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I'm cut out of skids lives when Im not getting along with my husband

georgina29's picture

Submitted by georgina29 on Thu, 08/16/2018 - 1:34pm

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I was told I was invited to their first day of school. I was told I was invited to go on vacation with them. I was told I was to be part of their birthday parties. However if me and SO are not getting along he takes back his invites and cuts me out of skids completely. I have put a lot of time in with the skids, getting to know them, spending time with them, helped take care of them when they were sick, cooked for them, cleaned up after them,  babysat them while he is at work,  have gone to their ball games and other events, took them out for meals on my dime, etc. yet if we have one little fight between us about something silly and even normal between the two of us he cuts me out of their lives completely and takes back the invites. I've done a lot of the skids even though they haven't always been nice to me or even well behave din return always but I let it go. It doesn't feel good. Is this normal?

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 08/16/2018 - 1:56pm

No, that is not normal and not what you expect from a potential life partner. Your SO is acting like a brat on a playground. When he doesn't get his way he is going to take his toys and go home now. -- He needs to grow up. 

Notup4it's picture

Submitted by Notup4it on Thu, 08/16/2018 - 3:36pm

It is like he is using alienation as a tactic to inflict pain. Very vey childish and emotionally abusive.

He is doing it because he thinks it will be what will hurt you most and make you feel singled out.  He is also setting a horrible example for his kids.

What I would do when things blow over is start turning down the invitations to things involving skids and go do your own thing until he grows up. Go make plans for a vacation with your family or a friend. Go out to a movie, go out for dinner.... and let him go deal with his kids on his own. Trust me, it will get old fast for him and he will change his ways quickly. Don’t let him know it bothers you, don’t say a word... go make some great plans for those days now and when he changes his mind you can say “Oh hunny, I’m actually going out for dinner that day, and already made plans”.  Be kind, this isn’t about punishing him it is about taking care of YOU and spending your time where you are wanted. 

In the meanwhile do some soul searching as to whether this person is really the type of person you want to be with.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 08/16/2018 - 4:17pm

Why are you with this abusive jerk?  He's doing that to hurt you. There's no reason to intentionally hurt those you love, especially when it seems to be a common occurrence. Don't tolerate it.

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Fri, 08/17/2018 - 12:26am

Are you dating a fifth grader? 

What kind of grown man lets an argument with his girlfriend seep into his family, especially after you've invested so much. Most parents want to show their kids stability in a relationship and keep their private problems, well, private. Imagine how this behavior would look after 5 years of marriage. Not good.

And another thing. He doesn't seem to have a good game face for the skids. They will know every time you two are arguing if he keeps pulling this. Skids will use every tiny crack to their advantage, particularly if they don't like SM. That is going to be ugly.

He sounds so petty.