Im so depressed right now
I literally just wasn't to go back to bed and just sob. SD BM and DH have me just so ready to just get out of here. I just want to take a liking vacation from my life. I would of course take my DDs with me too. I just don't want to be part of all of this. I don't like the feeling of just being nauseous, on the verge of tears, wanting to be anywhere but in my own home.
Tomorrow im going to have a long talk with DH and SD. Im going to explain to them that im no longer going to take SD driving, too the mall, to the park, grocery shopping (even if i am taking my own children). Anything she wants, she'll have to ask DH, or make the decision herself. Im done, and before i sink further into depression i need to disengage, or i might just disengage with this world.
If you actually announce that
If you actually announce that you are going to disengage, it will be interpreted as, and thrown back at you as, "you hate my daughter". Don't tell them, just do it.
Do it quietly
Unless you have a super SUPER supportive partner, quietly disengage. If you make an announcement it can quickly devolve into a tit for tat escalation. One poster announced that she won’t be bending over backwards for an abusive SD only for her husband to refuse to drive her BS to camp or something. But it was done it a really bad way where the poor kid missed out on camp because his mum was working and stepdad was being an arse. Collateral damage.
“Ask your dad” is your new go-to phrase. Closely followed by “I don’t think that works for me”. And don’t give her to opportunity to ask to come along for car rides. She should find out you’ve left the house with your DDs when she sees your car peeling out of the driveway.
Hi Someoneelse :)
To begin, I hope your day tremendously improves...make it improve!
I agree with the above responders...I would not discuss anything with the daughter and just disengage completely from her. I would, however, have a real discussion with your husband on the unhealthy state of things in your home and your inability to continue as is. This needs to be a discussion on your marriage and him...it seems to me the situation may be more about him as opposed to his daughter. Make no mistake HE drives that train.
Please get some help for yourself to help you! Nothing is worth feeling as you have described this morning. Sunny skies are ahead!!
OP, I am going through this
OP, I am going through this now. I know the situation will never get better here so it's either I leave, or my OH steps up and accepts the SKs will go off in a strop for a year or two.
I agree with others, don't announce the disengagement. Just do it. What I find 'works' (nothing really works, there are always awful consequences, just some are less awful than others), is to talk about tough things in a light hearted matter of fact way. eg if your OH asks you to take her somewhere, just clear up something in front of you and say, without stressing the point and almost as if it's so matter of fact and everyday it has no significance, that oh no, you won't be doing that after last time, could he do it, could she get the bus etc?
My OH might still argue back, but because I've said it in such a "it's obvious I am not going to how could you even ask" way, it puts them on the backfoot slightly. More likely to leave you alone, let you disengage.
Things here are hellish at the moment because we have an SK living with us who is carrying out a vendetta on me every day. But my disengagement from all the SKs over the last year has been OK from my perspective, all the pressure to do this and that for them is gone and it's just a given that over my dead body will I ever help these spoiled adult brats again.