Just dont care anymore but still have wall up
Hi again.
Idk if you have read my past posts but I'm a sm of 10 years.
Things used to be amazing. Great co parenting, and we all loved each other dearly. I've ditched so many weddings and friends events just to see these kids. They are now 14&16. Things changed drastically with the girls when bm and I stopped co parenting and around the same time I got pregnant. We have an ours daughter who's now almost 3.
14 year old stopped visiting 6 months ago and 16 year old stopped 3 years ago. Lots of anger and disrespect on their part. Lots of on and off blocking. My dhs parents got involved with the drama and it got worse. Older sd lied about us abusing her and cps got involved. I had to hire a lawyer! Anyway case closed and nothing came of it. But due to past issues we both need a professional to be involved to have them back over.
I went to lunch with my sd16, my dd3 and dh last weekend. First time I've seen her in almost 3 years. I mostly focused on my dd. My dh really wanted me to go even though I really didn't feel ready. It wasn't bad, luckily it was short and she ranted nonstop about herself anyway. My dh mentioned family counseling again before dropping her off and she said "yea maybe". Last time it was "ill never go near that manipulative narcissist thing you call a wife"... just 3 months ago. Maybe she said it to avoid a conflict in person. Sd14 came outside to say hi after sd16 went in the house.Idk doesn't matter.
I guess thats what my post is about this time. It doesn't matter. Idk whats come over me lately but I just feel numb about the girls in general. I used to feel so mad but now nothing. I still won't let them in my house but they haven't asked to come anyway so doesn't matter.. maybe its my brain blocking pain, not sure. I've been going to therapy but shes been away for a few weeks so I haven't spoken to her yet.
I know my dh feels this void without sds in his life. I went to lunch for him. I do worry about future influence of them on my dd but I
Told dh im not going to every single lunch with them. Maybe once in a great while.
Sd16 didnt even acknowledge dd3 anyway yet told the whole family we won't let her near her own sister (completely false she blocked us 10000x for not obeying her demands).
I know they both have issues. My focus in my dd.
Has anyone just gotten so burnt out they just stopped caring? Like , nothing u can do so time to move on!
I think the numbness is more
I think the numbness is more a sign that you're healing. You do not care a whit about them any more. I would stop even considering a future where you allow them back in your home because, in my book, calling CPS on you merits a lifelong ban. I'd also stop going to anything where they'll be present with your husband. You owe them nothing and it will be easier on you to completely cut them out. By all means, be polite to them at weddings, funerals, etc. but no sitting through another dreadful meal with them, waiting and wondering when the accusations and insults will start to fly.
Keep that wall up, it's keeping you safe.
I hope its apart of healing.
I hope its apart of healing. I used to be so in love with these kids. When I think of old memories I then think of my dd and how lucky I am to be a full time mom. No restrictions no back burner parent, just mom. She makes me so happy.
My dh really wanted me to go to this lunch. There was a point where he said he felt awkward going without me and dd. He really begged me to go. I dont want to feel anger anymore so I thought it would help but really it was just a lunch to appease my husband. There was nothing loving about me being there. She even basically ran away when he wrnt up to the hostess to pay. Pretty clear she didn't wanna be alone with me.
I was hurt before that I was left out. For her 16th she wanted to invited dhs family and dh but not me or dd. My husband thought that was wrong and although I appreciate him standing by me I would have been miserable going. I didnt.
Its really hard to move forward if everyone refuses family counseling so I think that's why I am at a point where I dont care.
Im all for family counseling
But in this case I dont think it would make any difference as they dont seem to think any of their actions and behaviors are wrong.
This is what I dealt with WRT Sd22 Feral Forger. Her last communication with me was a nasty text full of accusations and just nastiness. That was September 2021. Shes moved away, thankfully, but I rarely think of her. Her bday is coming up. I hear rumors shes coming for a visit. I dont even ask. Its healing not to be angry or resentful. The numbness is lack of pain, perhaps.
Good on you for focusing on someone worthy of your love and time and attention.