Just Realizing it is not just a Step Kid Issue
I will try to make this brief ..
I am just realizing it is NOT just a step-kid issue my DH never takes my side against anyone! No matter who caused the issue it seems he always gets mad at me because I am the one who either got upset, mentioned it or got mad. NEVER the person who caused the issue.
But I think the bigger issue for me today is that I didn't handle the situation myself and I tolerated it because I thought either DH would get mad at me or I thought that DH wanted it that way or really I don't know why I guess I didn't feel comfortable for whatever reason and I choose wrong and hate how I feel today about not standing up for myself.
I guess I have to make it a little longer so you will know what I am talking about and offer me suggestions on how to feel better and what I should do.
We have HORRIBLE neighbors. DH complains about them all the time too! They needed a tree cut down it is near the property line. It would be easier to access from our side but they could access from theirs too a little harder but possible.
They asked my DH months ago if they could use our driveway. I said to DH I hope you told them no, in my eyes, bad neighbors no favors I think. Well that set off world war 3 DH was furious with me that I said don't give them access. Good neighbors I would help them cut down their tree if need be but bad neighbor pound salt!
So after the fight I say to him ok what if they do this or that in our yard making up possible scenarios just in case they happen, he says he will take care of it.
Well 4 months later they show up. Never tell us they just start throwing their tools over the fence (their fence not mine but my yard) I go out tell them I am not happy about this but in my mind DH had told the guy they could. So sure enough just as I had suspected they would, they step over the line and start standing on our fence and picnic table to cut down the tree. They get up on our garage roof and act like it is perfectly ok. I am livid and I want to go out and kick their As*** out of my yard!! But I didn't feel comfortable.
So DH gets home from work and I tell him. He got mad because I didn't say something. When I mentioned that I told him that is why I didn't want them over here and that I asked him about what if this or that happened and he said he would take care of it. He said I didn't and he never said that they could do those things only that they could use our driveway but not touch any of our stuff. I kept reminding him of the argument and he said I never asked those things.
Needless to say we got into an argument. I imagine it is another time he just wasn't listening to me however, I didn't want them here, I didn't want to allow them access and I should have said NO irregardless of what DH said. DH is real good about saying everything is fine to someones face and then complaining to me about it so I can be the B**** and he can be mister nice guy!
I am so mad at myself for allowing it when I never wanted them on our side in the first place. I just can't shake the feeling of why the hell I didn't go outside and take care of it myself no matter what DH had said they could do! Maybe thinking I would avoid an argument and look where that got me! Am I a B? what would you do and how can I handle it now?