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Kind of a hoot!

Trudie's picture

Kind of annoying too....  DH's ex got divorced. Again. She didn't keep her latest married name. She didn't go back to her maiden name. She took our last name! I couldn't believe it. What kind of nonsense game is she playing?

They have been divorced about 20 years. They are cordial. (We, too, are also cordial.) I have no problem with that. However, I do have a problem that her walk and her talk are at odds. She is nice to my face and not so kind behind my back; she also publicly supports OSD's dysfunctional abuse. To be clear, I would have a problem with anyone who behaved in this manner, it's not the fact that she is the ex. Her actions speak loudly of her character, not mine. I have never seen her as a threat. DH upgraded. He knows it. I know it. She knows it. Enough said.

Yet, I'm annoyed. She's a pesky fly. Would you be annoyed?

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It's one thing to keep the name because you want to have the same last name as the kids, because it's a giant pain to change it, or if you have been known professionally by the same name for years and changing it would cause confusion and possibly throw a wrench in your career. (That's what i did and why.) But this b took the time to change it once, then change it back. To yours. Yeah, i would be annoyed. She could just have easily changed it to her birth name. Or anything else. 

Trudie's picture

I feel better that I am not unreasonably annoyed! 

Yes, I understand the career aspect. I have a married name and a professional name. However, this woman has no career. She has made a career mooching off men. She burned through her first divorce settlement and ran away. I wonder how long it will take to burn through this divorce settlement. Shaking my head...pathetic...no respect.

 

Rags's picture

I would have lost my mind if my serially adulterous XW had kept my family name even if I had polluted my gene pool with her.

TG that did not happen.

I get the annoyance. 

As for professional and personal names for married professional ladies.  I get that too. One of my BFFs is married to a doctor. They married 2wks after DW and I married.  She kept her maiden name and practices under that name.  She goes by Mrs married name in her personal life. It is interesting when they are at formal events as they are both doctors. She is an MD and he is a Ph.D.  When they are at events with their two now Kidult DD's, she goes by Mrs. Dr (MarriedLastname).  Their cute/funny family thing.  At her practice, he will occassional goe as Mr. Dr. (HerMaidenName).

DW chose to take my family name. It was never a thought for her not to.  I would have been fine if she had not, or had chosen to hyphenate her last name.  She was teased mercilessly because of her name starting in elementary all the way through HS.

 

JRI's picture

It would bother me, too, tho if it's the same as the kids' surname, I guess I understand.  One of my happiest days was when BM remarried and got a new last name. 

Trudie's picture

I can understand that being a significant day!

Winterglow's picture

Here, in France, the only "legal" name you ever have is the name you were born with. Yes, a lot of women use their husband's name in everyday life but it's not their "real"name. All official documents give your maiden name with your married name as a sort of (aside) should you choose to give it.Now, when you get divorced, if yoiu wish to continue to use your ex's name you have to officially ask him for to do so. Neat, eh?

One of my friends got divorced when her husband fell in love with another man. It was an easy divorce, they both used the same lawyer, split everything and have remained friends ever since. However, he was highly offended when the lawyer asked her if she wanted to continue to use his surname and she said "no!". 

Smile

Trudie's picture

That is really interesting! I love learning new things and had no idea that was the custom in France.

Maybe asking permission to use the surname should be a custom here too; it would avoid angst for many.

Winterglow's picture

I believe it's the same in Italy.

Another advantage is never having to redo all of your important documents just because you got married. 

Smile

Trudie's picture

Wow...interesting how I never considered it could be different somewhere else, I didn't know what I didn't know!

The dreaded documents...not a fun task.

hereiam's picture

I wonder why she wouldn't just go back to her maiden name? That is kind of weird.

I don't know that I would care enough to be annoyed but I kept my maiden name when I married DH so I guess I can't really say.

BM over here has been divorced 6 times, I'm not even sure what her last name is, probably her maiden name. I'm certain that she wouldn't go back to DH's last name. I mean, why?

Trudie's picture

Yes, weird for sure! I feel like she's waving and saying "Yoo hoo, look at me!" 

I didn't have a lot of thought one way or another when I married DH, but it was important to him so I did. The name changing process was a lot; thankfully he was the one who compiled all the information for me so I was prepared. 

6 times! Wow! She sounds really interesting...I bet there are some good stories!

Rags's picture

I get once. Maybe twice, but 6 divorces? Beyond trashy.  Likely a revenue source or, she may just be in love with the thrill of the new relationship and weddings. 

Either that or she is a black widdow. Hopefully all of her XH's escaped alive.

Shok

Harry's picture

I understand keeping the last name after divorce, but to change it.  Then to change it back to a name she has no right to use.  Even professional use two names. DR  Smith and Mrs Jones. Depending on being in a profession setting or a social setting.  I would check on this.  11111

Trudie's picture

I didn't consider the legality...interesting angle. I have to agree...she has no right to the name. It seems a little...I'm not sure what? Thirsty?

 

 

advice.only2's picture

That's so odd, is she doing it for the kids?  Still EWWW!  I mean jeeze at this point just make up a damn name.

Trudie's picture

I wouldn't think so, they are women in their 30's. I understand if they were school aged, but really no need for it at this point.

EWWW...thank you! Haha! You all are making me feel better!

Rags's picture

Start throw away account Social Media stalking her and bare her ass anonymously. Over, and over, and over again.  Apparently this is a thing.

Ask why I know this?  DW and I have been binge watching Younger on netflix.  The premise is a 40yo divorce with an 18yo DD doing a Uni year in India who has to sell her NJ marital home or lose it. Her Dentist XH ran off with his 20 something receptionist. The main character was an up and comer in the publishing industry when she got pregnant and went the SAHM/married route until her asshat DH cheated.

She applies for jobs and gets the repeated age-ist rejection by all of the millennial high fliers she has been interviewing with. SO she and her BFF repackage her as 26.  The show is about her burgeoning career and life as a "26yo" publishing assistant making great new friendships, figuring out how to have a 26yo boyfriend.

Apparently it is all about digital life and social media. So, disassemble her life one digital brick at a time and build a wall that keeps her in her place.

E.G. "Divorce #6 and back to XH #(X's) last name! With no minor children. Nice!"

 

Trudie's picture

We need to check into this, thanks for the tip!

Thumper's picture

Sounds like something our (BARF)--would do.  She taunts everyone. 

Some people just get off on things like this.

 

Trudie's picture

It would appear so. Maybe she should put her efforts into housing herself, she has mooched off family for the better part of a year!

Rags's picture

Do you remember when you weren't an asshole? Neither does anyone else.

Make baring BARF's ass your fondest hobby.  Instantly and fully in her face in public in front of whoever is present when she pulls her shit.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

ESMOD's picture

With no minor kids.. this seems a bit... odd to say the least.  

I mean..  my dad's 98 yo ex SIL never changed her last name after his brother divorced her (he ditched her after using her to raise his kids and cheated her out of money (per her)).. But, she never remaried and was married to him for idk.. 20-30 years??  so, I can see that.. her maiden name was so long in the past.. and she kept her married name that matched her children.

But to marry, then divorce and not go back to a maiden name.. but a name of a prior ex? that's a bit weird.. unless her maiden name was some weirdo name she hated.. like "shelaysonthecarpetforcash" "buttkiss" or something 

The only thing I can think of is that like my DH's EX.. she wants to keep that name because it allows her to keep up the narrative that she was divorced.."not her choice"(per her FB post)..hahaha.

Yeah.. so, you squandered all your husband's money.. he ends up in jail because you don't use the money he is sending home to pay his bills... you don't pay his insurance for his business.. buy new furniture.. yeah.. you did "nothing".. crazy toon. (this was prior to online banking etc.. he was out of the state working elsewhere.. sending checks to her to deposit and pay his business loans and obligations.. in the good ole paper days)  The bank had him put in jail for not paying his loan... he got it straight.. but had to spend a few days there before he could get out.. he was not happy about that.

Trudie's picture

There was nothing odd or offensive about her maiden name.

Your husband's ex sounds interesting...did she put a creative spin on her misdeeds?

tryingjusttrying's picture

I wouldn't like it at all if BM changed her name to DH's last name. She didn't change her name because she uses her maiden name professionally, so I don't think there is a chance of that here.

I don't get why she would want ya'll's last name. My mom-in-law and a friend both kept their ex husbands' last names even after they got married to new partners, but I think they both did that because they started using their ex's surnames professionally. Also, my friend just liked her ex's last name over her maiden name. But no matter the reason, as the current wife, I'd be skeeved.

Trudie's picture

Wow! Not sure I would like that as the new spouse, I know I could never do that to my DH. Like so many of us do, there is the option of using your professional name and still taking his last name privately.

Yes, I'm skeeved! Not going to deny it!

Merrigan's picture

I decided not to change my last name to my husbands because it's too much work, and I didn't want to have samesies names as the ex. Barf. 

Trudie's picture

I absolutely get not wanting the same name as the ex! And, yes, it is a lot of work!

Harry's picture

Getting married gives the new wife the legal right to change her name. I a divorce, in the divorce papers signed by a judge, gives the woman the right to go back to her   Maiden name.  Not any nane she chooses.  She has no legal right to use that name after she gave it up.   What a sick woman q

Trudie's picture

Oh, Harry, I think you are calling it correctly...sick, sick, sick!

The more I have thought about it...and I have thought about it plenty...the more I realize that she is going to come off looking odd at best. She may have taken his name, but DH and I are living our best life together and keeping each other warm at night. Enough said. I'm not the one who looks thirsty.... In a couple of days, once I get over the shock, she and her name will be off my radar.

Evil4's picture

I have a crazy aunt who has been married and divorced four times. Every time she gets divorced she changes her surname to the previous surname because she thinks that's how it works. You just go in reverse order of the names you've had. However, she's a toxic idiot and like many BMs talked about on this site, likes to keep herself relevant to people who do not want her. My SKs' BM has been remarried for a number of years now but if she got divorced it wouldn't surprise me at all if she changed her name back to DH's just to remind me that she was the first wife. 

Trudie's picture

Oh my! It really does take all kinds, doesn't it?

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Yuck. I'd be annoyed too. Hang in there Trudie don't let these people cloud your days. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Yes, this is exactly like BM. 

Married to her 1st husband in 2008. Took his last name. Had a baby. Got divorced. 

Married DH in 2010. Had a baby. Got divorced 2013. Kept the name. 

Had a baby with BF in 2024. Never married. STILL has our last name. 

BM only has the same last name of 1 of her 3 children. 

If I were her current BF/Baby Daddy I would be annoyed! Keeping the name of ExH?

Trudie's picture

Sadly, you can't make this nonsense up.

Rags's picture

My XW pissed the Judge off during our final divorce hearing when she got nasty when the Judge was considering her petition to return to her maiden name.

The Judge granted her petition then she in a very snarky tone with a bitch from hell smirk on her face said "Thank God!" The Judge layed into her, threatened to send her for an Amnio to determine if she was pregnant and to prove paternity if she was. She went pale as a ghost. Unbeknownst to me she was knocked up by the geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy during the divorce hearing.  He then proceeded to give his final ruling on asset distribution.  All listed property divided as agreed. All other property divided as possessed. When she moved out she had taken all of her stuff and the gifts her side had given us when we married. My parents gave us all of the furniture, appliances, and beds so those were mine.  The Judge gave me a gleem in the eye look and a slight nod of the head at that point, gaveled the hearling closed and the divroce was final. She had moved out of our recently purchased home which made it mine based on the "as possessed" element of the final ruling. She decided she wanted the house so Grandpa sugar/baby daddy ended up writing me a check for it 3 years later.  $$$

Meanwhile back at the ranch and 19 years after the divorce was final, XMIL was all over the news paper for several days for her long career as an embezzler who had ripped off her boss for $Millions. One of the articles also featured the entire IL clan by name because they were all included in a pay back settlement to the business owner who sued them  for $Millions.  XMIL was arrested by the Federal Marshals as the family walked out of the final civil court hearing where they were nailed for $Millions in compensatory and punitive damages for MILs crooked crap.

My family name was never mentioned though our wedding was mentioned in the paper due to XMIL's boss doing all of the catering for our wedding and XSIL's wedding several years after ours.  

So, XW, take back your shit name to match your shit character you serially adulterous caven crotched skank whore.  And good riddance to you and your entire shit puddle gene pool of a family.  Say high to convict XMIL for me.

Buh-bye.

Drinks

Dirol

Gotta love Karma.

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