I'M THE VICTIM! NO EMPATHY FROM DBF
I just had to get this out or I feel like I'm going to explode! Went to counseling last night with live-in DBF. We began counseling over 1 1/2 ago. It has come to a point where I had to set a major boundary with his 2 daughters to not be around me or my son any longer. They live full-time with their BM. They have been emotionally abusive towards me and my son for years. Due to the fact that my BF is upset with this we went to counseling to see what our thepist had to say about it. At the counseling session our counselor points out that she she sees no problem with me setting such a boundary after how they have treated us over the years. My DBF thinks that it is unreasonable and they "we" I and the counselor are making his daughters out to be "monsters" (his words) When this issue is addressed in the sessions it is always with respect to their "behavior". The girl's are 15 and 18 years old now and old enough to know right from wrong but my DBF continues to make excuses for them and there is "never any consequences". They boldly lie to him about everything regarding me and my son. He thinks they can do no wrong and would never "lie to him". Since he always believes them and that are perfect and does nothing to change their behavior, I feel I have no other choice but to not put myself or my son in any other situations to where they are "allowed" to treat us this way. This includes no more vacations, trips, dinners etc...together with them. My DBF has never shown "any" empathy for my son and I with regards to this situation and has even gone so far to say "that we look for things" to make them (his daughters) look bad, when I or my son report to him their behavior. I really feel victimized not only from the two daughters but by my own DBF's thinking. His lack of sympathy and empathy has me really re-thinking continuing with a relationship with him. My DBF even went so far as to describe his daughters behavior as being a "disability" and they can't help how they treat us! That is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. My son has Autism and that is a disability! Any one else gone through this and stayed together?? At this point, don't think I can continue the relationship with him. What do you think?
DA
Its easy to defend our own
Its easy to defend our own childrens actions, even when they're wrong. I often find myself making excuses for my daughter (7) lashing out at my SO for no reason. Sometimes we're blinded by their behavior, and sometimes we're flat out in denial. If you and your SO are in counseling and he STILL thinks that you're trying to make the "angels" look like demons it will probably never change. Most parents don't want to admit that their child is a spoiled ungrateful brat because it puts a spotlight on our parenting. You're responsible for keeping your son protected as well as yourself. Life is too short to be unhappy, and if you can't deal with the skids now, you probably will never be able to. Lay it flat out for your SO and tell him you demand respect from not only his kids, but from him as well.