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Just want to run away

MayCorine85's picture

So I am to the point where I honestly just want to run away when SD comes over. I already have 1yr old twins that keep up alot, but when SD comes it goes from 50% to 120% hyped. It just too much for me after dealing with kids at my job all day. It also seems like DH gets extra hype and looks at me like im just over exaggerating about all the extra. He changes, my house vibe changes.....it just so much! Does anyone else feel like this? Am I a bad person for feeling like this...just so tired. This is so much more than I ever thought

 

Rags's picture

Infant twins, a demanding DH and a Skid.

This is not a sustainable situation if you and DH cannot get on board as equity life partners.  It sounds to me that DH is missing the plot and is failing to be an equity life partner for you.

Time for a come to Jesus meeting to give him clarity.

Take care of you.

Harry's picture

Is when DH is home or he takes her.  Your not the babysitter.  Make DH take charge, of SD. He cooks and cleans after her.  SD should not be bouncing off the walls.  That DH job to keep her carm. Or SD is st BM.   That does not mean DH is spending 100% of his time with SD.  He has other kids to take care of 

1wonder woman's picture

I can't imagine the stress you gotta be under just with the twins... and the step kid.  No wonder you are feeling stressed and maybe you should run away take the twins with ya if ya must go have a day with them alone or maybe find a baby sitter.  Let your husband deal with his daughter.  Even if you could disengage every other week might give you some relief some happiness I have tried this and then the day when I do spend with his kid it reminds me exactly why I disengaged the week before. I know it's gotta be hard to disengage if  his kid spends the night plus you have twins to take care of.  Too bad your husband couldn't go have a daddy and me day with his kid and just stay away all day... the less time you spend with the kid the happier you will be trust me. Plus your twins can feel the stress and tension that you are under I'm sure ... not good.

I feel the same way you do... many days I wanna run away... My SO and I have been living together for almost 4 years now and he gets his kid once a week and she spends the night.  When ever my SO has his daughter the whole vibe in our home changes and my home does not feel the same... our cat even hides all day. I can feel the tension in the air. I feel like all day I am holding my breath and by the end of the day I jusr wanna cry.  My SO acts totally different around his kid... he normally is very laid back and does not want the house perfectly clean but when his kid comes over he starts cleaning the house and he becomes moody.  It's like he is a different man when he has her. Drives me crazy...There's been times he will show his anger towards me and he will get short fused with me in front of his kid.  That really makes me mad because normally he does not act like this and you know she goes and tells her mom every thing.  His daughter is 12 years old and acts like she is four years old sometimes ...Today I listened to her ordering her father around like he is her maid. Dad go get me a drink ... Dad carry me to bed... Dad play video games with me... she hogs her Dad to herself and refuses to do anything by herself or for herself.. and of course he spoils her and lets her order him around ... sometimes she will say I am bored Mom said take me back home and sure enough he caves and he takes the kid al the way back home... she manipulates and controls her father.  She is just like her mother for sure... makes me sick!  Plus the kid uses her cell phone and does live video chats with her mom when we have her and again my SO does nothing about it.  Talk about stress! grrrr... I wanna run away too somedays! 

I have disengaged many many times and I feel so much happier... sure my SO hates when I disengage and he gets mad at men...  he wants me to be there when he does have his kid.  

shamds's picture

behave or she’s interrupting her siblings sleep and you’ll be exhausted. If your husband is refusing to address this and ensure appropriate action is taken, he’s a shit parent.

believe me when my daughter and first born was a few weeks old, ss then 17.5 would open and slam his bedroom door till the surrounding bedroom doors vibrated and it was so loud my daughter instantly woke up.

i was furious and pissed off and messaged hubby at work that he sort this shit out now. Bubs was sleeping happily finally that i could maybe make myself a late breakfast in the early afternoon or a cup of coffee or even a shower but dickwit needed to be a total arsehole dick and slam doors on purpose 

he claimed thats him opening doors normally. Hubby told him to be considerate and respectful of others. He started opening and closing doors alot more gently and bubs slept but he would often exaggerate to daddy how my daughter cried all the time like i was neglecting her. Lucky my hubby never gave 2 cents to ss exaggeration and new it was total rubbish

Lux's picture

As stepmoms we try our best to be “the better person” or “take the higher ground,” but it wears us down sometimes to the point we lose ourselves and/or change in ways that are out of character for us. I recommend setting boundaries and accepting that you are in no way responsible to care for SD. She has two parents, do yourself a favor and let that be. Focus on your kids and self love through this. 

Personally, I’d leave if SD came over and it wasn’t a healthy environment. It’s better than staying and being stressed out. 

caitlinj's picture

It is not a sustainable situation to be a step mother to someone else’s difficult children and be a wife to an unreasonable demanding partner who is the parent of those children. It might work for awhile but eventually it gives out.