and heartbreaking at times to see the children being ruined by her and our efforts seemingly in vain; but we get through it. I also know what my mission is, and I was here to help his children understand what it truly means to have a motherly love. They dont have that with BM. So with my undying love for hubby, and my want to see better for his girls, I would do it all over again without a doubt.

then again...I am only a year

then again...I am only a year in, to put it in perspective and am pregnant with our first (which i know will set BM off). But, she cant take my happiness, and I wont let her. With hubby through thick and thin, so answer stays the same lol

HELL NO!!!

HELL NO!!!

Off topic question, Auteur,

Off topic question, Auteur, how do you get "bold" letter/italics on these posts?! :?

Tough question because NOW,

Tough question because NOW, we are in a good place. The Skids are good kids that respect & love me. But the BM drama is so very draining. I'd probably say NO, except that I REALLY love my DH and the life we have created. So maybe YES, I'd just have done a few things differently in the beginning. I guess I'm undecided!!! LOL!

No way. When I got married,

No way. When I got married, I thought my FDH was fine with seeing his boys a few days a month and his daughter a week a year. Never in the world would I have thought that that little bitch was going to end up living with us full time and ruining my marriage

No, no, no!! Don't even know

No, no, no!! Don't even know how much longer I'll make it as is right now. I wish I had listened to what people around me were trying to tell me at the time. In fact, from here out, I'll just tell anybody I know dating someone with kids how GREAT of an idea it is, and how PERFECT life will be for them raising someone elses kids. Perhaps a little reverse psychology is what will work, since telling me the truth had absolutely no effect!

Wow, that's tough for me. I

Wow, that's tough for me. I love my husband dearly but I would advise any woman not to get involved with a man that has child(ren).

As much as I care about FDH

As much as I care about FDH and love him, no. I wouldn't. I didn't even have to think too long about this and that's really sad. I got it good too, compared to everyone else, but the potential for amazing I chose to give up for a shot at true love.

Haha, the unfortunate first relationship that somehow is looking to be my last. I think I studied too much on how to make a relationship work prior to getting into one that I actually made one that would have been very dysfunctional into one that's bearable. Ain't that ironic?

We talked about this and FDH knows, especially since if he could do it again, knowing what he knows now, he would never have touched BM with a ten foot pole. It saddens him but makes him appreciate that I stay.

Yes. Regardless of all the

Yes. Regardless of all the bs, my relationship is worth it. If it wasn't I would leave now. I think I was slightly naive (I was 18 years old!), you don't even think of half the issues that can arise! That being said I honestly don't think I would have gone there if he had ss full-time or if there were more kids. Or if I had gone there I don't think it would have lasted long.
If for whatever reason fdh and I split up I will try my best to avoid being a stepparent again but can't say it will never happen!