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If I knew then what I know now, I would...

Karma_'s picture

If you could go back to the beginning of your relationship with your DH and Skids, what advice would you give yourself? What would you do differently?

Karma_'s picture

I would have spent more time thinking about whether or not I really wanted to be in a relationship where there were 2 ex wives who would always be part of my life. The fact that one of them has a brother married to DH's sister means the ex will be at many family functions for a long time to come. :sick:

If I had decided the answer was yes, my husband is worth it, then I would have spent longer negotiating the ground rules. A Skid Pre-nup! }:)

frustratedinMA's picture

That the cuteness of the skids end.. that they end up tolerating you at best, and that the bm turns out to REALLY be psycho..

Karma_'s picture

AFTER I had remortgaged my house to save my husbands business, I took over doing the accounts to see what was going on. Eventually I found out that on top of paying her CS, he was taking money out of the business to;
1. Pay his ex's monthly cell phone bill (including the long late night calls to whomever she was sleeping with that week).
2. Pay her house, contents and vehicle insurance.
3. Pay her Sky TV account.
4. Paying her car payments.
5. And here's the biggie...he too allowed her to keep all the equity in their home in return for signing over her rights in his (loss making) company. He had also agreed to take over the full payments on $100,000 of personal debt in their joint names.

When I found out that I had put my home at risk so that lazy cow could spend up large, I immediately pulled the plug on all the extra's she was getting. She has hated me from that moment on.

Now I run the business and hope like hell that I can turn it around so that my home is safe for me and my kids. My skids can always go home - this is the only home I have.

SMH's picture

my kids have suffered so much and I am so sorry I put them through dating and moving in with a selfish man who has two kids of his own.

ColorMeGone2's picture

I would (1) reach out to BM early on, introduce myself and let her know that I respect her place in her children's lives and would never try to take it, that I would always treat her children the same way I treat my own, that I would always refer to her respectfully before the children and that she could trust that her children would be loved, kept safe, treated fairly and not be used against her when they are with me/us. Then I would (2) back off and never have another exchange with her over issues that are really between her and my husband, because it was only after I learned to let go and let my husband fight his own battles that we really achieved any kind of peace in our home.

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

girlonstage22's picture

If I stayed in the situation, I would change the way our relationship started and introduce myself to BM and SD early. Waiting for SD to come around was the worst mistake ever. then I would have forced all of us to go to counseling together before we got married to decide if it was worth it.

As much as I deeply love my husband and unborn child, I would not have married him if I had know how everything would go. Mainly because (even tho I have done nothing wrong to BM or SD) they treat him so awful and he doesnt deserve that. And I hate I am bringing another child into the situation.