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If you wanna be mom or dad, ADOPT YOUR STEPCHILD THEN.

daboywonder2002's picture

i see a lot of comments from step parents. oh i love him like he's my own. oh we treat all the kids equally. oh there are no steps in this family, the only steps are the ones in the house. For all the step parents who really feel this way. then why dont you do it the RIGHT WAY. talk to the biological parent to get their consent and ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT. PUT your money where your mouth is.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Where are you seeing these comments? There aren't too many like that on here! Biggrin

just.his.wife's picture

The Three Billy Goats Gruff
Norway
Once upon a time there were three billy goats, who were to go up to the hillside to make themselves fat, and the name of all three was "Gruff."

On the way up was a bridge over a cascading stream they had to cross; and under the bridge lived a great ugly troll , with eyes as big as saucers, and a nose as long as a poker.

So first of all came the youngest Billy Goat Gruff to cross the bridge.

"Trip, trap, trip, trap! " went the bridge.

"Who's that tripping over my bridge?" roared the troll .

"Oh, it is only I, the tiniest Billy Goat Gruff , and I'm going up to the hillside to make myself fat," said the billy goat, with such a small voice.

"Now, I'm coming to gobble you up," said the troll.

"Oh, no! pray don't take me. I'm too little, that I am," said the billy goat. "Wait a bit till the second Billy Goat Gruff comes. He's much bigger."

"Well, be off with you," said the troll.

A little while after came the second Billy Goat Gruff to cross the bridge.

Trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap, went the bridge.

"Who's that tripping over my bridge?" roared the troll.

"Oh, it's the second Billy Goat Gruff , and I'm going up to the hillside to make myself fat," said the billy goat, who hadn't such a small voice.

"Now I'm coming to gobble you up," said the troll.

"Oh, no! Don't take me. Wait a little till the big Billy Goat Gruff comes. He's much bigger."

"Very well! Be off with you," said the troll.

But just then up came the big Billy Goat Gruff .

Trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap! went the bridge, for the billy goat was so heavy that the bridge creaked and groaned under him.

"Who's that tramping over my bridge?" roared the troll.

"It's I! The big Billy Goat Gruff ," said the billy goat, who had an ugly hoarse voice of his own.

"Now I 'm coming to gobble you up," roared the troll.

Well, come along! I've got two spears,
And I'll poke your eyeballs out at your ears;
I've got besides two curling-stones,
And I'll crush you to bits, body and bones.

That was what the big billy goat said. And then he flew at the troll, and poked his eyes out with his horns, and crushed him to bits, body and bones, and tossed him out into the cascade, and after that he went up to the hillside. There the billy goats got so fat they were scarcely able to walk home again. And if the fat hasn't fallen off them, why, they're still fat; and so,

Snip, snap, snout.
This tale's told out

kathc's picture

How many bio parents do you think are going to terminate their rights so the step parent can adopt them? Do you understand that that's how it works? Most of these kids have a bio mom who's LOVING that CS check and isn't going to give it up for anything. So, yeah, many also have a SM who loves them and takes care of them (usually, BETTER than their mother does) but even if SM WANTED to adopt them she can't.

Look it up, buttercup. A kid can't legally have half a dozen parents. They get two. If one dies, has their rights terminated by a court or willingly signs away their rights they can be adopted by another. That's the only way.

Now please go try to stir crap on another site. I hear there's a Cafe open 24 hours.

losinghope13's picture

THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^
Seriously, if it was as easy as just adopting I think most of us would do that. Anything to get rid of a pos bm.

steplifesux's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ exactly !
Yes! If it was that easy I would have of adopted my SS 9 yrs ago, I love him, he is NOT the problem. And our BM is a total piece of batshit, but no way would she allow adoption, are you kidding me, these kids are mostly big fat paychecks for these crazy uncaring BMs !

proudstepmommy's picture

^^^^^this^^^^^^^

BM loves the monthly paycheck... Oh I mean CS... too much to give up her "parental rights"...

Yet when SD11 has any sort of function, DH and I are the ones that are there. Where's BM? Sleeping, partying... Etc...

I love SD like she's my own, and I certainly don't need someone like you OP telling me that I don't/can't just because I can't adopt her!!!!

daboywonder2002's picture

but isn't that like shacking up. you love your partner but yet dont need a paper to prove it.

AllySkoo's picture

I suppose in a way it is, although not in the insulting way you're trying to phrase it.

My dad had a friend (call him Mike) who was separated from his wife for years. (Like, 20.) They were both Catholic, she refused to get a divorce (it's a sin), he didn't fight it. But he didn't live in the same house, they didn't speak unless it was about the kids, they lived as if divorced.

Then Mike met Jane. They started dating. They got serious. They moved in together - they were "shacking up" as you put it because technically Mike couldn't get married, he already had a "wife" even though the wife was in name only. And there were problems - oh my lord were there problems! Taxes, inheritance, power of attorney... Mike got very sick once, and Jane wasn't allowed to visit him in the ICU because she wasn't "family". And yet they couldn't marry, because being Catholic you only get married once.

Do you see the parallels here? Being a SM, you have NO legal authority, no standing. Hell, if DH died tomorrow most of us would never see our skids again even if they'd lived with us all their lives. Because we're not LEGALLY family. It sucks. So yeah, having some piece of paper that gives you some legal protections (whether it's adoption or something new) would be nice sometimes. But don't for ONE SECOND think that has ANYTHING to do with love or ACTING like a family. You are confusing LEGALITIES with FEELINGS.

daboywonder2002's picture

not on here im talking about step parents some of us know. and trust me, there are probably a few bio parents willing to give up those rights. you would be surprised. and remember im talking from a male standpoint. and im sure there's plenty of dads willing to give up their rights and child support.

overworkedmom's picture

SO, You would give up rights to your child because your ex got remarried and has a "new daddy" now?? No, giving up your child willingly is not natural. Even when things were good with my SS and I did want to adopt, his mom was in rehab and had 0 visitation. She STILL would not let me adopt.

Something tells me that the 2002 in your name is the year you were born... Honey, make sure you get permission before playing on the computer next time.

AllySkoo's picture

Ah, of course! Well, at least this one is more interesting than her other threads. And she came back to post, unlike the others!

daboywonder2002's picture

remember yall im talking from a male standpoint. i know a lot of bm's arent gonna give up rights. but what about fathers?

AllySkoo's picture

My DH would never - EVER - give up his parental rights so Stepdad can adopt the girls. Not to get out of child support, not to make them a "family", not if being held at gunpoint.

If you seriously think you would someday sign over your rights to your child to another man, don't have kids.

overworkedmom's picture

A real man tries to be the best father he can be at all times and doesn't just give up his children.

Drac0's picture

>remember yall im talking from a male standpoint. <

Uh, I'm a male, and I haven't the foggiest clue what you are talking about.

Are you sure you can pee standing up?

HungryEyes's picture

Put our money where our mouth is?

Adopt our skids???

Why don't you put the long sharp stick where your colon is.

Sunflower1's picture

It's not that easy for some. For others, what do you care? Loves not a zero sum game, the more love in a kids life the better.

ETA: I'm an adopted "skid". My bio father was an abusive man, however if we go into the imaginary land of what if, if my bio father had been a great, involved dad-that wouldn't change the love I have from and for my dad. I just would have had even more.

Maxwell09's picture

HA! This post made me laugh. Personally I think that if the poster really had a stepchild to care for then they would know that "adopt adopt adopt" doesn't just happen simply by asking the other bio parent.

GAHHHHH if all of the BMs everyone here post about were THAT easy to deal with we wouldn't be here

so silly

27YearStepDad's picture

If the OP is not just a troll the OP may have a step child or about to become one and is contemplating adopting and looking for the positive and negatives of doing so.

If you are serious on this issue I say never on gods green Earth unless the bio ex is deceased. I speak from experience.
My ex had a child from a previous marriage and talked me into adopting her child. Said the little amount of child support she would lose would not make much difference to our budget anyway. Said it would be easier on her in school having the same last name as her mom. Bio consented with no problem.

Well, I went through with it as it seemed like the right thing to do even though I was hesitant. Guess what happened about seven months later. That's right, she filed for divorce. I found out that our savings accounts had been cleaned out months earlier. What a stupid fool I was.

I got the opportunity to pay child support for 12 years to a child that was not mine and a higher CS payment than the bio had to pay because I had a much higher paying job. What a fool I was. On top of that I had to turn around after that and marry a woman with four kids hoping for a happy close family. Stupid fool again.

Those of you who have followed my situation I have now may better understand now why I am so sensitive toward step child issues.
If the marriage I am in now fails I will never, never, never marry anyone with children again unless the bio dad is deceased and the child is independent and not controlling her mom and lives in a different state.
Maybe just live with someone and never marry.

annecole's picture

ummmmmm you are forgetting that in a lot of cases there are other sets of parents? no way would I be able to adopt my stepson with his mother around. did you seriously not think about that?

Rags's picture

Oh, they will whine, and cry, and bitch but no matter how much they bitch and cry the BPs will not give up the kid. We offered once to adopt my skids 3 younger also out of wedlock half sibs by two other baby mamas.

The Sperm Idiot and Sperm GrandHag got all offended when seconds before they ahd been crying about how unfair it is that they had to pay CS for SS when his younger sister and brothers went without the nice things that SS has. We even offered to adopt them, allow the Sperm Clan to have visitaton, and not pay any CS. DickHead has custody of the younger three.

No go. They were all offended. :? :? :? }:)

onthefence2's picture

LOVED reading all these comments. It's funny the shit people say about bm's, like their dh's are just heavenly for raising these turds.

But the really funny thing is that my ex is FULL BLOODED PSYCHOPATH and couldn't care less about his kids. And even HE would NEVER EVER give up his rights because how would that look to the rest of the world? So how would a "normal" person sign over rights? S/He wouldn't. Freakin hilarious...

mypandaabear's picture

I would never adopt my step kids even given the legal opportunity. I have never been treated so badly in my life as these 2 kids have treated me. They turn on me if I refuse to buy them a frozen coke at Mc
Donalds, they turn on me, if I put a veggie on their plate they don't like. They turn on me if I put the news on at 6pm because they were watching something (even tho they wern't in the room when I changed the channel. They call me names, the 9yo kicks me just for laughs, they tell me to go back to where I came from. They tell me that mine and my partners bedroom is their Dad's room and they barge in anytime they like, including while I am changing. They read my emails, phone messages, open my mail, steal out of my purse. Yet I am expected to cater to their every whim, wash their cloths, cook their meals, look after them while Dad's working late, Tiday up after them. Everytime I complain about their behavouir to my partner, he says "But they're just kids" They are the DEVIL.

Yes somewhere deep deep down, I probably love them, and I'm sure in their own sick twisted ways they might even like me. I do every thing a parent does, as it turns out, I'm nothing more than a maid and a baby sitter. If thats what parentings about. NO WAY NEVER.

I was never a particularly maternal person when it came to babies, but I used to like little kids and used to think that yes one day I would want my own, but these two have changed my mind about having biological children ever.

mixedemotionsaboutstepdaughter's picture

I could actually adopt SS17, if I wanted, since BM is not in the picture at all. But, I choose not to because he'll be 18 soon...and, I don't want to spend the atrocious amount of money it takes to adopt. I've only been in SS17's life since he was 13. So, it's not like we have a real close bond or anything anyway. He doesn't truly love or respect me. He'll say he loves me once in a while, but I know that's usually when he wants something. Nope...not happening here. I'd rather use that money to beautify my yard! At least I'd get some kind of enjoyment out of that! Smile

OrangeUGlad's picture

lol. 1. as has been said, a stepparent can't adopt a child without the other parent's okay 2. I am very generous with my money with sd.

I do love her dearly and treat her better than I did my own (because I am older, wiser, and in better circumstances) but that doesn't mean I want to adopt her even if I could.

Why can I not love a child AND acknowledge that she has two capable, loving bio parents?!