If you have a DH who wants to make Christmas fair between (s)kids
Imagine an alternative universe, where instead of trying to make everything even between (s)kids, your SO/DH can't handle making things even within his own biokids. When this topic came up before, I said I wasn't too concerned about making things even, but perhaps I made it "even enough" that they did not bother to count down to nickels and dimes. My DD12 wanted Dad (my ex) to take her shopping for Christmas. She wanted to have the same kind of shopping experience that she has when she's with me (first mistake was her having any expectations at all). What she got was a shopping trip the day after Christmas with her 1/2sister22 and brother13. 1/2S22 made the day miserable for her, first of all, so that just exaggerated the fact that 1. Dad didn't get DD what she told him she wanted ($25 gift from Amazon...he had asked her for ideas). As a matter of fact, he brought her nothing. 2. He brought a couple of fairly expensive gifts for brother13. 3. He then didn't spend much at all on her for Christmas after the day of shopping was over. He was too busy "handling" all 3 kids together, which he is incapable of doing.
What she really wants is a dad that he will never be. He had all day and waited until after 1:00 to pick them up. And he blatantly favored one kid over the other. For some reason, he is always doing this, and it's not always the same kid. I guess it's the one he feels he needs to win back over and right now it's boy13 because boy13 has figured him out and no longer has any expectations or even too much concern for his dad. DD12 still has hope, and she might always, IDK. What she really wanted was his time and for him to focus on her for a freakin second.
But really, I'd rather deal with a father who wants things to be fair, even if his sense of fairness is skewed. At least there is an effort. Even if their "fairness" makes things "not fair" for your child, it could be worse...
I always hated shopping with
I always hated shopping with my dad because he would take me to the cheapest variety store and go through clothes to get the best buys but wouldn't skimp on anything for himself. Im sure he thought he was being a great provider.
Growing up I stopped having any EXPECTATIONS which is the better way to live and to just appreciate the time we spent together instead. Its a maturity thing I think.
Also, its a learning tool to teach your kids not to have expectations of anyones behaviour let alone your parents' as we can only control our own thoughts and emotions. Its a slippery slope buying into their "its not fair" routine and look how little I got for Christmas vs look at how much they did. My SS15 is the king at this. He will always look at the negative in a situation that didn't go to a plan in his head, and we will be then "punished" with continual sulking and passive aggressive behaviour from then on for him to show us his displeasure. Its raising entitled kids I fear and should be nipped in the bud.
It's funny, because my
It's funny, because my daughter and I love shopping at Goodwill together. She picks out some of the cutest outfits and we find awesome stuff there all the time. So she is used to thrift shopping and actually went to Goodwill with her dad and found some frames she was needing for a project. I think the expectations thing is a trap. For some stupid reason, I find myself still having expectations for their dad, and I should know better. I guess I keep thinking he will redeem himself, and he just never will. I try to keep my kids right on that line of having enough to be "normal", but not having everything their friends have. We invest in their lessons and activities, not so much their things. It is a work in progress.
It's sad, though, my DD spent more time and effort on the gift she made for her dad than he did even thinking about her for Christmas. And it was a nice gift. Others that received the same thing said she should make them and sell them. She is a very giving child and he doesn't deserve to have her as a daughter.