Is it normal for 11 yr old to be so needy and friendless
SS is 11 in six grade and basically freindless. The start of the year he had a few friends that he hung out with but that seemed to die out. He talks of friends at school and has a few names he throws around BUT never seems to have playdates or even texts these kids out of school. Why do I care? Well SS is a clingy needy spoiled brat that wants Constant attention from my husband. I was hoping with the start of middle school SS would become more independent and want to hang out with friends more so then Daddy But unfortunately this seems to not be the case.We share 50/50 Custody with BM so it’s not like SS hardly sees his dad. Typically when does this get better??? I remember being his age and would want to hang out with friends and not my parents. SS has his own tv ps4 in his room but has no interest of EVER playing in his room. He has to follow daddy around wanting to be Entertained. It’s a real pain in the ass when we have things to do around the house as SS bitches how much longer my husband needs to do stuff as SS feels he should be played with 24/7. He guilts my husband by saying things like why do I come over if your not going to play with me or do that stuff when I’m not here. Yes a little bastard. What happened to the good old days of preteens hating their parents and locking them self’s in their room???? Please tell me that day is coming!
I guess not all kids develop
I guess not all kids develop at the same rate socially.. physically etc. It's possible that he is having issues relating to his peers if he is not a socially adept as they are? Preteen years can be awkward.
have you approached his father with these concerns.. coming from a point of view that you are worried about the child?
"Honey..I'm starting to worry about little SS. It seems like he doesn't have any real friends.. do you think he might be getting bullied at school. It would hate to know that he is suffering if there is something we could be doing to help him be more socially outgoing and involved"
And.. to an extent.. if your DH is a NCP.. and has relatively little time with his son.. the boy may crave that attention from his dad and not be doing things with other kids because he gets so little time with his dad as it is. If he has ample time. maybe it's time to get the boy involved in a sports team or scouting etc.. so that he is out of the house a little bit interacting with other kids?
The custody is split 50-50 so he sees dad
just as much as mom. Yes there’s Definitely a social problem as he is very immature Compared to others and always had trouble in the peer setting. He’s a Typical spoiled brat so he has a hard time sharing or waiting his turn this has Cost problems with peers in the past. I guess I was hoping as he got older he would grow out of this stage. As far as sports go he really has no interest in joining a sports team. Both parents have tried but SS does not like following rules so think This is one of the reasons he has not joined a sports team. He likes doing things his way only.
Some more time may help.. but
Some more time may help.. but it also might be that he has some underlying social issues that make interacting with his peers difficult.. aspergers or something like that. Your husband definitely needs to get in touch with the boy's teachers to see if they are seeing any worrisome signs at school. If he needs some therapy to teach him how to socialze better.. that might be good. Also.. if sports aren't his thing.. what about scouting? or some other activity with other kids? Scouting might really be the thing since it will help develop some independence. Is he the same at mom's house?
I think if you focus on how worried you are about the boy.. and leave your frustrations OUT of the conversation.. you might get more traction with dad.
11?
He may be getting to the age where more kids do organized sports. Does he live close enough to mom they can sign him for stuff? that he can go to on both parents' time
SS Really showed no interest in team sports
We even tried to get them into Cub Scouts but she had no interest in. SS Has a hard time following the rules He likes to do things his way and his way only.
That is one of the points of
That is one of the points of putting a kid into a program like scouting. They learn to not have everything "their" way. Seriously.. learning to follow rules.. the group "peer pressure" to do what the others are doing. The safety in numbers to try new things. This is absolutely what this kid needs. social interactions that have some adult supervision and structure. If dad has him 50/50.. I would at least be making him go on dad's time.
Like all new things.. I bet the boy would love it... if he was in it for a while.
So the one way and one way
So the one way and one way only may be the reason for lack of friends. I babysit for a kid 11 years old. He gets left out of the group and I see how he acts around other kids. The only reason he gets included is if his mom makes a play date. Often hiss "friends" done return his calls or messages.
Playdates go both ways....
DH should organize an outing with SS and one friend. Something both kids like to do and that will help SS make a friend while DH supervises or watches. Then, hopefully, the other family will reciprocate and invite SS over. Repeat as needed with 2 or 3 other kids until SS finds a couple BFF's.
It is not normal. Is there
It is not normal. Is there anything you can do about it? Not in my experience. You can't find friends for them. You probably can't change how your husband handles the situations. My SS was not dependent or clingy with us or anyone. He went from house to house and stayed in his room playing games or doing schoolwork. He never had a friend at our house, never went to a sleepover or even a ballgame with anyone in high school. DH had to make him get his driver's license so his grandma didn't have to drive him to school anymore. He wasn't a probIem but he was just always, always there. Not even a Friday night where he was out with friends in high school. Your SS might make friends and mature, maybe not. I've learned you can't hope for the kids to "age out" of problems or dependence. If anything it gets harder and more expensive.
At least yours was not a problem AND
stayed in his room. My SS only goes in his room to sleep otherwise is up husband’s ass to entertain him. SS even though has his own flatscreen tv with Netflix REFUSES to watch it without daddy. So our evenings with SS means the family room tv is turned to whatever show SS wants to watch. I have to go up to our bedroom and watch tv. Oh SS will flip a nut if husband says he wants to go upstairs with me for 1 hr and watch something different. Oh no! The brat is incapable of watching one tv show without daddy...,
I Agree With bertie.
It's not normal. What it is, is lazy parenting by both parents. BM and DH aren't raising their child, they're just crippling and warehousing him.
It's easy to blame BM, but what about DH? Is he working the problem? Is he in touch with SS's teachers? Is there a guidance counselor involved? Therapist? Or is he guilty of taking the path of least resistance and not parenting his child?
This is one of those situations where I would speak up, because kids like this don't launch or succeed in life and you don't want the brat living with you forever. Skiddly needs help socially, and needs to be pushed into clubs, sports, and activities. Of course you'll have to choose your words carefully, but helping the skid now will help your marriage in the long run.
And as for him moving with you and DH, start playing the long game. When it next comes up, mention that you'd like your mom to live with you too (or any friend or relative that your DH can't stand). Let him chew on that for a while. Let some time pass, then when appropriate, tell him you've realized that communal living just wouldn't work for your marriage. That you want to be able to walk around the house naked, enjoy nude Sunday brunches, have sex in the living room, etc. Make him see the advantages *wink wink*
I totally agree DH Is just as much to blame
DH Is your typical Disney dad And SS Does a wonderful guilt job by manipulating DH Into doing what he wants. There is a therapist involved and the guidance counselor at school knows he has social problems also. The Real problem is SS is a spoiled brat and no one will admit it. I imagine the problem Is SS behaves the same way with peers as he does with us spoiled rotten brat who has to have his way. Kids are not going to put up with that and I’m sure shy away from this. What DH need to do is let SS have a little temper tantrum and throw a fit when he doesn’t get his way and let him know he’s not the center of attention 24 seven. But God for bid DH would never do that. So here we are with this mess
First off, he needs to
First off, he needs to understand that his dad is not his playmate. This may force him to choose other friends or activities.
Could it be his personality? Is he an introverted loner? Or is he unpleasant so that other kids want to avoid him? He is overly needy when it comes to Dad's attention.It may help to get him into organised activities such as sport or scouts or an after school recreational class activity where he is forced to interact with other kids.
My son is 13. At 11 he was as busy with his school friends, sport or organised activities as he is now. I sometimes feel guilty in that I feel I do not see him often enough. (On such occassions I will organise something for him and his friends - we recently went ice-skating and had dinner out. Otherwise, socially I probably need an appointment to see my own son...) The kids are happy to (dis)organise their own activities for the most part.
Hes Unpleasant to others
Like I said he’s a spoiled Selfish brat who wants things his way. I’ve never seen him with other kids but According to his teacher’s SS is bossy and likes to Reinforce class rules to other children but he does not like to follow the rules himself. He’s been known to push and hit other kids when things don’t go his way. Not to mention he’s Fing weird! His behavior has always been very Immature. Combined all this I’m sure the kids shy away from him.
This kid is going to get his
This kid is going to get his teeth knocked out by a fed up classmate if he doesn't gain clarity soon. And it can't happen too soon IMHO.
There is nothing quite as satisfying as watching or helping a bully get knocked off their pedestal.
Bullies are the biggest cry babies when one of their victims kicks their ass.
Honestly I’ve been secretly hoping for this
Stepbrat needs a good ass Kicking but Unfortunately it’s yet to happen. You are right Stepbrat is the Biggest baby and even at 11 will cry if you even look at him wrong.
I have no advice on this but
I have no advice on this but I go through the same thing. My BS (12) was always shy and not very social (mostly because he loves learning things and it kept him busy), I kept encouraging him to make friends and there’s been a big improvement since last year, he goes out to play, texts his friends etc... as for SD 11 she’s not shy and can easily make friends but DH and BM are making her a mini wife and make sure she doesn’t socialize, and now she clingy and acts a lot like a younger kid (needs her shoe lace tied, asking to sleep in our bed because she’s scared to sleep alone), and now that BM is in a relationship we have her every weekend, no more dates or having alone time because SD can’t be with anyone but DH or BM, she won’t even be at grandparents without DH for a bit so we can have alone time ,yet my sons (who aren’t their biological grand children)used to gladly go there , even spend nights because they understand something parents need to go on dates.