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Issues with BM's Step-son

EmilyBee's picture

Brief backstory: Non-involved BM had her boyfriend's youngest son (13 now, around 11/12 when he moved in) start living with them after the boy's own BM overdosed and died. Recently, my own SS was telling me a few things about the boy - he is doing very poorly in school. His grades are barely passing. He has numerous tardies and unexcused absences and it has been said that he could possibly be held back a grade due to this (all of this happened last month, so the boy had only been in school for a few months at the time). Also, the boy has been caught by the local police smoking pot in public places three times now. No legal action has been taken. I am not sure if it is because he is a minor or what is happening. SS also saw the boy's bedroom where there is a huge banner on his ceiling with pot leaves on them. Personally, I don't feel that is a decoration appropriate for a 13 year old boy's bedroom and I would not allow something like that in my own house. SS also told me last time he was at BM's house, she keeps bags of pot in very obvious places (not even hidden from view) and it is easily accessible to the boy. They have not taken him to any sort of counselor (mental or drug-related) to resolve these issues and shrugged it off that "it's just a phase" and "boys will be boys." I don't feel the tardies are all the boy's fault, because I don't see their car leaving for school until at least 8:20 AM and the tardy bell rings at 8:30. I live right up the road and with the traffic, it takes me at least 15 minutes to get SD to school every morning, so we always leave by 8 at the latest. SD is "friends" with the boy on Facebook and Instagram, but does not actually speak to him or hang out with him in real life. She will "add" anyone that goes to her school and told me that she honestly barely knows the boy and does not even realize that he is living with her BM.

I say all this because BM has told SD that she is getting custody back of her and she will start living with her. I feel that is a huge issue for many reasons, but the main reason being that she seems to be having troubles with the boyfriend's son and if SD did have time with her/live with her, she would also be getting into trouble and not having any consequences for her actions. SS told BM (to her face) that if she wants to be a mother so bad, be a mother to the son (because he doesn't have a mother anymore) and raise him right. And I fully agree. She is proving that she is having issues mothering the son, so how does she think she would be able to take care of SD?

 

JRI's picture

I'd keep a journal of all this in the slim chance BM would try to modify custody of SD.   Not good.

EmilyBee's picture

I have been keeping a journal of nearly everything from the last 10 years, so I will add this. I don't know if it is BM and the boyfriend just wanting to turn a blind-eye to the problems or if they are allowing all this to happen so they can be the "cool" and "fun" parents?

EmilyBee's picture

What I was saying is that she wants to be in her own children's lives so badly and thinks that she can mother them, but she is not being a positive role model to the boyfriend's son, so how can she expect us to believe she can do that with her own children?

tog redux's picture

Well, the bags of weed in obvious places are the only thing I see that is on BM (and rightly so). It's her BF's job to make sure the kid gets to school and doesn't smoke weed or put weed posters in his room.

She wants to be in her children's lives because they are her children. 

EmilyBee's picture

I agree that is just being irresponsible.

I know she wants to be in their lives because they are "her" children, but are they really obligated to feel the same when she hasn't been a mother to them at all?