I am back... Things were better for most of the summer expect when SD13 once again threaten to take her life as a way to get attention, which lead to police bringing her into the hospital when she refused to leave the house. 

SD13 had to complete summer school due to how much school she missed last year (5 suspensions, detentions, sick days and skipping classes in 7th grade) We thought this year would be better, she seems to like her teachers, she is involved in activities and making new friends (her closest friends all went into the high school this year) Last week she was bragging about how she was doing and really talking up school. Overall she was an okay kid most of the summer. 

Then Sunday came and she threw a stink about coming to our house, she hates being "thrown around" which I understand. Due to her mothers job where she travels different days each week, she is with us different days each week. She sometimes spends a day at each house and back and forth, that is a lot for a kid. So after we sat outside her mothers house for 30 minutes while BM kept coming down to figure out what we should do, she said "I cannot physically remove her from the house, the cops will come, we will be in the hospital again, she is a seriously manipulative kid (they all are, you just don't allow them to manipulate you) So we said screw it and she stayed with her mom. Then yesterday DH gets a call from the school that she was caught vaping in the bathroom, when he picked her up yesterday all night was tense, she was upstairs slamming doors, and crying and he was at his wits end with her. He had to go to a meeting at the school this morning, she was suspended for one day (after last year she has NO more chances) 

We keep coming back to the inconsitent households, BM wants to be her friend, she doesn't want her kid mad at her so she never sticks to consequences for bad behavior. She spends hundreds of dollars a week on new things for SD because she is in general a lousy mother. No matter what is put in place when she is at our house, BM unravels. She allows her to skip therapy, she busy her things to get her to leave her alone etc....

How does anyone successfully manage this, SD would honestly do better if she lived with us ( I know you all will think I am crazy) but she and I have a good relationship (Not my Monkey, Not My Circus) but she is breaking her fathers heart over and over again. When he was married he was still the primary caregiver (BM travels 3 days per week, and has outside interest that don't involve family) and he just hates that his daughter is becoming a complete disrespectful asshole, despite his efforts. He is comparing her to his older son who was a difficult teenager (he had to call the cops on him, he brought him to court for destroying his property etc) and I keep telling him not to give up. But slowly I am hoping she decides she just wants to live with her mother and we see her less frequently because she is bringing so much hurt to her father. She is so much like her mother...UGH. 

Also she screwed up a lot at the end of the school year, almost got herself kicked out of summer school and begged her mom to change her teachers this year. We don't cave, she needs to know that she won't always be rescued when she creates drama but she cries and fights with her mother until she comes to her rescue each and everytime.