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Just found out fiance has been paying for baby mama's car insurance....

missmama1234's picture

I just found out my fiance has been paying for his baby mama's car insurance..
I feel betrayed because I feel he wasn't honest when I asked him of he atill supports her before we moved in together. His son lives with us full time. We also have a 9 month old aon together and expecting another in April.
His baby mama does not pay child support. I care for their aon like he is my own.

Am I wrong for feeling upset about him paying for her car insurance all this time? They have been separated for 5 years....I am trying to be understanding but I can't help but feel betrayed and annoyed..

yolo222's picture

You are not wrong. He should not be paying for it?!? Did u ask him why he feels the need to pay for it ?? And if he tells you it's for the kids that's BS.

SugarSpice's picture

i agree. the only obligation the man has is for the care and upkeep of his child. let bm pay for her own insurance.

twoviewpoints's picture

I think the question needs a why? Why is he paying for the BM's car insurance?

Yes, when you asked about any cash support of BM, the guy should have honestly said 'yes, I'm still covering her car insurance'. In that part he did deceive you. You need to be able to trust a future husband at his word. He did not disclose information that you have a right to request when speaking of marriage. Some members have come here telling of having not asked many questions upfront only to discover their new husband/soon2bDH has debt up the rump , for example.

However, my question is still why? Is it perhaps because the vehicle BM drives is still in his name and/or still under loan in his name that she may have gotten during the split? If BM isn't paying for coverage and has an accident his name on it could cause liabilities? Are you talking $50 a month premiums or much higher like $200?

I could live with $50 for a short duration (not years, but a few months) IF car/loan was in his name and she was in process of getting his name off and the car/loan totally in her name only. But five years and about to be two babies later and still paying? WTF?

So what's his excuse if failing to disclose and what's the why as to why he still pays?

Maxwell09's picture

Are you upset because he's paying for it or upset because he lied and then kept it from you?

uofarkchick's picture

This was my first thought, as well. I don't think we can be of much help until we know if he's divorced or not. Insurance premiums are cheaper if you're married and that might be why he still pays her share.

Rags's picture

I would be annoyed by this situation were I you.

Since DH has full time custody he needs to quit supporting BM and get a CS order so that she participates in the support of their joint child.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Acratopotes's picture

I would simply put th ring back in the box and give it to him, take my kid and move away...

Sorry if I have to have your child without out CS.... it's enough.... but supporting an Ex financially, oh hell NO..

That was the first thing I asked of SO - where's your divorce agreement, he gave it to me, I know BM is suppose to pay CS , she's not, I know he has to pay 50% of her vehicle expenses for 5 years, I know she's on his medical aid for a year.... When the year medical aid was over, I took the forms to him to sign she was off, when she sold her car after 2 years, and claim 50% of the new car expenses, I told him NO... she breached contract tel her to get lost, he did, she was not happy but she lost.... about the CS I'm keeping quiet.... I will wait till Aergia is 21 and I will tell her BM owes you this money, here's the divorce document, sue her... Aergia will sue BM and BM will have to pay for all legal cost.... and that's my revenge on those 2 cows Wink

MollyBrown's picture

Maybe she should know who she is taking advice from. Your husband left you in Septemeber and that month you moved your boyfriend in. You blended your families too fast and are now ignoring all the red flags that are popping up.

Or is today going to be a day where you deny your posting history? Your judgement is weak.

MollyBrown's picture

See, I have never said anything untrue about you. You moved very fast. You are starting to get those senses going, those warning signs. Listen to them. That's why you have them. But it's far easier for you to call me a piece of poop then doing any self reflection.

MollyBrown's picture

So clearly the suggestion of self reflection is a hot button issue for you. Good luck. You and your kids are going to neeed it.

MollyBrown's picture

Here's the thing. It's not being judgey to think moving in together after 4 months (even though you said it was after a few weeks yesterday). What don't you do a poll and ask if people think it was too fast? Not to mention you have introduced your kids to the mix just weeks after leaving their first step dad.
For someone who doesn't care, you sure do respond quick and long. I get it. The honeymoon is over and there might be a little part of you wondering if your doing the right thing. I hope I am wrong. But incase I am not, just have done funds and a.backup plan.

uofarkchick's picture

I think you accidentally outted yourself a few months ago.

Ain't gotta lie to kick it, girl.

hereiam's picture

More info is needed, there could be a valid reason for it, but not for his lying about it.

Is he just paying for her insurance or do they still have a policy together?

Even if there was a valid reason for him doing this when they split, it's been five years and it's past time to cut his financial ties with her.

missmama1234's picture

I said they are separated because they were never married, they split 5 years ago. I asked why he is paying for it and at the time of separation it was their agreement. she was supposed to pay him for insurance but only did for a little bit and stopped. he just kept paying for it for 5 years because she needs the car to see her son. he will not pay for it anymore because she got into a car accident and he said finally.

So i am still annoyed, but trying to be mature about this.

missmama1234's picture

we dont have joint finances.
he pays for most and i pay for grocrries and my gas and my car. i lmow its hos money so i am not upset about it because whatever it is only $100 but i am upset because he hid it from me. he keeps telling me its nothing. im just goong to have to let it go because the payments are stopping now. trying to be the bigger person but itnis so hard sometimes especially what i have gone through to make this family work

CLove's picture

Im guessing there is a lot more to your story. There always is. Im guessing its not the money, just the hiding of the details. Partners are supposed to share and divulge everything to each other. Its important that you have trust in that other person, and you probably feel like he broke your trust. Not in a huge way, but in a way that really stung. Ive had issues with ex-wife before. My biggest issues were that while separated, and in a relationship with me, he would still do things for her that I deemed over and above what he needed to. He rationalized it in the way of "keeping the relationship positive, because she could really take him to the cleaners and eff his life up if she wanted to." the divorce happened, and I have been curtailing the giving and the doing. If she needs/wants something, she pays for it in cash.

So, it sounds like he is rationalizing to you, and you are wondering what else he might be doing for her that he doesn't feel is necessary to divulge. And rationalizing to HIMSELF, that it is for his child. That he has full custody of. Definitely put you boundaries down very clearly, because you have children with this man, and hopefully a future. Laying the groundwork now, will make things much much better for your future.

FieryEscape's picture

Nope, men who want to pay their ex's bills can stay single . This man isn't responsible for making sure the BM can see her kid, she needs to grow up and figure it out herself . I'd be angry and want to know what else he is keeping from me.