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I'm on silent treatment

Twinhelp1104's picture

I'm new to this site... Have a lot of history behind our blended family (been in their life since they were one). But this time I'm lost! I don't want to talk to anyone not my husband, not my step kids!!
SS has been giving me a lot of attitude, talking down on me all the pre-teen crap. I have been dealing the best I can and have been telling my husband. My SS doesn't do it as much when my husbands at home but when he has my husband corrects him. I'm not going to run and report every little thing to my husband. Anyway this is what happened this weekend:
I get the kids from school and keep them until their mom gets them most week days. This Friday picking them up my SS laid into again after asking what I thought about a situation at school, saying I lie (about me being dyslexic) and his father lies, being frustrated I asked what else... The words kept going. Got home it was done, my SD gave me a hug and all three played. The next day I messages my SD cause she missed another dance class (she asked me to put it in, but since her mom started having that day off she said she would take her and she's missed a ton!)
The bio mom called me and said all this shit to me! My husband text me that he's tired of her and I, and basically it's my fault that my SS is being a brat... And he's pissed that my SS and I got into an argument and I didn't tell him. (Because I am tired of it). He didn't have to tell me my SD wasn't going to dance. Anyway I haven't talked to him all weekend or the kids... I stayed away and he played games all day with them...

I'm tired as a step mom that we are expected to just exist one minute then be fully functional the next !!! We are expected to transform around everyone else!!! Be a stay at home mom to your step kids, then not be. Support them when she can't handle them, dis alpine, then don't. Do their homework with them but don't expect to be thanked.

I use to wait to do things specially w my daughter until they were there which is 3/4 a week... Not anymore I'm so done!!!!! I'm not talking to anyone until I get a I'm sorry!!!

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I feel for you. Disengage. Don't do anything for him or SS, although it seems you have a good relationship with SD. A man who does not protect his wife from his responsibilities (kids) and mistakes (exwife) in my opinion, is not worth it at all.

simifan's picture

Let the PARENTS know you are no longer available for free babysitting and taxi service for their children & they need to make other arrangements

Twinhelp1104's picture

The school thing is cause we put all three in private school we didn't live in a good neighbor hood at the time and I take my youngest... I would pick them up not as a convince for her but to save us money on the after school program... But I'm to the point of saying screw that anyway!!! We waste so much money that we don't have on the kids why not waste more!!

They never went to court but here this crud...
The kids are under his insurance, we pay for school including extend day just this year she started paying for a summer sitter. And four five years I was an stay at home to them while raising our toddler. They are now 11
Guess who always claims taxes?? Guess who doesn't fight it?? So the doctor payments, after school care all gets wasted like those tax dollar commercials... Last year I even gave her the info the claim it she didn't use it....

I only have 7 more years so we can just go into debt..... And say screw it!!!

Sorry I'm really upset!

JYMCat's picture

I'm sorry, the kid "laid into you" and that's your fault how? Under no circumstances is it okay for a CHILD to lay into an ADULT PERIOD. As for SD, if DH doesn't need to tell you that SD isn't going to class then YOU don't need to take her anymore. If it's none of your business then it's not your responsibility to get her there when one of her parents can't. Problem solved. Don't ask, don't tell, don't do.

My S/O pulled the same line with me. Told me when it comes to his ex-wife and daughter that when he wanted my opinion he'd ask for it. So I told him fine, then when it comes to them both don't complain to me when BM makes you mad, and don't ask me to do ANYTHING for your daughter. They're YOUR business. I don't help you clean carpets for your clients and that's literally your business so I'm not going to help you with YOUR KID or be your shoulder to cry on when BM is being a pain in the butt! He changed his tune pretty quick after that.

Twinhelp1104's picture

That's why I shut down cause long story short... We have been together going on 10 years... Six years ago we went through a fake divorce cause I got tired of it.... I was with the kids since they were 1.5 and did everything for them until I was drained.... At 6 there mom included into them I was the babysitter. I stayed home with all the kids and worked the weekend.
So our fake divorce I took our daughter who is now 7 and moved out all after I losses my job, car, and insanity! I was done. He courted me and soon we got married things were really good!! We have been married three years about. Just the beginning of this year the bio mom has stepped up done a complete 180.... At first I was like in shock and waiting for when I had to step up again... She is still going strong... But now I think she is trying to get them to forget everything...

I'm not having to go back to how it was before we were married!!! I found myself in that fake divorce and I am not give myself up!!

He said eventually I have to talk to him, not until I get a I'm sorry!!

Sparklelady's picture

For what it's worth, if he doesn't know you expect an apology, you won't get one. Don't make the mistake of thinking that he should just "know" to apologize. That's like setting yourself up for the perfect gift that someone should just "know" to buy you.

Orange County Ca's picture

I think this whole Thread is in "Womanspeak" because I can't follow what's going on. But I can second the idea that men don't get women when they just get mad and won't articulate the reason. If you don't tell a man why you're angry he'll never figure it out.

It works the other way around also.