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I lost it and called him names

Germie2's picture

Tonight I kinda lost it, I yelled at my DH and told him he wasn’t a man and that he’s BM’s b***h .

I moved for DH and I have no family nor friends here and ever since I’ve been here there’s always problems related to BM or SD, I’ve never had peace in my marriage. It kept building up and lately it looks like I’m loosing it and overreacting to things happening.

Sd (11)was with me and my boys(12 and 8) yesterday ,DH was working, I didn’t notice her and my YBS had An argument while they were play outside. SD told BM my son called her fat, I didn’t take my son’s side because I know things happen when kids play but I also know Sd lies a lot ,so does BM but what made me mad was my husband was already kinda taking sides, so it made me mad and I told my son I don’t want him playing with SD , when I said that I didn’t realize DH texted BM to say I told my son not to play with SD.  Few months ago the kids were playing and SD told BM my son hurt her eye , yet when it happened we were al there and it was just kids playing and SD was fine but the following day BM made it an issue and called my parents in law to tell them she had to see a doctor for SD’s eye. Sd calls my kids names and somewhat rude to them but I always let it go and don’t complain to anyone because siblings fight, even myself she’s called me names but I let it go. 

The other issue I’ve been struggling with is Now we have Sd every weekend and Bm goes away but expects SD to look after the dogs she leaves home, so DH and SD both go to feed them every morning (on weekends) and evening, and lately if we are out doing something DH looks for an excuse for us to get back home early and I realized it because dogs need fed before dark, yet before that we always went away on weekends but now we can’t even do anything because at around 9to 10 am dogs need taken care of and around 4to5 pm.  That’s not ok.

 

 

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

First the dogs are NOT OK! That is a DH issue and you need to express your feelings on that. If he chooses to continue then place your boundary where he can cut his enjoyment short but you will not. 2 cars out and you go have fun with friends!

As for your SD and bio. Been there done that. I taught my kids to stand up for themselves, respectfully! And to avoid disrespectful kids, even if that includes skids. To walk away. And they do!

For a little while skids tried to lie but as soon as my bios stood up and said NO WAY they piped down real quick.

My SO, every so often, tries to bring up a misstep towards skids by my bios and I simply nod and say "thank you for telling me". It is always a lie, and he knows it, and has said mant times "what am I supposed to do not believe me own kids".  Uh, yes?!  But not my kids so don't care! 

At this point in time skids and bios are total opposites. They rarely associate. But it is not very noticeable as bios are very social and skids are not.  So they wouldn't run in the same circles anyway. 

Iamwoman's picture

I’m with DB. My bio doesn’t associate with skids at all. They have lied too much and destroyed her personal items, including toys.

It seems like your DH isn’t putting your marriage first, so unless he changed this, it’s doomed.

I agree with others that you shouldn’t be burdened with watching his skid when he isn’t home. When you go out on weekends, and he tries to leave early, don’t leave with him! Stay where you are and Uber home. Taking care of his exW’s dogs is ridiculous. Who is he married to?

Rags's picture

I love dogs but those would be some hungry dogs and BM house would be full of dog shit and puss every F-in weekend in my world.  Also,.... I would not have the kid every eeekebd.  At most it would be EOWE.  BM doesn’t get all of the fun and none of the crap that goes along with raising a manipulative little POS.

If I were you the next step would be rekeying the locks and SO and his baggage can GTFO and stay out.

Good luck.

CLove's picture

But when DH said "I feel sorry for that rabbit, no one to feed him all weekend", referring to the new rabbit that Toxic Troll just had to get Munchkin SD12, and to her leaving for a weekend to be with some dude, my response was:

"NOT our problem, not your problem, her problem."

DH feeding BMs dogs? NO way would that fly with me, not a bit. No wonder you lost it! Ive lost my temper a few times when DH would jump through hoops to pacify Toxic Troll. I told him that her vajajay had captured him for all eternity and now he was her b!tch. LOL. 

The lies that SD it telling - well her behavior will get worse. Nanny cam her, because you want to nip that sh!t now. Now its an innocent eye poke, but what if its a more inappropriate poke she lies about? Two boys, they do need to learn how to defend themselves and stand up for themseles, but as she grows older her manipulative nature will grow also.

That happened with Toxic Feral Eldest. Her lies started small, and innocuous, stupid things. Then they grew. She was caught stealing, and "oh, I dont know how that ended up in my purse I have money to pay for it". Then, "CLove called me names and told me she hated me (all in front of DH and Munchkin who saw her do those things to ME), and now she is leveling accusations against her uncle and aunt. Bad ones.

I think that when they see how they can get away with the small things, they up the ante and move onto the bigger things. Its sociopathic behavior consistent with narccissim.

Germie2's picture

You are right about narcissism, I noticed she has lots of traits, and the manipulation level is that of an adult but DH just don’t see it , I told him I don’t want her here anymore when he’s not home, I’m worried someday she’ll lie about something bigger . As for my boys the older avoids her but the little one just has no idea 

oatsnhoney's picture

You told him you don’t want them there, or you told him they can’t be there? You might have to be direct to him to get it. And tell him he will need to make alternate arrangements with BM. Because this starts today. You have very valid points, specially about your sons.