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Just been dumped! :(

JaynePH73's picture

Hi all

Had only joined this forum last week following issues with BF daughter (10) we have (now had) been seeing each other 6 months all fab until SD came into picture, things were tricky last weekend and I found this site hoping it would help me get through the issues ahead but tonight he decided after 6 wonderful months (as far as I could see, even y/day we were planning a weekend away in a few weeks!) but now he 'needs space' and 'my' talk a couple of months ago (although it was a discussion not a 'lecture'!) made him think that he needs to be with his family and he cant consider moving in with me (I only live 14 miles away! and we only talked about this as 'next year' maybe!)

Am totally gutted, am convinced this is to do with his daughter. I'm hurt right now and wondering as a 37 yr old childless woman if I should just steer well clear of men wi kids in future .................but does that leave any in the pond!!! Sad

Upset and needing some help from you guys Smile

j x x

JaynePH73's picture

thanks deli, maybe your right, i'm just struggling with the fact that things were great till an incident with his daughter a couple of weeks ago! Sad
J x

THE Wifey's picture

If I were you, I honestly would. You have no kids? You need to be someone's number one!! You deserve that. Sorry that he broke up with you, but now you won't have to deal with the BS anymore, and that IS a plus.

Persephone's picture

You have not been dumped.. you have been enfranchised. Have a glass wine, a bubble bath.. paint your toes.. it will sink in. Hugs to you!


These ladies are giving you great advice! Yes, you have been dumped by someone who didnt deserve you obviously. Yes, take the time to mourn for a small while and pamper yourself in the process. You are a better person for coming out on the other side of this relationship and be in tact. Thankfully you and your ex have no kids together and you can wait until you meet the person who you are supposed to be with!:)

flipincrazy's picture

My own opinion, don't ever date someone with kids when you don't have kids. Even if you do have kids, DON'T blend! It's a living hell. He did you a favor letting you go. 1 problem with his kid turns into 3, 5, 8....snowball effect! I have 1 regret in my entire life....marrying my DH because of his kid baggage. I am planning on leaving him because I can't take it anymore. Him and I where like you, picure perfect relationship, but his kids are a nightmare, a nightmare I'm ready to wake up from already! You don't see it and may never understand it, but, this is a blessing in disguise for you. Be glad you don't have to go through years of blended family crap. Nothing is worth it!

Dory's picture

You might not realise it right now, but you have had a very lucky escape. Look at the minefield of problems written about every hour on Step Talk - you can leave that behind. I'm 18 years into this process and I often regret it and my situation has probably even been a bit easier than most. Good luck and don't look back!

StepMadre's picture

I'm sorry!!! Hang in there because I firmly believe that things happen for a reason, even if you can't see it at the moment. If things don't work out, you should NEVER DATE A MAN WITH KIDS!!!!!! Stay as far away from them as you can!!! I had a little daydream the other day while sitting in my car waiting for my SS6 to get out of school and I was imagining our life if my H didn't have kids. MISTAKE. Reality was so depressing after my little fantasy that I willingly put on a Wiggles CD just so that I wouldn't have to talk much to my skid! Our life would be too good to be true if we had none of this baby mama drama and two BM replicas living in my home half the time. I would love to see BM and just flip her the bird and say F(*& off Bitch, but alas, that glorious moment is still years away (the day SS6 turns 18 to be exact).

Breaking up is never a good experience, but it sounds like he needs to work some stuff out and if he's this bad at communication and relationships at this stage than you would definitely be in for some more serious problems down the line if he kept it up. I would try to view it as a lucky escape and pick up your next boyfriend at the Vasectomy clinic! If you feel really blue, just read through blogs on here and you will be thanking your lucky stars you escaped from the SM's typical fate.

AVR1962's picture

After my 21 years experience in a step family, I would try my darnest to steer clear of anyone with children!!!!!!!!

LizzieA's picture

Sorry, Jayne, but think of it this way--if one incident could lead him to break up with you, then your relationship wasn't very deep to begin with. And you have likely avoided a bad experience. NEXT! It's his loss, honey!

jojo68's picture

There is no guarantee either way....whether a man has kids or not...but a man with kids sure brings about more baggage

Jsmom's picture

Be glad you are out now. Most of us in this "Blended Family Hell" would undo our marriage if we could. You can still find a nice guy without kids. THere is too much drama when they have them. Also, you are a great catch without kids. Good luck!

forever2's picture

In your new dating life, if you end up finding more than one great guy without kids, please send me the extra.

Viylette's picture

I concur wth what everyone else said. Think of it as a blessing in dusguise. You are better off.

My husband left me on May 2 while I was at work, because I did not get along with his kids, because I like discpline and rules. Took absolutely everything. But, now I have new couch, computer, desk, tv, everything, and I love it. And he is in a world of poo.

so, it may seem bad now, but it does and will get better. Just focus on you and you will be fine. Honestly, 6 monhths is not that long on the grand scheme of things.

j-dog's picture

Yeah, I'm jealous, too!
Given the way he all-too-often emotionally ditches me for his kid, I too wish he'd really done it BEFORE we got married. Before I got to be "wrong" about everything, one weeknight/week and EOWe!
Celebrate that you've dodged the bullet!
I'm SURE there are single, childfree men out there...looking for the perfect woman with NO kid-baggage!