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Just need some validation

sheila's picture

After being out of my relationship with b/f for a month now, I am still struggling with issues involving him and his 17 yr old daughter. Things I tried to point out to him that I felt were VERY inappropriate were always brushed aside and chalked up to either my being "jealous" of her, or that I had no right to say anything because I am not a biological parent. I know there are parents and step parents here, so give me your honest opinion please. I still question my decision to leave, but still feel like i had no choice. Here is his behavior with her in a nut shell:

He insists on kissing her on the mouth, plays with her ass, (runs his hand down from her lower back and than holds her butt from underneath and rubs and pats her), admittedly "enjoys crawling into bed with her to watch movies", shares everything with her, including private information about our relationship, makes comments about her body such as if she is chilled and is poking thru her shirt,,,he smiles and says...." are you cold?". tells her every little thing, asks her if his parenting skills are suitable, looks to her for emotional support....and in turn, here is how she acts,,,she dresses with her bedroom door open, uses the bathroon with the door open, flirts with him, does things to him that she would see me do, like rub his back, hug him while he's at the computer, run her fingers thru his hair, rub him anytime she walks by him, dresses inappropriately like wearing tight little shorts that are up her but and no underwear, tight see thru tank tops with no get the picture. It exhibits every sign of Emotional Incest but the laying in bed stuff makes me sick. I seriously wonder how far that has actually gone. His responses to me when I approached him on this is "some things between my daughter and me are none of your business", or "she is my daughter and i'm not gonna change".....the fact that she IS his daughter is what makes this so concerning. THey actually act like boy friend/girl friend.

Please tell me i am not crazy. This IS all wrong isn't it? And what do I do now? Do i report him? I feel like part of the problem if I do nothing.

nottheirmomma's picture

You are not Crazy and Yes it is wrong! I understand having a close relationship with your kids but come on..making innappropriate comments, running around half naked, climbing into bed together! OMG! Thats so sick!

tertwos's picture

The man is sick, and teaching his daughter that this is OK is sick. There is no personal boundaries set for her body. My dh was heading that way too, running around naked around his little girls, asking them if the wanted to shower with daddy.....I hilighted this, although we got into arguments about it...but he finally has covered up....I told him it would be wrong for the girls to tell their friends they say daddy naked, or even their church buddies.....yeah everyone wants this free spirit thing.....but running around and touching inappropriate is WRONG>>>>> because it leads to more trouble.....

didddos's picture

I can't believe how the whole world has gone MAD!

She is 17. I would definitely call CSS. Yes, you were right to leave!

sheila's picture

i was embarrassed to write this post, but am glad I did. Thank you all for "normalizing" things for me. This whole thing makes me sick and you know that feeling you get in your chest when you just know there is something wrong.....i can't get rid of it. I keep seeing things in my head over and over and over and its all so twisted. I knew in my heart i was not off base on this but you know the mind plays tricks on us and abusers have a way of getting us to doubt ourselves. I may not be parent, but I dont need to be to know what is right and wrong.

Daddysgirl's picture

There is no reason for you to be embarrassed for HIS actions. He is out of line and for that matter so is she. She is 17 for heaven's sake and knows what is appropriate behaviour and not. There is something deep rooted and sadly WRONG in that Parent/ Child relationship. Reading your entry made my stomach turn. Sounds like you needed to get it out though, so I am glad you did.

Hang in there Sheila! You have done the right thing.

sheila's picture

I sent him a two page email the other day once again explaining that his actions are detrimental to his daughter. i also mentioned the inappropriatenss of him sharing our personal adult relationship info with her. well guess what, he let her read the email!! I feel like i want to come out of my skin.

Daddysgirl's picture

What else is there to say? Other than SICK :sick:

Anne 8102's picture

Most of the time those gut instincts are right on. You have more than just a gut instinct, this is flat out evidence of an unhealthy relationship. Can you report this to her mother? I'd go that route first, then CPS if she doesn't do anything. And I'd get out and stay out of this relationship. Stop all communication with him, don't let yourself get sucked back in and FIND A NORMAL GUY!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

trepidation's picture

reading your post made my skin crawl. Where there's smoke there's usually fire, and I think your gut instincts are spot-on.
Count your blessings that you're out of there cause you were in for a world of hurt with this guy. At 17 she's not his little girl anymore, she's practically a grown woman and the actions you describe are *sick* and bordering on incestuous.

Maganamitre04's picture

I'm sorry but reading this made me all sorts of uncomfortable! That is the most gross thing I've read and this is the father!!! Wow, you need to report it and or just remove yourself from their life altogether. She is 17 years old and she is not any better. She thinks what she is doing is ok because he touches her so inappropriately and says it's ok. I'm sorry but this is all wrong on so many levels. 

you are not crazy you are not wrong. At all!! 

Rags's picture


I would cap the end of that nighmare off with a call to the police and CPS as a final step in trying to protect that young woman from her disgusting pervert of a father.