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I'm so proud of my son

sosfromstepdad's picture

I was married to my STBX-DW life for 6 years. She had twins: Ss(my son) and Sd. The difference between these two was/is night and day. One was cold, manipulative, and rude (Sd) while other was sweet, caring, and respectful(Ss). 

Without going to too much detail, Princess had mommy dearest wrapped around her fingers. STBX-DW gave into Princess's demands because she did not want to be a 'mean' parent. She favored Princess so much that she would ignore Ss. Ss was the sweetest boy I've ever met. He was a bundle of joy. He cared about others, while his sister only cared about herself. I hated my former Sd. She wasn't a good person. Ss was much closer to me than he was to his mother. The siblings hated eachother. Even the family therapist said that they're 'too different'. Before I filed for divorce, Ss filed for emancipation from his mother and then filed for  adoption making me his legal father. 

His mother met his basic needs but she did not met his emotional needs. Even before I came into the picture,  even my ex-in-laws advised my STBX-DW that she is neglecting Ss and only being a mom to Sd.. Surprisingly he never acted out because of this. He focused on things to help better himself as a person. Both of them are 16 but Sd is barley passing grade 11 while Ss is just about to finish his first semester of university(he's a genius). He was given a full ride based on his academic merit. He was also offered a scholarship because of his excelled in soccer. He says that he's grateful that STBX-DW favouring Sd so much over him because it forced him to grow up and mature much faster so he's pepared for the real world while sd will crash and burn when reality hits her.  He refusesto let his childhood have a negative impact on the rest of his life. 

Since STBX-DW and the evil pawn moved out of my house, things have been great. The atmosphere of the house just seems lighter. Ss has thanked me repeatedly for not abandoning him. My family has accepted Ss with open warms. We all love him very much. People have come up to me and praised me for how thoughtful and sweet he is. The credit does not go to me. It doesn't go to his mother. All credit goes to him. He never let the neglect get to him. He opened up to me once abut how he was contemplating sucide when he was younger because he felt like he felt like he didn't belong anywhere but he decided against it because he wanted a better life for himself and the only to achieve that was with hard work and dedication. That speaks volumes. 

He considers himself fortunate to call me dad and I feel the same about calling him my son. 

STBX-DW  contacted me recently saying that she wishes to speak to Ss (he changed his number). I passed the message on to him. I left it in his hands. I did encourage him to have a  relationship with his mom. His answer (Don't remember it word for word):

 There's a big difference between being a mother and a mom. Is she my mother? Yes but she is not my mom. I don't hate her but I need some distance for a while. I don't know about the future but right now I need space, if that's okay?

I told him if that's his decison then he has my full support. He did ask for her number because he wants to tell her himself; I  gave it. 

He turning out to be a great young man. When I was 16, I was an nightmare but he's the exact opposite of what we expect teengers to be. I have told him that if he ever feels like he needs to speak to a outside party to let me know and I'll arrange that for him or to seek the counselling services at the university if he needs too. I know he's going to go far in life.  

I'm very proud of him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

NachoQueen's picture

wow just wow.. You are awesome and a hero to this young man. Congrats

sosfromstepdad's picture

I truly appreciate it. I refused to get him stay in that toxic environment and risk it affecting his future. 

lorlors's picture

and it sounds like you’re lucky to have him too. He sounds like a lovely young adult who has thrived despite his mother’s emotional neglect. 

Swap? My stepson(18) is a turd. Lol.

sosfromstepdad's picture

what is shocking. Most kids would be acting out, displaying deviant beheaviour after experiencing what he has. He pulled through. 

Hahaha. Hmmmm let me get back to you

Chmmy's picture

What a cool kid. Thanks for sharing some positive here. I hope he doesnt ever let his mother drag him down!

sosfromstepdad's picture

Deep down I'm glad that he's keeping his mother at a distance 

Evil3's picture

Your son sounds amazing! Way to go for standing by him. I wonder if it is you and your son who are soulmates rather than your stbx being your soulmate at one time. It sounds like you and your son make a great team. Good for him for taking charge of his own life and destiny. He sounds amazing.

sosfromstepdad's picture

Doesn't let anything negative get to him.  He enjoys making people happy. People have said that he's capable of pulling people out of depression. And he's a really smart kid but he's very humble about it. He's signed up for tutoring to help struggling high school students in math, biology, chemistry, and physics. 

amyburemt's picture

2 sd's who were raised like this. One was babied and put on the princess pedestal and the other was ignored by bm and bm's family so my dh paid special attention to her and made sure she got the love she needed. they are now 17 and 16. the 17 y/o who was bm's princess is a complete nightmare and the 16 y/o is a great person. 

sosfromstepdad's picture

Aren't they supposed to love all of their children the same. I get that some play favorites but to totally ignore one over the other. That just baffles me. 

collinanderson's picture

I'm so glad that you took your son out of that toxic household. 

Kudos to your son for making it so far at such a young age despite everything he went through . You sound like a great man and role model for your son

sosfromstepdad's picture

I appreciate the kind words. 

I'm glad I got him out of all that. 

collinanderson's picture

I went thorugh something similar when I was your son's age. The only difference is that I was emtionally abused by my dad's wife. I left  when I was 17 and haven't spoken to my dad in 8 years. I'm now a pharmacist- own 3 pharmacies, I'm set to marry the man of my dreams next year, love his eldest son to death( youngest is acting up. Youngest is under Bm's influence). 

Me and my dad have reconciled and I'm very glad that we did. It is unfortunate that I missed out on so much with my dad but we're moving past it. 

I'm glad you stood by your son.

sosfromstepdad's picture

You did well for yourself despite everything you went through. And you're reconnecting with your dad as well. Everything worked out for you in the end

Rags's picture

We have a new success story to add to your reconcilliation with your dad.  You got this snowball rolling!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Enjoy them with your family and enjoy your new start with your dad.

Regards,
Rags

Rags's picture

Your son is blessed to have you, as you are to have him.  Your's is a great story of a man of character and a boy of character navigating a difficult blended family story together... with the benefit of a great ending.

I too adopted my Skid though under different circumstances.  My son (26) was 15mos old when his mom and I met. We married the week before he turned 2yo.  Where in your situation it is your XW and your son's mother who was the primary toxic element, in our case it was my SS's SpermClan.  His mom and I made raising him and protecting his best interests our top marrital responsibility. And we were pretty successful.

When SS was 22 he asked for me to adopt him. We made that happen. I suppose adopting an emancipated minor is not all that different from an adult adoption though.

I am proud to be what I have always have been. I am his dad. And I am proud of the man that he is and that his mom and I raised as equity parents and equity life partners

You two gentlemen make sure to enjoy your Holidays and have a Merry Christmas. You have a lot to celebrate.

CLove's picture

Proud of him too!!!!

SO nice to hear of a wonderful step-parenting story that has much in the way of positive. He sounds like someone Id like to get to know.

My SD12 is awesome (most of the time) and we have a great relationship. Unfortunately her elder sister and mother are selfish lying narcissists. She does well to keep relationships positive and is navigating things with grace, even when her mother doesnt "mom" her very much. For example I am the one buying kid underwear and back to school shopping.

Great job proud poppa!