I seriously hated my DH this morning for just a second....wtf??
So this morning, DH and I are talking about skiing. He bought the skids each ski passes for the year (to the tune of 300.00 each) and all of the ski/snowboard "stuff" to go along with it.. so all together he spent about $500.00 on EACH skid for Christmas this year. That's fine, whatever, not my money. But what pissed me off is do you think he bought anything for our BS who will be 1 tomorrow? Zilch... I got him everything.. granted he is only 1 and really didn't get the whole christmas thing this year, but that's not the point.
So back to this morning.. DH says "Oh, I got you a temporary ski pass when I took the skids last weekend, you should really think about going, I think you would like it and then when BS1 gets a little older you can take him 'cause there are all kinds of little kids there who ski." I said "yeah, I think BS1 would probably like it because he enjoys being outside." Then DH says, "well YOU would have to buy BS1 pass, because I can't afford to buy All of them." I said, "Oh, so BS1 gets the shaft???" WTF??? So go spend hundreds on skids and then cop out on BS? I fricking hated him at that second. Of course he started to back peddal and he knew I was ticked but whatever, it's not even worth the battle. And he wonders why I can't stand his spoiled rotten skids... it's because of them that MY son gets the shaft... because those freekin skids and BM's suck him dry... I hate them all.
Reading your blog only makes
Reading your blog only makes me come to terms that my miscarriage was most likely (but sadly) for the best. These were my inner most fears of having a baby with a man who was so financially chained down to another woman who just happened to be "first" to have his child. I admit it, it scared the hell out of me for the baby's sake. (dh getting snipped in the am)
No way should your BS1 suffer in any manner because of the "other" kids that he may already have. I would be acting the same as you with my 1 year old.
I'd be seriously considering
I'd be seriously considering filing for child support.
Seriously? What a putz.
Seriously? What a putz. Isn't your son HIS son, too? He would be just as much his child as the skids are. You know, the whole theory that each parent contributes 1/2 deal??????
For years, I made sure that the skids and my bio all had equal--equal number of gifts, equal $$ spent, etc. etc. But, I now realize what a mistake that was. Technically, the skids got two full Christmases by the time they hit up BM's side of the family, too. Mine got gifts from my family and her late father's family, too, but did not get two full holidays. The skids didn't appreciate any of it and it was just a "gift-a-palooza" for them. Now that they are adults, the skids are totally disfunctional mooches on society. My bio child works her tail end off, she and her husband own their own home and vehicles.
There is no more "equal" when it comes to gifts. I do for mine, and I do it up right. I bought NOTHING for his kids or grandkids this year. They didn't deserve it. DH wanted to know what to say if they asked him about it. I told him to tell them "Santa was watching". I know he hit the ATM and gave them some $20's for a gift. I don't even care.
It's partly my fault, because
It's partly my fault, because I have LET him NOT do things for BS... I buy all the diapers, formula, have written every check for daycare, buy all his clothes, toys etc. I guess I'd rather just do that than cause a huge battle and I am the one who is always saying that money should not equal love. I don't want to be that greedy, selfish BM I guess.. if that makes any sense?? DH is a good father otherwise, he loves BS and BS loves him and they do spend quality time together, but it just gets my panties in a bunch that basically because BM's are scumbags and DH has this guilt complex thing going because his father left him when he was 1 and he never saw him again.... he bends over backwards for the skids.
Again, it's my own fault so I guess I shouldn't complain.. but had to get it off my chest.
I disagree a good father does
I disagree a good father does not shrug off responsibilities to his child, especially by singling one out. Imagine how your child would feel if he knew dad did not want to give him what he gave his other kids.
DaizyDuke, I disagree that it
DaizyDuke, I disagree that it is your fault. Unless this guy is the type of father that needs to be ORDERED by the COURTS to be a father...???
DaizyDuke, you will likely
DaizyDuke, you will likely suffer from your DH's guilt-ridden conscience of not having his older children full-time. I resent that my DH's mood and attitude are often adversely affected by his desire to have his daughter and son all the time. I would freakin' die! Having them 50% of the time is PLENTY for me.
I can foresee your stepkids constantly standing with their greedy hands out all the time and with not a word of thanks. They'll probably figure out quickly, if not already, how to exploit their Dad's guilt and milk your DH for money and gifts. They will also likely treat your biological son like crap just because they can.
Your DH may not even realize the disparity due to his judgment being clouded by guilt. Hopefully you can spell it out for him and he will be more fair to your biological son! Your little guy deserves the same opportunities as the other kids. Good luck!
P.S. This is why I’m never having kids – they are not worth the lifetime of grief.
Ack. My DH pulls something
Ack. My DH pulls something similar to that ALL the time. But what he does is take extra money from his own personal checking account to give to SD17. So if I budget 110 for Christmas for all kids (SD17 and our two BDs), he will give SD17 MORE money from his personal checking account. And he absolutely does not (or will not) understand why that is not FAIR. I have to be fair and give them all the same amount and then he underhandedly gives MORE to SD17? I can only see this getting worse over the years, as I am pretty adamant about not overspending on our BDs (and teaching them that money is how you express love). He will agree with me when I put my foot down about money with our BDs but will continue to give money to SD17. I feel your pain.
LOL! I am laughing only
LOL! I am laughing only because I completely understand!!!! All of my DH's kids and their mom's drink him dry to and we barely have enough to pay our own bills.
DH spent a crapload of money on the skids for Christmas in addition to CS plus taking them to Disney and do you know what I got??? This was our 1st Christmas as a married couple and I got a DRINK BLENDER!!!!! Really???? A BLENDER!?!? Meanwhile the kids got EVERYTHING they asked for plus stuff they didn't ask for. I don't have any kids of my own, but boy did I feel like I got the shaft!
screw that...no way my
screw that...no way my daughter is getting treated diffrent then his kids.She comes first...and if dh doesnt like it..he should kiss my ass goodbye.And ill be the other bitch on the other end milking his ass 2...I used to be so passive and nice about shit...but grl..your kids come equal to his if not first.Dont let him get it twisted... if he can pay bm cs..then he can pay for your new childs needs.not ur fault that bm is a bum.Jst be calm but let his know that thats not fair...and he needs to really needs to do for your baby the same.!!!serious.And for you..your the women in his life and im sure you do alot for him.
I think maybe your DH is
I think maybe your DH is forgetting that CS goes to pay for 1/2 of the child's upbringing. SO - YOUR child in YOUR house should be #1 priority for money.
The money for the skids is already being paid to the BM.
I know it's one of those
I know it's one of those things that as soon as he said it he wished he hadn't and has been sucking up ever since. Took us out to dinner last night for BS birthday and and then to the mall and bought BS a bunch of clothes... again NOT that I think him buying things for BS means he loves him any more or less, I just don't want BS to be treated any differently than skids just because I have a good job, money in the bank, a brain in my head and don't live off of child support and government assistance in the trailer hood.