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Is it just me or does anyone else feel this way about their dh

Hopeless_stepmom's picture

I have helped my DH with everything and been supermom with the SS. it has all backfired on me. BM hates me even more and DH is now just lazy because I have done everything. Im so angry and disgusted I cant even look at him the same and my feelings have changed. Im sick of the irresponsibility , the custody battle and the feeling of being unappreciated. Is it just me or has anyone else gone through this? i need help please! i feel like my heart is done with this relationship. Is this a phase or does it get better?

HarleyQuinn's picture

Same thing happened with me and my DH! I know exactly how you feel, everyone takes you for granted and expects you to do things because you are with DH, and you must LOVE doing every last thing for skid and DH and the house all while being looked at by others of being the bitch as poor BM now has to deal with you coming in on her turf. WTF! I was depressed and I honestly thought it was me, that Im a bad person for not wanting to do these things and wanting to be appreciated. It is not ou, it is HIM. DH's will let SM's take over the reins becasue its easy and they dont havwe to deal with it, its called be lazy.
After finding this site and realising that no matter what I do MIL, BM will not like me or appreciate it, skids will forget about it when they are older and DH just expects it. To say I went H.A.M on DH'S ass was an understatement, we'd had minor arguments before about it all but to no effect until this shit storm I brewed for him. I packed his bag and told him in no uncertain terms, I am not his slave, I am not their mum, I do not enjoy looking after someone elses kids whilst you sit on your ass, you want a family then make it happen otherwise get the fuck out of MY house (its actually ours but he knows IF we were to divorce it will be mine). I told him no more, you love me then treat me like your queen...i then proceeded to throw all the skids toys into bin liners and told him I'm done, all of you can F off back to BM's house to live with her and her cockroaches coz this whole situation was caused by YOU, your mistakes (he never wanted kids with her) your fucking problem. GET OUT. Your not looking after me and if Im not your priority then Im not going to marry you.

Fast forward to now and he does minor slip up, but ive told him any kids shit i find after their stay in the living room will be trashed and ive had to do it, even with clothes to prove a point but it worked. Kids tidy up after them selves and he follows them as they are 3 and 6.
It was frigging hard but I was losing my mind, my self love and most of all, the man I was going to marry wasnt looking after me.
It will never be a bed of roses but if you want iot then fight for it. This all could of blown up in my face and if it did, the he obviously wasnt the one for me.
Do not take any shit,you have your life, you didnt bring skids into the world and just becasue you love him doesnt mean you wipe his and their backsides constantly. You are his wife first and SM way down the line. remeber that. wish you luck!xx

Crazymommaof4's picture

After reading this I see this is exactly how I feel and need to react!!i cook I clean I get his kid ready for school I do everything yet am given nothing! Not a thank you not even a hey will you do this?! It's like when we moved in together it became my job! I'm tired I'm depressed I'm disliked by his dad and stepmother who which in the beginning I always had to hear what a good mother she used to be well ya know what yea right the bitch just finally showed her true colors. The BM does nothing but make excuses for not doing her part and even backs out of visits. Things need to change cause I will not marry again and be unhappy!

giveitago's picture

I hear you, yes indeed! I agree with Harley, you have to make a stand for your own self preservation. I was lost in the romantic notion that we'd be a family too, we got custody of the kids and everything! I eventually disengaged from it all, I found this site and it helped me with it all. It really does help just to know that I am not on my own with all the bullshit...I know they say misery loves company but when I am down I can come here and regain my perspectives just by empathizing with folks here and regain strength within. You do need to make a stand, place boundaries and keep them. Ultimately the SKids do respect me, because they cannot walk all over me, like they do daddy. I hear from them that they know why I do things the way I do now...LOL who'd have thunk it? I could very easily have lost my self respect totally in all of the bullshit...nope...not happening!!

blending2012's picture

This being my second marriage (and having about a dozen close girlfriends that also complain about this), men do not appreciate their wives. It's just their nature. I will say that whenever I feel like u do, I go out with my girlfriends when it's supposed to be my date night with dh. I don't give him any notice, just a quick text that I'm going out for the night. When I get home he's usually much more appreciative Wink

hismineandours's picture

Yes, I felt that exact way. Did it get better? Yes, it did when I stopped doing everything. I just had to announce that I was way overinvolved and I was stopping that day. No more contact with bm, no more help with court stuff, no more doing the primary parenting for ss. Just done.

Oh, and I do not agree that men in general are always unappreciative. My dh WAS unappreciative when I did every damn thing for him and the kid, when it stopped and he had to start doing some stuff on his own-he changed his tune. He now appreciates whatever I do.