You are here

Inviting his mother on vacation?

georgina29's picture

I barely get any alone time with my husband and without the skids as it is. He planned a weekend getaway for us out of town however there was a catch. He wants his mother to come along with us! He is very close with his mom and the city we are going to has a mueseum she would like to visit so he invited her to go along with us. I also feel he struggles financially and wants his mother to help pay for some of the costs. His mother is ok I guess but makes slight criticisms passove towards me without realizing she is doing so (I think). I really don't want to go now. Am I over reacting?

Winterglow's picture

I don't think I'd want to go either. Sounds as if he planned this weekend for his mother and you were included because you were there ... Why spend the money going away if it means you'll have a chaperone? I'd let him go with his mommy and have a long chat about priorities (wife comes before mommy dearest) and responsibilities (i.e. paying your way and not going if you can't afford it).

Ask him how romantic he thought it would be ...

caitlinj's picture

Don't go. He has two issues going here.

1. He puts his mother before you (in adulthood your wife/girlfriend/spouse should come before your parents) and

2. His financial priorities are off (you don't go on a trip you can't afford. If he is having money issues he should be figuring out how to deal with those without getting others help to pay for things including his mothers help. It sounds like he needs to adjust his spending habits, budget his income and possibly get another/different job instead of relying on his mother still at his age. If he can't afford a trip yet then he can't afford one. TIme to make some changes you he will be able too eventually)

 Do not go. Sit this one out. Let him go away with his mom without you. If he is a normal healthy man he will quickly learn his priorities are jacked and grow annoyed with his mothers interference in his relationship. A mother in law should not be invited on a romantic weekend getaway. This is a no brainer. 

newwtostepguy's picture

Weird. Don't go. His mother is meddling in his relationship and he is allowing it. This is yucky. Do not go under any circumstances. Changes need to be made.

SMto2's picture

but I don't think a trip where a man takes his mother as a "third wheel" with his wife can be called a "getaway." If your MIL goes, you'd hardly be "getting away." Under normal circumstances, if the couple agrees, I think it would be fine to take one of the mothers. However, here, it sounds like your DH doesn't have the money for a trip to begin with, which means he probably shouldn't go in the first place. Also, I may be missing some key information here, but it also sounds weird to me to hear you say you "feel" your DH "struggles financially," as though you're guessing and don't really know. As his wife, I can't imagine you're not fully aware of the financial picture in your household?? 

As for whether you should go, did you know when the trip was planned that the MIL was going? It sounds like you did, and now as you're thinking about it, it's getting closer, etc., you don't want to go. If you did know from the beginning and went along with it, I think it may cause major problems in your relationship with your DH and bigger problems with the relationship for the MIL for you to back out now. If your DH has just sprung this on you, then you have every right to be angry, and you obviously have big problems in your relationship that you need to discuss. I can tell you this. My DH and I just spent 6 days on a Caribbean island for our anniversary (an annual trip), just the two of us, and if he'd decided to bring his mother along, I'm afraid we might not be celebrating another anniversary. lol. BTW, we've had trips in the past where we booked a big beach house (along with DH's siblings) and DH's parents went, but that's a very different kind of trip, and I knew from the beginning it was just a family vacation, not a "getaway." 

Livingoutloud's picture

Just a week ago he was a SO not a DH so I guess it’s possible that girlfriend wouldn’t know his finances. Georgina are you married? 

SMto2's picture

called "georgina29" who responded to another poster, "Caitlinj," with an almost identical situation just 3 months ago and said that taking the MIL on the trip did not sound like much of a "getaway" to you and you'd pass this time?? Was your DH's trip planned at that time? Is this more than a coincidence? lol.

https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/threes-crowd-vacation-...

Submitted by georgina29 on Tue, 05/29/2018 - 12:02pm

It doesn’t sound like much of a getaway to me. I’d pass this time.

reply

 Wow, and it also seems "caitlinj" also has a problem with a BM calling daily who only sees the skids once a week. You two really seem to have a lot in common! ha ha ha!

https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/bio-moms-phone-calls-2...