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If my husband and his ex get 50/50 doesn't it mean nobody pays anyone Child Support?

Army_Wife_Stephanie's picture

Im asking as being a CA resident and my husband is paying child support, if him and his ex get 50/50 custody doesn't that mean that nobody pays child support? Also, if anyone can give me advice about dealing with the husband's ex wife please do. She is the most manipulative 2 faced person I have ever met in my life. This woman only works part time, lives with her parents and the kids, and getting almost 2k a month, but when it comes to taking the kids to the dentist or getting her son a epi pen she always says she has no money and she cant do it when the dental and medical is allready paid for by my husband and she just needs to do a co pay. My husband pays her soo much money to where we barely can afford rent or food. Im scared out of my mind she is trying to take us back to court for more child support and we will be homeless. All im asking is if there's someone out there that's dealing with the most crazyiest ex there is and has any advice for me to please respond to this. And if anyone has advice on who to go to legally please add that. Im trying to get an atourney but like i said, we can barely afford food. Thank you.

JesseGirl's picture

Hi Army Wife,

First, thank you to your family for you husbands service, and to you for supporting him in his calling.

I am not in CA, so you will want to google several things:
Child Support Laws CA
Child Support Calculator CA

These should get you to a few websites that you can do research on.

Typically 50/50 split doesn't mean a wash on support. Unfair right? I totally agree. I can only speak to my experience in MA.

What usually happens is they figure support on both end. What he would pay her, and what she would pay him, and the spouse that makes more money, pays the delta. So check that out to see what his current CS is based on becuase you may be able to take her back for a reduction for all you know.

I have personal experience with this, and have been to court more times that I care to mention for CS issued that my DH has with his crazy ex. Oh, and PS, she doesn't work virtually at all either. Nice huh? I had to make peace that one. Otherwise, I would go crazy.

Now, on the medical stuff. You will need to check his divorce decree. First, if he actually has to pay for his medical (not the co-pays, but for the premiums) he should be able to deduct that amount from his Gross Monthly Income to reduce the amount that she will recieve from him.

Now, as far as co-pays go, most decrees read that all co-pays are to be split 50/50. So, check his decree for this. If it's not in there, then when/if you go back to court, you should have that added to the modification. Also, if he is paying the whole co-pay, then he will need to submit the receipt to her for reimbursement.

I hope that some of this information was helpful....

On to the emotional stuff. All I can say is that my ex, legit, is certifiably crazy. I mean diagnosed several times over with various mental illnesses. Also, to give you an idea of what we've been thru, my DH, one of my SS's and I have all had restraining orders on her at one point. We have been thru the wringer. It's been beyone awful, and I have to honestly say that there were times that I was in constant fear, and felt non stop anxiety. In the past few years, as my SS's have been in their teens, and are now young men, things have gotten so much better. It took me swallowing my pride, and just making a conscious decision to work with her regardless of how I feel about her personally. Everything that I do, I do for my SS's, and to make their life easier. It has been the biggest challenge on so many levels, I can't even begin to explain. But, I will say that now, after almost 8 years of this, we have a very workable relationship, and I know that it was all worth it for my SS's. Her and I have an understanding, and I was able to help facilitate a positive relationship with her and my DH. I can't tell you how much time and effort went into building that relationship, but there is hope, because, really....I never thought in a million years that this would work out as well as it has.....so far anyway.

Army_Wife_Stephanie's picture

Thank you sooo much! I am desperately looking for someone I can talk to about this because its beating me up badly. Not to the point of leaving but to the point of just loosing my mind. It has been really hard for my husband over the years and as much as I wish he would of taken care of this before I understand why he didn't because he would need some back bone "Me" to keep him sane. I don't know how anyone could go through or even grow up to be as insane as some of the ex's I have read about on here and including my husbands ex. I pretty much felt like I was the only one going through this since I have nobody to talk to here and my husband has soo much on his shoulders like I want him to hear how stressed and upset I am about it. I will be looking into the child support laws and the calculator. My husband pays the premiums on the dental and medical. His ex wife is to take care of the Co-Pays. Thank you a million it feels good to get this stuff off of my shoulders and to know someone is in the same boat.

LMR120's picture

I am in Cali also and my BF and I are both military. Where are you at in Cali? What rank is he? How much does he pay? Have you been to court already?

Army_Wife_Stephanie's picture

No we haven't been to court yet. Trying to get an attorney that we can afford. He pays his ex 1600 and 250 for alimony. He is a SGT. and we are in Riverside.

JesseGirl's picture

I'm so sorry you've been going through this alone. I'm sure that it feels like you're the only one this is happening to...espeically since it's hard to share with DH with all that is going on. Keep your chin up. You will have good and bad days. One thing that I did in our situation was educate myself on the law. I really looked into it and read it. I also knew from being in court so many times that even with the law, the judges can still order whatever they want. Particulary where I live, they are notorious for really hammering the fathers with hefty CS.

In the past 3 yrs, we've been to court several times. My husband represented himself, and it worked out just the same as when he had representation, since again, the judges will do what they want.

The good thing for us at this time is that his ex has started to cooperate. So, that means that I've been able to negotiate on his behalf, and get his CS more in line with the guidelines, as well as things like co-pays, uninsured medical expenses, tax claims, etc. In the past it was impossible to get anything done becuase the lawyers just kept things going to keep their own paycheck rolling in. Now, that's not to say that everyone should represent themselves. It's just what we did because honestly, we couldn't afford an attorney. It was costing us 5k each time we went back to court. (that's becuase they expected things to drag on, and they did)

So do as much research on your state law, and you may find that it will give you some peace and lessen your anxiety of the unknown. Because really, that's what most people are afraid of...the unknown. Once you know what you're up against, you can make a plan that works for your family!

Take a deep breath Smile