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Im finally giving up trying and want to get a divorce...

Stefany.lee's picture

I’m pretty ready and sure I will get a divorce after today...

please read my story here so you know the whole story:


I’m one of those people that will stick around forever and try everything possible to make a relationship work until one day I feel like it’s pointless and no reason to even hold on.... I believe in this way at least I know I tried very best and will not even have second thought and regret in the future.....

I know there is no way me and my husband’s marriage would work... he’s way too involved with his part, his kids get everything they want and get away with everything they husband never respect me for any of the decisions he makes in life especially with the stepkids... I’m just a no feeling money machine for him and my kids only worth 5 mins of his day, my mother is a free nanny ... he gets a great deal here in our family. He’s a very hard working man that doesn’t mind working 14 hours a day to support his family and give us a great life. But he doesn’t do anything at the house except going to the gym and watch TV everyday after work. I work, I clean and I take care of the kids everyday after work. I never complain about him going out and spend $100K on a car without even telling me. I’m a very educated good looking woman that I can have most of the guys I want but I’m always very faithful to my husband.... I came from a good family and Divorce wasn’t even a option for me before.... I sat in front of the computer 2 days after I had both babies and went back to office 2 weeks after... I did everything to keep him happy and better our family..... but all he cares about is his other two kids. I know he is not cheating on me with his ex anymore and I know he doesn’t want her at all... but sometime I still can’t get over what he did to me in the past. I don’t like his kids... they are disrespectful and very rude to me. I wish they were never these cause they took away the money and time from our household.... I don’t like my stepkids because they are the reason why him and his ex are still connected.... I know I’m being very selfish by thinking about that but if you go through what I went through to would understand how I feel...

I know he will never be 100% for me and my kids... not even 50%. He took his kids and his friends to the concert without me and my kid even I told him I wanted to go... he spent $1000 on his kids clothes every month but he never bought anything for my son and the baby.... I get to pay all the bills and everything... he pay child support and keep his money for his kids and his toys... it’s never a fair relationship... since day 1.... I thought it would just be a forever marriage if I keep trying my best and ignore his past..... 

He cant stop keeping himself away from them... he texts them everyday and night to check on them. He spends 4 hours every Sunday ( the only dayoff he has) with them... and we get the leftover time... he’s too involved. I understand they are his kids but I know a lot of divorce dads are nothing like that.... I feel like me and my kids are always sitting in the backseat when it comes to his kids.

I know I always complain to him how much I wish he would concentrate on our family more ... I always told him how unhappy I am when I know his kids are the biggest part of his life. We don’t fight for anything else except his past and his kids.... and there is no way he will At least keep a little distance between them so we will just keep fighting.....


until the innc

shamds's picture

2 kids with him. He would have been paying child support already so don’t say he’s taking money out of your household.

if he after marrying you suddenly pressured and guilted you into covering basic necessities then thats a whole other issue. Because financially he too is responsible for a roof over your heads, utilities and groceries etc. If he suddenly stopped paying this once you married, that needs to be addressed.

you can’t blame the skids for taking money from your household because they existed well before you.

you have to get out of the mindset he chooses you over them. Skids will always exist in his life

many men remarry and still contribute adequately for child support and their new homes. They don’t palm it to the nee wifey to handle. If he is spending money that should be going to your home, long ago you should have been laying down the facts. 

I did that with my husband as he was giving a $1,000 monthly allowance to each of his 2 adult skids, our kids nothing was put aside for savings whilst he still had a great paying job and i was a sahm. He sulked for 2 days before agreeing he should start something for our 2 toddlers because if he went broke, lost his job etc, skids don’t give a stuff about us so why should they benefit financially... they have failed to launch as young adults and i see late 20yr olds still guilting and manipulating daddy for money

fourbrats's picture

get a divorce because your husband cheated on you and is in general a bad person. Hell, you shouldn't have even married him. 

That being said, you are complaining about some pretty ridiculous things. He texts every day and spends a few hours once a week with his kids? The same kids he abandoned for two years because you didn't want them around. And you actually know men who spend less time with their children? You have some real winners in your life. 

And your toddler wanted to go to a concert? He took two teenagers to a concert and your complaint is that your toddler wasn't invited? 

Vent that his kids are disrespectful. Vent that he cheated (although you married him after that). Vent about a bunch of things, but not the fact that his kids exist or that he refuses to abandon them again. And remember that he chose to leave them with an abusive, neglectful, violent drug addict because he chose you. He can't and shouldn't do that again. 

Stefany.lee's picture

Thanks for the response. I know it’s not their fault but I just  can’t help blaming everything on them..... he has a choice to send them back to their mom but he doesn’t want to... he told me today and said everything is my fault and he can’t stand me bitching about everything he did with the kids so he will just go ahead and fight for full custody of his kids... he said he doesn’t want to lose me but he can’t turn his back on them. So I don’t think it’s his fault I’m not mad at him, but I’m not going to let him see our kids after the divorce cause it’s very dangerous to leave my babies with him and his daughter.....she’s capable of doing all kind of horrible things.

shamds's picture

she is a drug addict, been in domestic violence scenarios where she has threatened to kill people and then kill herself. No sane responsible person or parent would allow their kids be sent to that hell!! The responsible thing is him fighting for sole custody and not dumping them on the system because now they have 2 shitty parents and a stepmum who kept telling her husband to choose her over his kids.

i have many issues with my skids but never once did i tell hubby choose me over them, all i demanded was basic respect and a harmonious home environment which meant putting skids in their place and not allow them to manipulate and guilt their dad with all kinds of excuses why they can’t be decent civil and respectful humans.

hubby said he’d had enough and if they’re adults it wouldn’t be a hard decision for him to move overseas and retire, he’s tired of their crap.

they’ve continually abandoned and disrespected their dad but he wants his conscience clear that he financially supported them for their education and that they get to go to university and its upto them what they do. Sd23 despite hubby being the only person financially supporting her through university, never got invited for her graduation, it was bio mum and stepdad who have alienated, dumped and palmed these kids and their mistake was not contacting their dad sooner but how can they, they’ve been alienated by bio mum

tog redux's picture

OP, you need to do some looking inside yourself.

You competed with BM to win this prize of a man, knowing full well that he had two kids with her.  You persisted when he kept going back to her, thinking you had finally "won" when he married you, only to have him go back to her again.  You knew he had two older kids that he loved and supported. 

Now you want him to abandon those kids and nothing less will please you.  You want him to send them back to an abusive mother just to make you happy because you think you are the "better" wife and mother.  You won't allow them in your home and you don't want him to see them or speak to them, much less get custody of them (which he will be legally and morally compelled to do).

And now you say you won't allow him to see "your" kids (his kids, too) when you divorce.  Guess what? The law will tell you that you MUST let him see "your" kids or risk contempt of court.  But somehow I think you will be the type of BM who alienates "your" kids from their father because you feel betrayed and abandoned by him.

You need some therapy before you destroy your kids' lives.  But I bet you won't get it - you will carry on feeling like the victim and the martyr.

Stefany.lee's picture

Thanks for being so honest... after reading tog redux’s post I started thinking about myself... I love to see and hear things from the others( especially from strangers that don’t even know us)and I’m more confused now... what would you do if you were in my shoes? There are two me inside me... one telling me to just divorce him and one keep telling me I’m not totally right so I need to try my best to make this situation right...

tog redux's picture

I would let him move out and live with his older kids until such a time as their mother can take custody of them, if she ever can. I would not divorce him "because he didn't choose me,"  I would likely try to live separately for a while, and if that didn't work, I would certainly consider divorce.  I do understand why you don't want the skids in your house after what they did to your little kids, but I would not be upset and feel abandoned just because he has to take care of his older kids.

I 100% would not refuse to let him see HIS kids after a divorce.  That's just wrong, period.  If you feel they need protection from the older kids, then work that out with him.  But they aren't your property to decide whether he sees them or not.

Stefany.lee's picture

I guess it will be a happy ending if I can accept the fact that living with the stepkids but I don’t think I could be able to handle them. They are so disrespectful, dirty like animals (dirty panties in the floor, don’t flush the toilet at all...use too much toilet paper so they clogged the toilet everyday...they don’t shower for3 -4days ...) and I’m very clean... stepkids are super loud and wake my kids up during the nap and at night....they never cleaned up themselves after they ate.... they steal....and the worst part  is I get this dirtiest look ever when I asked them to do stuff, they slammed my doors... they lived with us for 2.5 months when their mom went to jail and that was the biggest nightmare I have ever. My daughter pushed my son and yelled at him in front of me and poisoned him behind my back..,,,My husband never backed me up, he said i was nick picking them...and they call their mom and told her I’m a crazy clean freak and a psycho ( I turned off the WiFi for 20 mins so they can clean up their room and the bathroom the use) I can’t do anything right in my own house. They always want to go to the store and buy stuff st night and my husband does anything for them. So I live like a prisoner in my own house. And my kids and I live like slaves and roommates in our home:... I don’t think I can live them again. They are living hell to me....

Just J's picture

Your husband is not going to change and neither will his kids, so if you can't live like that, it might be time to leave. It sounds like a very miserable situation and definitely not healthy for your toddler and baby. I don't know if you'd be able to work is out with your DH to not have his daughter around your baby, given the past, but you should at least try. I really do think you need to get yourself and your kids out of that toxic situation. 

I feel for you because those kids seem awful but it's truly because they have piece of crap parents who obviously care more about being their friend than their parent. Those kinds of parents make me sick because they're not doing their kids any favors and those kids will grow up to be the dregs of society that live off of the government or other people. I just can't understand why a parent would want their kid to turn out like that. Sad. 


Stefany.lee's picture

You’re so right. I always believe in being straight to the kids when they were young so when they are older they understand there’s law and a lot of rules in the world and they’re already prepared for that. They can’t do what they want, they need to do something to get something. My husband will do anything they want and buy them anything they asked for without having them do anything.... they are  very good at making my husband feel bad so they get to have everything.... my husband don’t even want to the doctor appointments with me and our babies once but he will take his daughter to Walmart at11pm to get hair dye after he worked all day can about to go to bed...I told her wait til Tomorrow then my husband would always say yes and of course she will give me that “ see I told you” look..,, she even brought her friends over without asking me and told me” my dad said yes, and by the way he picked my friends up for me.... duh” they throw trash on the ground and hide them in the cabinets and under the bed... they treated my house like a cheap hotel room that they’re staying for one night. They don’t want to eat dinner when it’s time for us to eat, then after I clean up and run the dishwasher they started eating and leave all the dirty dishes on the table. I get yelled at in front of them cause I get upset and wanted them to help. When they were younger, their mom taught them to rub shit in the bathroom wall after they pooped..... now they are older the ey stopped, but never flush the toilet. Clogged my brand new house brand new toilet in two days.... if they are somewhere reasonable I don’t mind having two extra kids in my house.

I tried... very hard but trust me. The girl acts just like her mom and yes, her mom get $2000 child support and never worked ( she stopped stripping after she married my husband but still have sex with guys for money here and there) but still get all the benefits from the government. She’s honestly the bottom feeder in the is world.

and my husband always think they are little innocent Angels from heaven and they can’t do anything wrong.wven his son took a missing girl home and had sex with him and my husband said he’s just too young and stupid... I know I can’t live with these two kids or I would have major problems with my mental health became of the stress they brought to me. My husband didn’t back up up when I was 9 months pregnant, let them run my house hold in my house. He takes his daughter everywhere he goes and leave me and my kids home... it’s ridiculous... and I will try to do anything to avoid the kind of life. 

His family ( especially his stepmom and his bitchy step sister) would say teenagers are all like that and I’m being too picky on them and I’m the problem, so he think everything is my fault now and told me he can’t even come home to his own house because of me..... he said there was no evidence showing his daughter Poisoned my son and I’m just being a Bitch by not letting them move in... he was the one sent them home last time after the CPS lady came over and told us what happened, he was tired of fighting with me, he was tired of his daughter’s behavior, he was tired of being a taxi driver everyday driving 2 hours juts because they don’t want to change school. He was tired of them crying to go home to their mom( my daughter wrote “find anyway to move back home with mom!!!! “ “ kill them all” on her iPad and my husband saw it...

then now he is a super dad again and forgot what they did to our family and the reason why he sent them home last time.... it have been 3 days after he moved out. He didn’t tell me what his plan is for the whole situation and when I asked his response is “ all I know is my wife doesn’t let me go back to the house that I work hard for and she is being a bitch, so there is nothing we need to talk about, bye”


i dont know if i should wait wait a few day to see if things get settled then talk to him or I should just give up and start finding a lawyer... we run a company together so it will not be a easy divorce for me and my kids. My son is asking for his dad everyday but I don’t even know how to tell him the truth, I told him daddy is working out of town... I’m very stress and lost all the motivation in the morning... I don’t want to even watch the kids I want to be by myself for a while but I couldn’t. I know I need to be there for my kids no matter what.... so I’m dying inside.

Rags's picture

Just take care of you and your babies.  IMHO the best way to do that is to put this toxic genetic soup behind you and do what you can to protect your children from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool.

Good luck.