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Jealousy in the relationship

caitlinj's picture

I’ve often wondered why I get jealous of the ex and my husbands friends and coworkers. The more I think about it, it is because of the lack of time he spends with me(childless quality time) and when we are together he is too tired to make an effort to put much into the relationship, even physically. If I want a massage? Doesn’t happen. Yet I give him one. If he was affection? He gets it from me by it is rarely reciprocated or initiated by him. He is distant when we are alone yet very social with others. Any thoughts on why I might be jealous?

ndc's picture

You're jealous because your husband/boyfriend (did you marry your boyfriend?) gives you reason to be by prioritizing everyone in his life over you.  It's a natural and understandable reaction to the way you are treated.

pwoodlson's picture

You’re jealous because your husband is not a good husband and prioritizes everyone in his life over you and does not even have the decency to show you physical affection (red flag) if nothing else. Why are you with this man? He sounds very selfish.

still learning's picture

You're in a one way relationship where you are the giver and he is the taker. He knows he doesn't have to give back to you or try anymore because you'll always be there as his dependable, reliable, stable, selfless servant/wife.  If you bring up this inadequacy you're called jealous, needy, and insecure.  

What would happen if you weren't home to give him that warm welcome and massage that he needs after a hard night socializing with his friends?  Or if you decide to duck out on his parenting time and let him deal with his children alone? futuro is right, it's time to be a bit selfish and focus on your own needs.  

TX2step's picture

You will realize that you have wasted some of the best years of your life on this man, and his disrespectful children. Please Caitlin, you know this is true, get on with your own life and happiness before you wake up and find yourself all used up. That's where you are heading.

MissTexas's picture

Well I guess he is too tired if he's working, running with friends! Poor baby needs a massage, doesn't he?

Not!

Raising kids is both parents' responsibility. Do you get to leave the kids and hang with your friends? Probably not.

Any of us who've worked and raised kids know the seemingly exhaustively endless cyclical pattern it creates. You must keep your relationship first. It's important to remember to date. Have you told DH how you feel and maybe suggested "date night?" Can't he give up a night with friends and plug his wife in that spot?

Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? We have a tendency to give to others the things we most desire. Until we understand what our spouse (& they you) values most, what we do for them (when we would really like them to do it for us) is usually done in vain. For example if your LL is receiving gifts, and you give your DH gifts, but his LL is acts of service, the gifts are pointless.

Anyone who does not make their marriage a priority will make leaving it one.