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I'm baaaaaaaaack! BUT I NEED ADVICE!!!!

mom23ms's picture

It's been a looooong time since I've been on here and so much has gone on. I'll give you the Reader's Digest version....

I moved out of SO's home. I still talk to him but I'm not playing house with him. Here is the kicker. His three kids REFUSE to see him and it's been now about a year. BM will not make them see him either even though he has tried. Here is the kicker...BM wanted him to watch the youngest but then threw in the fact he had to take the other two. Well how is he suppose to watch the other two daughters (this was on her time btw) if they refuse to come over and she says they are old enough to decide whether or not they want to come over.

YET....ExSO has always paid CS on time but how she is having it garnished from his check. Fine...but ExSO lost his job so there is no money coming in. But before he lost his job she went into his checking (I guess there was a an open account which was linked to his personal account.) Anyway she drained it DRY! Now SO is paid up on CS but she will not go to the CS Agency and say he is paid up. They are threatening to take his license. He had to call and make a police report finally regarding her tapping into his account and stealintg money.

He has flat out said he had his EX and how his kids were the biggest mistakes (they are older not little kids.) So, is that not strange? I mean I can understand why he hates his EX, hell I hate her too (for my own reasons) but not seeing his kids at all or reaching out to them. Is he wrong? But how does he reach out when they won't talk to him and BM doesn't enforce it? It makes me sick that she won't let him have communication with him but wants that check each month.

It is like a freakin soap opera. So do I still push him to see his kids or contact them when he doesn't want to and they don't want to?

dodgegal05's picture

I asked a similar question and was told (and agree with) that you can't make him or anyone for that matter see or talk to ppl that they do not want to. If a parent wants to see their kids then nothing will stop them. I just don't bring the issue up at all. Things have actually been really peaceful since I've stopped bringing them (the skids) up.

emotionaly beat up's picture

If he really wanted to see the kids he would see the kids. The kids are older so if they really wanted to see him they would. Now if they don't want to see him, it doesn't mean BM won't let them or convinced them not to, because older kids we all know will do what they damn well please. They all have cell phones etc., so if they don't want to see him, no one should force them. Would you like to be forced to spend time with someone that you did not want to spend time with, I think not. Given that these kids are older, let it alone. It is up to him to him to sort it out, not BM, not the kids, not you, HIM. If he choses not, or they chose not to, let it alone, there must be reasons on both side, not that I agree with it, but they must think they have a reason and you have to respect that and he has to sort it out if he wants to.

herewegoagain's picture

Let him do whatever HE wants to do in regards to them. Stay out of it. If you don't like what he does, then move on...if you do, stick around. Not your issue. Let him deal with his own mistakes. Believe me I know it's hard, but that is what YOU need to do to stay sane.